My mum

i am devastated my mum has secondary bowel cancer. She losing a lot of blood and will eventually need blood transfusion. The experts do not know where the cancer will grow, up down, they said if it blocks her bowels, they would need to operate to remove the blockage. Mums 78, she refusing treatment because 5 years ago we lost dad to brain tumour,  we all witnessed what dad went through. I live in Bournemouth and mum lives in norfolk, i am scared i wont reach her in time. Noone knows mums life expentancy, this is impossible to judge at the moment as we don't know where it will spread. 2 yrs ago mum had her womb removed as cancer stage 3 had set in, we assumed it was all gone, but the microscopic cancer spread to her bowel. 

I am not dealing with this, i still not over my dads loss. My sister lives near mum but shes suffering too as has gallbladder issues. 

Where or who can i go to to help me get through this

Kind regards

Teresa speed

  • Hi Teresa (Teresaspeed),

    Thank you for getting in touch with us, and welcome to our online community.

    I’m so sorry to hear of your mum’s diagnosis. This must be a particularly worrying time for you all, especially with so many uncertainties.

    You don’t have to deal with this alone. It might help to seek some support to help you with the loss of your dad. Sometimes the lasting thoughts and memories from losing someone from cancer can be difficult to deal with, especially when someone else you love is diagnosed with a terminal cancer.

    A good place to start, is your GP. Let them know of how you’re feeling and what you’re struggling with. They can then refer you on to other services if you feel this would help. Many people find Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps, particularly when dealing with loss. Talking to others who have also experienced the loss of a loved one from cancer can also offer invaluable support.

    You might find some comfort in knowing that your mum is well supported and looked after at this time. You or your sister could ask for her to be referred to her local community palliative care team. The GP can do this for you. This would offer support and care for your mum in her own home. They can manage symptoms and plan her care as things progress, avoiding hospital admission if this is what she would wish. This is the team that Macmillan Nurses are usually part of, and generally work from the local hospice. Most services offer a 24 hour support line, which many people find offers additional peace of mind.

    It’s easy to become overwhelmed with what’s going on, but it is important to seek help sooner rather than later, as this will help you to begin to cope with your dad’s loss and your mum’s diagnosis. Sometimes talking things through can help, especially if it’s with someone you don’t know. Our support line offers a listening ear, help and advice 7 days a week, 8am-8pm. It’s ok to be upset on the phone, and you can call whenever you need to.

    I hope this has been helpful, but please don’t hesitate to get back in touch If you need to.

    Best wishes


    Alison P