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Worried about my wife

Posted by

Dear MacMillan

My wife was diagnosed with Stage 1C breast cancer and had a lumpectomy 4.5 years ago and has been on Tamoxifen then Aromacen and a pellet injected into her abdomen every month. All good until last weekend.

I am so worried about my wife, she started with a headache 5 days ago that has become severe combined with dizziness (feeling of pressure inside her head) and sickness, she was sick all the time and has not eaten for 3 days now. She is constantly in bed with complete dis-interest in everything. It's like she has given up.

I took her to her GP on Monday 25th who said it was due to a Labrynthitis infection earlier this month and prescribed anti-sickness pills which made no difference.

We went back yesterday (tuesday 26th) and a different GP prescribed a different anti-sickness medication again which made no difference and requested a CT scan which would take 3 weeks.

She is still as poorly today and I am taking her back again later.

This cannot continue because if she does not manage to eat then she won't survive until the CT scan.

She has tried every pain killer there is up the the strength of Codeine and nothing works.

I am worried now that her breast cancer has spread to her brain after 4.5 years and I am so upset.

I have been given time off work to help her.

Sorry but I need to tell someone and MacMillan is the only place I remember from when she had her initial BC diagnosis.


Posted by

Hi ,

Welcome to the Online Community, although I am sorry to see the circumstance that brought you here.

My name is Jess and I work on the Online Community team. I notice your post and I thought best to reach out to you. It sounds that you are going through an incredibly difficult time and I hope we can be of some help.

I hope you don't mind but I have moved your post to Ask a nurse session, they can offer some support and information about the worries you have about your wife and also talk through how you are coping. The nurses will get in touch with you within 2 working days.

If you need to speak with a nurse sooner, please remember that you can always ring the Macmillan's Support Line on 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week, 8am till 8pm.

There is also a specialised team called Information and Support advisers, they offer a listening ear and emotional support for anyone affected by cancer, if you ring the above number, then select option 1 that will take you to our Information and support advisers.

I hope this information helps, but if you need some help please do not hesitate to contact us on community@macmillan.org.uk 

Kindest regards,

Online Community Team

Ellen M-Macmillan
Posted by

Hi Goodhubby,

Thanks for getting in touch with us at what sounds like a difficult time just now.

It’s natural to worry that your wife’s cancer has spread to her brain, given her symptoms and her previous history.

It’s difficult for us as nurses on this type of platform to say what is making her feel so unwell. Whilst labyrinthitis can cause someone to feel unwell and have the symptoms that you’re describing so can cancer that has spread to her brain cause this too. So, you’re right to take her back later today and ask that she gets reassessed.

It’s okay to let the doctors know your concerns and to stress how unwell your wife is. If after seeing her GP tonight if her condition gets worse then we would advise that you call 111 or take your wife to her local A&E department to be checked.

Best wishes and take care.

Please don’t hesitate to get back in touch and let us know how she gets on.

Ellen-Macmillan Online Digital Nurse Specialist.

Posted by

I managed to get the GP to have my wife seen by A&E so she is now checked in to hospital and should be having bloods done soon and a CT scan whilst she is in. I feel solo sorry for her and so upset myself. Thank you for being somewhere I can turn to. 

Posted by

It was the news we were dreading - the scan shows legions on her brain. They cannot tell us any more than that tonight. They are going to have a meeting with the consultants tomorrow and decide on a course of action.

That's it!

I knew the cancer would come back.

Posted by

Hello GoodHubby and wife,

Hold on you only have to wait until tomorrow. My family are new to this we were told the terrible news that my husband and their dad has secondary liver cancer. We just cant take it in. We have to wait a week to see the consultants.   

Posted by

Thank you. And my thoughts are with you too. I am lying in our bed tonight whilst she is in hospital.  Already I miss her and the pillow is wet with tears. I am asking God why!

Posted by

I have asked why all week. There is no answer yet we still have to deal with it. I was told by a Doctor today that we must give all we can to help the patient, they must be so scared too.

I'm trying to find the strength to help my family yet i still feel in a daze. Please  hold on GoodHubby she needs you . 

Posted by

Hi GoodHubby 

Thanks for getting back in touch and letting us know what is happening with your wife. Of course, this was the news you were both dreading. Hearing cancer has come back is never easy but it’s good that you got your wife seen and referred straight up to the hospital for a scan. 

As scared wife has said hold on and see what the consultants have to say today. You may have already been told about what the next course of action will be. Hopefully you should start to see an improvement in your wife’s symptoms once treatment has started. 

You really do need to look after yourself as well and allow some time to process the information you have been given about your wife. Remember that you are doing the best you can in a very difficult and emotional situation. 

It might help to call the support line and talk all of this through. We can just listen if that’s what you need at the moment. I can appreciate that talking may be hard. If you can’t call, then keep posting and get support from others on our online community. 

You can keep in touch and let us know what is happening if you feel able to. 

Take care

Fiona (Cancer Information Nurse Specialist)

Posted by


Thanks for your input. I realize that we both need support I will grab it where ever I can.

I have cried over the last few days, I walked for four miles crying and unknown people offered their support 

I went and sat in my local church and got help from my local vicar.

I still fell sad though, my wife has just got back home and the nights without her were so very painful.

I kept putting my face on her pillow to smell her and I was smelling her clothes .

I found loving photos she had taken that I never knew existed, her love for me has been unconditional.

She has had an MRI and has two tumours by the cerebellum and one in the frontal lobe and that now explains her change of personality over the last 6 months so could these tumours have been growing for months?

She became paranoid to such an extent which really strained our relationship but now she is on steroids she is back to her lovely old self.

She is going for a full body CT with contrast on Monday and an appointment with her Consultant and MacMillian nurse.

We have no idea what they will say although we know it is not curable and my wife is being stronger than I am.

She tells me off if I show signs of weakness and I have learnt a lot from her.

I just hope they can prolong her life.

I need you all here believe me.

My real name is Steve although I will always keep any other personal info private.

I will call you but I have initially lent on family who so far have soaked up my grief.

I'm ok when I am out but have been grief stricken when at home without my wife .

Anyway I have her back at home until Monday.

Can't tell you how nice it feels.

Posted by

You must be feeling the same pain as me so I am with you as well. This is an awful experience life is no easy ride.

It has taught me that we no not what is around the corner so we all must cherish each and every day and live like it is the last.

I hope your husband fights this awful disease and that you find the strength but like me in the back of our minds we know that we will lose our partners at some point.

My wife is a fighter but she only has so much strength.

I can't imagine being without her and on my own going forward.

So enough of this type of thinking and let's start the battle.

KateG - Macmillan
Posted by

Good morning Steve

I hope you have manged to get a night’s sleep.

Its good to hear that your wife is home and that you are seeing the improvement with the steroids.

Coming to terms with your wife’s diagnosis will take time and crying is a natural release for your emotions. You are doing all the right things and reaching out for support from your family and others will help.

At the appointment with the consultant they will discuss her scan results, they will be able to give you more information on the tumours they have seen in the scans. It can be difficult to say how long the tumours have been there unless she has had a scan previously.

When cancer has spread to another part of the body as you have said it is not curable but there are usually treatment options. They will discuss these with your wife and you at her appointment. It can help to write down any questions you both may have before then.

Best wishes and take care.

Please don’t hesitate to get back in touch and let us know how she gets on or if you there is anything we can help with.

Kate (Cancer Information Nurse Specialist)

Posted by

I cannot tell you how much this means to me and how supportive you all are.

I cannot do this without you and other people in my life 

Thank you.


Posted by

My wife has slept this afternoon and feeling very tired so I have tucked her up in bed.

I dreading the meeting on Monday and I just expect to be told it has spread everywhere and is terminal so nothing can be done apart from pain relief.

I hope they can try something - anything and are able to at least manage it.

It's been another bad day for my nerves, I had to go for a walk and cried again for 4 miles on and off.

I can't bear it.

I keep hoping it has just got as far as her head and not further.

Posted by

Hi  and a second welcome to the online community

I've been following your conversations with our nurse and I'm glad to see that you've been getting great support.

Could I suggest that you might like to join the carers group where you can share your worries and get support from others who have a loved one with cancer. If you'd like to join the group just click on the link I've created and then choose 'join this group' on the page that opens. You can then respond to existing post by clicking on 'reply' and start your own by selecting 'start a discussion'.

I hope everything goes well on Monday


 "Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

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