WTF........

Wiggy

2009-10-20T20:59:33Z

mums started her radiotherapy. They're zaping the tumours in her brain first of all, five days of zappage. Mums fine so far (think we're all more worried than she is!!) and has had no side effects yet.

The radiotherapisty person said she will definately lose her hair. He also said that she's to take control, shave it then go and get a wig before she has to watch it fall out gradually. Mum was totally dreading the hair loss.

Have to tell you though, we discovered a MOST AMAZING lady today. Her name is Sharon and she owns Mast Hair Piece in Paisley. I highly, highly recommend this lady. Not only is her stock great, she's just a really nice person. She talked mum through whats likely to happen with her hair and was really supportive, not just about the hair, but emotionally. So Sharon, if you're reading this, thanks.

So mum looks lovely! She's so chuffed with her new hair. She achieved a look on 40 minutes that she's been trying to achieve for the last 40 years, she has volume in her wig! She was so pleased she bought a second one too! So, cancer for mum does seem to have some benefits!

WTF 3 - back to work

2009-10-13T20:15:56Z

Oh lordy me. First day back at work since mums diagnosis. I had a week off to kinda come to terms (as much as you can) with whats inevitable. Been a tough week as I'm sure you all have experienced in your own way ; so in a way I was kinda glad to get back to work.

Aye, right. That lasted about 10 seconds. Usual crap, pretty much from the outset, only difference is that I seem to have lost my ability to put on a face and just let it slide passed without letting it get to me. Suddenly all the nonsense people throw at you seems to fade away, I wasn't hearing what anyone said, just a kind of blah, blah, blah, blah that irritated the hell out of me.

Guess life must go on though, will need to force down the urge to tell people exactly what I think of their piffeling moans.

On the upside, mum started some of her treatment today, some bone strengthening drip once a month. She's feeling really positive and frankly putting the rest of us to shame. (mind you, her nurse tells us steroids can make you strangely happy). She starts her radiotherapy next week and I think mum feels like she's starting to take control and fight back.

Mum never ceases to amaze me. She has her wobbles of course, as is expected but mostly she's tring to be really proactive. What a lady. She's even aiming to try and return to work after her radiotherapy. (Glutton for punishment if you ask me!!!!)

Wish I could be more like my mum.

WTF 2

2009-10-07T18:54:12Z

So, its apparently good news. I thought mum was 'doomed'. That was my initial fear. Its definately not good, but all is not lost.

Mums cancer has spread to her bones, round her chest cavity, into her legs, her spine and into her head. Thats the joy of stage 4. When we were told on Sunday night, all I could do was cry. But they got back from the oncologist today and we've been told they're going to try blasting the cancer in her spine and head.

This will not cure mum but it will make mum more comfortable and her walking a bit easier. I really hope so. I hate to see ma wee mammy like this.

So there's the facts. I can't believe it. It's so surreal. Its like its happening to another family (not that I would wish this on anyone else) but I'm talking about my family. Oh my god.

Tell you one thing though, through all this I have discovered, (not strictly true, more re-discovered) the warmth of some people. In a strange way, me and my family are closer than we ever were and friends are showing true colours. I thank goodness for all of you.

Few days off work.

2009-10-06T21:02:50Z

I arranged with my boss to have a few days off work to get used to my mums stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis. I have to admit to feeling like a bit of a fraud, mum seems okay just now and we had a great day together, just drinking tea. Was thinking about going back to work when I totally randomly burst into floods of tears. So thats why I need time off. I think i'm fine and then I'm not.

I'm supposed to be strong for my family. I'm usually the one who keeps the troops together. I'm the fixer. I feel so useless. I can't fix my mum. I can't fix how everyone is feeling. I can't seem to get myself together.

This won't do at all. We're going to concentrate on making smiles and laughs. I can cry into my pillow when my family can't see me. Right now I think I don't want them to have to cope with me too. My mum, in her usual amazing fashion, is remaining eternally positive (and possibly a little stoned from her meds...) so it really would be a cheek not to spend the next few days having fun. Just need to stop feeling sad.

WTF 1

2009-10-06T09:11:44Z

Okay, we've got a diagnosis, its stage 4 lung cancer and you know what, i'm really, really furious. (hence the title of my blog, sorry, if its offensive, can change, let me know).

My mum is someone I have admired all my life, as are most of our mums. But she's amazing, always has been. So why her, she's done nothing but work hard and be a good person her whole life. She brings Education initiatives to kids and schools around the world, Malawi, mountain village in Thailand and so on, she works all the hours she can to make a difference.

So, yip, I'm really bloody angry.

And sad. I can't stop crying just now. We don't know exactly how long mums got, so thats the last thing I want to do, spend it bubbling all over my mum. I don't want her to feel miserable, thats the last thing I want. Shes determined to go back to work and have new experiences, so my challenge is to support her in that. Help. Its really hard.