Where do I go?

Hi, not sure I am in the right place to ask, I’m finding it hard to find answers to my questions. 

My mum is the one with bone cancer and lung cancer, so really it’s not about me, it’s about my mum. She has Macmillan people calling her to make sure she is doing ok (which is great) also community nurses calling in to see her to fill the driver and give a injection if needed. 

Mum has had two appointments with the oncology consultant and she has cancelled them both, I feel so angry that she has done that as I have questions I need answering. Am I being selfish? 

Mum is scared to go out and I can appreciate that. She has said oh we will do this… we will do that… and then when it comes to it she says no! I feel like she is giving up, the Macmillan people have told her she is a long way off the end of life…. How do they know?? (I know they deal with this everyday) 

I work a full time job, 7am starts and every day I go and see Mum and do everything I can for her, clean, washing, shower her, go collect medication. (Which I don’t mind - she’s my mum and I love her) I have my own family and house to sort and look after . 

Not quite sure what I am rambling on about now.. is there any way I can talk to someone about my mums condition?? I would like to see the oncologist consultant and hear what he has got to say and for him to answer all my unanswered questions. 

sorry for going on and on, but I feel at a loss and feel very lost about it all. 

If I’m not in the right place, please could someone please please point me in the right direction. 

Thank you so much. 
c xx 

  • Hello C and thank you for contacting the online community.

    I’m sorry to hear about your mum’s diagnosis. It sounds like she has good support around her but it’s understandable that you’re concerned about the fact she’s cancelled her upcoming appointments. Has she done this because she’s scared to go out do you think? Perhaps her consultant can arrange a telephone appointment if this might be easier for her.

    I don’t think it’s selfish that you have questions that you don’t want left unanswered. You obviously want the best for your mum and her illness impacts your life a great deal. It’s only natural that you want to find out what’s happening. Have you explained to her how this has made you feel C? Do you think she might give her consent to you speaking to her consultant?

    C we’re here for you (and your mum of course) through this difficult time. Although we don’t have access to medical records, we have a team of cancer specialist nurses here on the support line if you have any questions you’d like to ask.

    Your mum sounds lucky to have you in her corner, I can hear how much you care about her and it sounds like you do a lot for her despite having your own family. We understand the impact cancer can have on family and friends and we’re here if it helps to talk things through C. You can call in on 0808 808 00 00 (7 days a week, 8am – 8pm), web chat or email if you’d prefer.

    Take care.

    Alex, Information and Support Adviser

    Remember you can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or by email.