Dealing with pain and not being able to help my husband

Hi there,

My husband has terminal cancer and has just finished a Radiotherapy course on his tumor which is in his pelvis. He has had a very bad reaction to this and is in constant pain. I am having extreme problems with coping with my husband's pain as I can't help him and he is hallucinating as well, so I am at a loss at the moment.

I feel so useless at the moment

  • Hello Golfmad and thank you for contacting the online community.

    I’m so very sorry to hear about your husband, I can’t imagine what it must be like for you seeing him struggle like this. We want to be able to help our loved ones when they’re in pain but unfortunately cancer can rob us of that.

    I’m assuming this is already the case Golfmad but is your husband’s health care team fully aware of just how much he’s in pain just now? They might be able to look at ways of managing it better.

    They may also be able to arrange for a palliative nurse to visit him. Macmillan nurses are palliative nurses who specialise in pain and symptom management as well as offering emotional support and helping to co-ordinate care. They work on a referral basis and a health care professional like a G.P. can arrange this kind of support.

    Our booklets Be There For Someone Facing Cancer and  Looking After Someone With Cancer might give you some ideas about things you can control and ways you can support your husband too.

    Golfmad I can hear how difficult things are for you just now and I want you to know we’re here to support you during this difficult time. You can call us on 0808 808 00 00 (7 days a week, 8am – 8pm), web chat or email if you’d prefer. We are here for your emotional support, but we also have cancer specialist nurses and a Money & Work team here too. You might also find our online community group for people supporting someone with terminal cancer helpful as well.

    Take care.

    Alex, Information and Support Adviser

    Remember you can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or by email.