Working?

Happy tears

2011-10-08T20:52:03Z

Had a most delightful text message from Sascha today - her daughter (she is a pupil at the school I used to work in where Sascha still works) has had a collection for me at the school!! And they want to know what I would like!! How sweet is that?! I was too gobsmacked and goosebumpy to think about what might be nice ... Sascha asked if I'd like a tattoo, but I don't know if I am brave enough these days ... I have 4, and have pondered on another ... hmmm. It's either a tattoo or a nice necklace/bracelet I think, coz I thought of a massage but then I wanted something to keep if the kids at school have gone to the trouble of collecting for Miss Bev ;) Brought a tear to my eye :) It's made me grin all day :)

So this afternoon two of my best friends met for the first time! Lou and Lynne, in the same cafe, with me! We had a hoot :)

Deri was dropped off about 6 by my fab and loopy mum and stepdad, high as a kite on haribo lol! We had a nice natter and cwtchs before bedtime story. She's planning what she wants for xmas! I reminded her she has a birthday before that ;) I decided to get rid of a pile of books and old letters that were cluttering up my kitchen worktop so books are on the bookshelf, squeezed them in, and the bread machine (that was hiding on top of a table), and the slowcooker (that was squashed between the cooker and toaster) are now next to the fruit bowls because there is much more room... :)

So, lunch at mum's tomorrow... yumyum!

Making some plans but not others

2011-10-07T19:17:16Z

Missed an entry last night, as I went to the PTA AGM. Wow I know how to party! :)

So I've been busy in work, arranging meetings with people who want to form links or hire our rooms etc, and some fun stuff such as planing the Xmas Fayre Fundraiser. I DO like my job, and feel very lucky that I do!

We have booked a holiday for March, as I am hoping that all treatments will be well and truly over by then. BUT that little bit of insecure doubt that cancer throws into your life is being annoying and occasionally tweaking my brain with ''what-if's'', although the positive part of me (which is usually most of me!) says 'hah! as if' ;)

Also, a group of my best friends are all getting together to celebrate being 40 this year... having a big party 3 days after chemo # 6 - I will go along, but I'll be tired lol! So can't really plan whether I can go in the coach, as I may want to leave early, but I'd rather not drive, and Mars is going so she might drive me, and that's fab. It's just frustrating that the treatments get in your way lol!! I am grateful that things are going well, I am, but you can't help but grump sometimes!

The 'Big Scan' is on Monday and the results should be back by Wednesday on chemo # 5. Here's to Good Results.......................

So this evening the fire is lit, little 'un is at her nan's, lie-in in the morning and sitting in cafe with Lou tomorrow :)

Ooh, that was fun!

2011-10-05T20:13:07Z

Well I started the day by being in work, but getting more excited and slightly nervous about meeting a member of my Macland family , in PERSON!!

I had to go to hospital today to have Boob Tubes flushed, and LM told me she was going htere too, and,,,, at the same time lol!

Too good an opportunity to miss and now we've done it I want to meet all of you so LM will have to get this Group Meet event sorted heehee!!

So, having swapped some details about height, hair colour or in my case, colour of headwear, and some clothing etc, we realised we could cover most shades of the rainbow and would be very unlikely to miss each other :) And we met, and hugged, and I had a pressie!! How lovely was that?! And we nattered and laughed for two whole hours until the cafe volunteer ladies shut up shop! Although we had to try not to laugh too hard to LM's wiggly bits didn't fall back out............. and one of the nicest bits was that it felt right to do it despite being mad too, nd we could easily slip from one topic to another whether it was shiny new bracelets, annoying people at work, cancer stuff, or kids and back again :))

And I had a little smile all the way home.

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bristly?

2011-10-04T22:07:48Z

I have just shaved all my hair - well, the sparse tufty bits that were hanging on - off. I borrows a friends hair clippers. How weirdly liberating in a arrgghh I'm bald isn't it quite amusing in an odd way!! :D

We got the new expresso/cappuchino machine working this evening - no LM, it's NOT red and shiny like yours, its black and shiny, which I guess matches the slow cooked Hehehehe! - and it's very fast! No more lurking waiting for the cafeterie (sp?) to brew and plunge it etc if you fancy proper coffee....unless you have time to spare it does take ages, and now I have another coffee option - as I also have one of those little French coffee pots you put on the stove to boil, so we are now fully equipped for any coffee emergency lol!

Well, I have my buff on round my head, let's see if it stays on all night, it's a bit nippy.... xxx

Cooking? Nope, hippy rambling alert

2011-10-03T21:36:02Z

Catering must be in the air - picked up a free Delonghi expresso/cappuchino coffee machine today from the fab Freecucle :)

I've been veering between wanting to be treated as normal with no fussing to feeling slightly miffed at some absent folk ... now, there are not many of them I must say, just one or two, but it's all about lessons for us all, and some paths are not going to travel along together all the time, eh? :)

Along the way, over lots of years now, I've been blessed with some damn good friends, old and new, so ... thank you all :))

So, off to experiment with coffees and cookers and be thankful for all the good stuff and all the bumpy stuff, coz that bring more good stuff if you listen hard enough ;)

Roller Coaster

2011-10-02T21:10:45Z

No, not a very cheerful one.......!

This morning I nearly gave up on having a bath. Why? Because I'd have to to make sure it wasn't too deep and wear a necklace to tuck my tubes into and even then wash very carefully to not get too much of anything medical very wet... and I was tired of feeling knackered and I was all grumpy an dfeeling sorry for myself (no, really?! I hear you cry!) ........

So I lay on my bed and read a book (reading a fab one right now called House Of Sleep) to ease myself into a different mood... and then got up and said ''no way is this getting me down!" and enjoyed a very nice bath and laughed at all the bits tucked in and not getting wet stuff :)

Progressive tiredness is what it must be eh? You lot warned me about that, thankfully I haven't been vomiting etc, of which I am very grateful!

Went to my mums for lunch which was very nice but I wasn't really 'there', and then my lovely stepdad gave me a gift of ... a slow cooker! Um, it's great for cooking red meat in but I only buy chicken, which needs to be added later, so maybe it will work out ok if the veg is all cooked during the day?? I have no idea, being kitchen-appliance un-savvy! ;)

Needing more sleep now, so catch you all tomorrow...

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Friends :)

2011-10-01T23:18:10Z

So, Fri night, Mars came over :) Had a lovely pizza and a lovely natter :))

And now I have a certain person's mobile number so looking forward to daft texts and visits too, heh heh heh!

Saturday, today, started with a long lie-in, and then me and Broni flopped about in front of TV together, and then Em came over for lunch and a natter which was very lovely... :))

And then Deri came home (than you mum for having her overnight & all day today!!) and we had cuddles and leaping around-ness (not me tho!) and bed-time stories and then Broni and me watched Dr Who but I can't say what happeend coz then Mars was coming over and she hasnt seen it yet! ;)

We had another natter and watched a DVD and that was ALSO very lovely :))

What a great weekend so far!

Thank you everyone, here, there, all over the place, you've made my weekend rather a good 'un ;)

Hair today, gone tomorrow?

2011-09-29T10:50:55Z

Well having checked my hair from all angles by using 2 mirrors, I can see that it is so patchy it's going to have to go!

I am wearing a ''buff'' that Pedro donated at the mo, and going out for lunch with mum and Bry in a bit so may try my jersey hat too ... and then borrow some clippers and have to go for it ... oh blimey, kinda looking forward to just getting rid of it and kinda wondering how weird it will be!!

Thankfully temperature is behaving, and had a lovely surprise this morning when Kerry was free and popped over with a bun for a catch-up :)

See what the lady from Usk House has to say later re: which therapies I can have! :)

Chemo # 4 ...

2011-09-28T19:47:17Z

So after getting PET scan postponed until the 10th, off I went to Nevill Hall for chemo #4. Jo came to chat with me during the last hour :)
My ''positional'' hickman line played up so I wiggled in chair and flapped some arms etc and then discovered that if I pulled my shoulders back, it flowed freely lol!
So I sat with correct posture and nearly offered to balance a book on my head... ;)
Back home and at abouy 4pm felt myself getting cold and shivery - aha I thought, it's going to be a high temperature type afternoon. So wrapped in PJs, fluffy dressing gowna nd a blanket, I lay all light - headed and woozy on the sofa. Then 2 hours later I was BOILING and had to sit in my vest! Have been taking my temperature every half hour and drinking lots (no not the gin) and it's back down again. Couldn't eat lunch either, felt too woozy. Have just had a cuppa and a slice of mum's home made cheescake and beginning to feel more normal.
So, PET scan is now on the 10th as I said, two days before chemo #5 - the doc today says they will continue with the course of chemo (6) whatever the results, as even if the lumps HAVE disappeared, finishing the course will obviously help etc. Who's keeping fingers crossed that is WILL only be 6? ;)
Tomorrow Dinae from Usk House Hospice is calling in to discuss my free complemntary therapies options! :D Very excited!
And if I'm feeling ok, I may go out for lunch with my muma nd stepdad, but I won't if feeling slightly wobbly as last time it wiped me out!

Glow in the dark

2011-09-26T21:36:02Z

So tomorrow, I go off to the Heath (rather be swept off by Heathcliffe but you can't have everything) in Cardiff For the PET Scan (nope, no ducks or dogs will be involved) to be injected with glow in the dark stuff but instead of throwing star shapes I have to sit perfectly still for 90 minutes. . . so I'm taking a book!! I can't have anyone sit with me as I'll be very radioactive so I guess it's another opportunity for chilling out with a book eh?

After 90 minutes they then out me in the bigger version of the giant polo I went in for the CT scan, and lie there for 20 mins. By then it'll be lunch time and I'll be ravenous! I can't have physical contact wirh any young children or pregnant people for 6 hours after being injected so good thing Deri is at her friend's for tea and her mum with bring her back late by which time I'll be huggable.

Then, hospitals are not done with me, because on the way home I have to pop in to my local (still no G&T's yet) for bloods to be taken ready for Chemo#4 on Wednesday.

Now, I am hoping that the possibility the doc mentioned will be a reality when I get my PET results... ie: that if the lumps have shrunk quickly enough I will only need 6 treatments. I am aware that the reality could be anything too. So, another waiting game... grrr to waiting LOL!

My hair. Well, instead of just falling out, it's thinning on top. I have a fringe. I have hair at the back. The bit in between is pathetic! Thankfully, being a full-blown hippy (see previous blog) I have those hippy hairbands which can be worn wide or thin so they are currently on 'fairly wide' mode ;)

So I'll take my weird hair (says the girl who used to have red dreadlocks in a previous life) and go and glow in an unsociable non-touchy way and then have more blood extracted and then maybe just lurk on the sofa with cups of tea and blink a lot ...................

Sofas

2011-09-25T09:57:49Z

Morning!

Well, yesterday all I did was drive to drop off my middle free-range-teen at the train station, and then pick her up again later. My youngest was picked up for ballet and taken to the milkshake bar thingy then back to her friend's, and my eldest was at her b/f's, so I practised what I have been preaching, and SAT ON THE SOFA ALL DAY *looks proud*

I watched Discovery channel - Animal Cops rescue and Monkey Life Sanctuary LOL! and bid for some shoes on ebay. Bliss ;) I only got twitchy once or twice and kept reminding myself that this is what my body needs so help get better, and it was nice for a change to just zone out and not use my brain very much!

This morning I am back to jabbing myself in the tummy again for 3 days leading up to chemo #4 (2b) and trying to stop myself thinking about the results of the PET which I haven't even had yet! It's next Tuesday and I'm hoping it's all going as planned!! Do any of you find yourselves imagining all the 'what-ifs' and going through all the possibilities?! I do try not to but now and then it creeps up on me and then I find myself doing that and have to shake myself out of it! I usually just have a word with the lumps and say 'yeh, you, buggering off now are you' and visualise myself lump-free etc ...

Today we are off for lunch at my mum's, tomorrow my mum and stepdad are painting the bathroom! It's been interesting because often when they helped out it was attached to a condition of some sort but since having cancer they are just offering unconditionally. I know our lifestyles differ and they way we keep houses differs and they can't understand festivals or ''weird'' music and taking my kids off to look at stone circles (did I hear someone shout ''hippy'' ?! lol) so they tried to help me a single mum but pull me into their way of doing stuff and that never worked so there were sometimes clashes.... but all that's gone now which leads me to think that some good shit is coming out of this cancer stuff too. Or is that just me? *grins*

And my poor friends... usually they have me chatty and bubbly for long periods of time and now it's in short bursts... oh, wait, maybe that's a GOOD thing for them? :P ... but sustaining a conversation is tricky these days even when you don't think you're feeling that tired, you realise you are actually quite knackered and can't keep up a chat which you were looking forward to. And that's quite annoying!

At work it's not too bad as everyone is busy so there only short snatches of chat and then the rest of the time I'm busy emailing, organising etc, or taking referrals, in person or on the phone. Some of these can take time, but because it's all about THEM and you're busy listening and planning what's best at same time, it seems to work out ok, and if I do feel drained afterwards I can go make a cuppa and chill out for a bit :)

I'd better go and get showered and dressed now then otherwise I'll be turning up for lunch in my pyjamas! Have a good day guys n gals and I'll catch up in a bit (wish me luck for my ebay shoes!)

Ems xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Head tilting

2011-09-23T22:20:22Z

So, went to see my GP, the nice man that was a bit too blase about my lumps in my neck... he had asked me to go in, and was very head tilty and ''it's always difficult to know how concerned to be about lumps" type chat. I have him The Look and said 'yes and I'm glad I came to see you when I did and asked for the referral and once I'd been to hospital things moved very quickly...' and decided I'd leave it at that as he was trying very hard to be helpful and offer support etc...... I told him about me calling Usk House re: complementary therapies and he said there are 2 Macmillan nurses there too. I left then with us agreeing that I'd call him if I needed anything.

Back into work then where I did lots of emailing and started planning a Xmas-y type fayre at the centre ( I KNOW!) and then bought a nintendo ds lite on ebay for my 6 year old's birthday which was nearly half price with lots of free games so let's hope it is working ;)

Last night I roasted a chicken so today had some in sarnies for work and last ight made the rest into a casserole with broccoli and yellow peppers and celery and garlic :D ... So had some of that this evening........ NomNomNom! It will be soup tomorrow............... but do I have that before or after the crab fishcakes my mum made ... ? ;)

Now I am starving LOL!

I'll have another appointment please. Or a 'complement'

2011-09-22T22:08:13Z

So today I had another appointment. Well, why not, not like I have anything better to do :)) It was a meeting with the cancer psychologist. The nurses book you in as routine and then they see you regularly if you're not coping well etc... we had a good natter and she said that often she is contacted by patients after the treatments finish as when there's nothing else happening some people feel lost... we agreed that I was doing ok for now but I can call her any time to meet up if me or my kids are upset etc. Fab :) Nice to know how much support is out there.

My GP appointment is tomorrow. PET scan Tuesday followed by calling into my local (hospital not pub these days) for my bloods ready for my chemo appointment ... where do you fit in just being then? ;)

AND, I called a local hospice and support centre to enquire about their complementary therapies for cancer patients and a nice lady called back and is coming to see me next Thursday to fill in forms and take notes etc and then book me in for whatever therapies are most appropriate ... yay for being spoiled! :D

I am hoping that when I get PET results they say in a jolly voice "oh there we are, only 2 more chemos for you!" yet am aware it may need to be more so gang, more keeping fingers crossed please! ;)

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PETs, but not small furry ones

2011-09-21T22:38:19Z

Today I mostly ate cupcakes. For charity of course :))

Went and had Boob Tube flushed. Kay the nurse managed to get some blood out of it today but only by me standing up, taking deep breaths, then coughing then swinging my arm around. Which was needed after those cupcakes I expect. Saw Gwen the non-stop talking lady there (did I not mention her last week??) who told me all about her sandwiches from Waitrose. :)

Got home to my bathroom taps having been fixed by Ian Glanusk Fixing Man. And my mum having ordered a shedful of logs. Huzzah! And, a letter from GP asking me to go in and see him. Guessing its about my diagnosis and him wanting to catch up. He has some catching up to do! And then a phone-call from the Heath hospital in Cardiff, saying my PET scan is next Tuesday! 10am. Once I'm injected with radioactive stuff I have to sit as still as possible for 1 and half hours, so taking books! Then I get scanned in a bigger version of the giant polo I went in when I had the CT scan. Then I have to avoid physical contact with children or pregnant people for 6 hours from start of injection, so can't hug my kids immediately after school :( Then, ta da dah... waiting for results , again!

Then, I went to a public meeting with some weirdos from the council who did a very good job of pretending to listen to us parents about why they must NOT close down our kids' primary school... dunno what I said but the local journo came up and asked me and Liz for our phone numbers - uh-oh! ;)

Now..............bed... sleep. yum................. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's all for charity yeh

2011-09-20T22:44:19Z

Today the 1 year anniversary of the centre I manage was celebrated by raising funds for Breast Cancer and Jeans for Genes and I planned it before the chemo started or had a diagnosis so all I could do was ''direct'' really, and everyone did me proud and there were fabulous home made cakes and teas n coffees - and despite the drizzle , in 3 hours we raised £170!! :))

Despite trying not to do much I was on my feet a while and my back is telling me off but we all enjoyed it!

Home to another fire and loaning out my laptop for German homework & psychology homework ;)

Am quite knackered so will claim an hours' TOIL tomorrow after the hospital appointment and go home early. A good plan methinks... now, I wonder if anyone finds this to read it on this crazy confusing new Macland?! ;)

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