tracey2404

frightened

2011-07-26T13:17:30Z

well i've started my phased return to work. few half days and a full day tomorrow. bit tired after work but nothing major. still having problems with constipation which wears me down but i cant really complain. my biggest fear is the unknown. i was visited a few times in hospital from a pal ronnie who had just had an op for bladder cancer. he was doing well and looked great. fast forward 6 weeks and he is now in a hospice with the cancer spread thru his bones. he can bearly talk and this big lump of a rugby player is just skin and bone. i am devistated for him and can't get my head around how fast this has been. i know its a different cancer but i now have a permanent headache worrying about mine coming back - which i'm told it will.

how do people get on with their lives without breaking into a cold sweat when they get a niggling pain or can't be bothered eating?? i think i'm making myself ill worrying about it.

advice please folks. xxxxx tracey

panic

2011-07-19T01:24:56Z

well it's a few weeks since i had great news that i don't need to see anyone unless symptoms come back but i am now paranoid if anything is out of the normal. i was at he doc for my return to work line and was again told to mention anything if i think has changed. i've still had problems with either constipation or if i take drinks and tablets etc - forever going to the toilet! but now i've just had a couple of times that there appeara to be blood in my stools. do i go back to the doc so soon or is it just the fact that i'm taking drinks, laxitives etc to go ? i don't want to appear paranoid but i'm just not sure when you tell the doctor or not. any advice please. xx

in remission

2011-07-05T13:18:42Z

got my scan and just got results - tumours have shrunk and they dont want to see me for 4 months unless symptoms return. i just burst into tears with relief. i went to the ward that treated me and let the nurses know and they were so happy for me too.

been told it will return at some point but hopefully that will be a long way off.

thanx to everyone on here that have been so supportive and i'll keep praying for you too.

las vegas here i come. xxxxxx

chemo finished - bizare meeting

2011-06-16T10:24:22Z

i've not been on here for a while so lets give you an update....

finished chemo on 5th may. everything went well apart from the awful tiredness with the last two sessions. went to benejarafe in spain to my pals appartment for a long weekend - it was so peaceful (well as peaceful as it gets with 6 of us there!!) had a fantastic time and got colour even with my factor 30 and my hat on 24 hours a day. lol x

have been going into work for the occassional half day and enjoying it but sleeping most of the afternoon after it.

i got my appointment to see the prof on the 14th june. i got one of his assistants who asked the usual questions then had a prod all over. told me the liver wasn't swollen so the chemo had been working. She then asked IF I WANTED A SCAN!!!!! i couldn't believe what i heard. of course i want a bloody scan. i want to know how good the chemo worked and what has happened to the tumour in the bowel. she said some folk don't want one and because i look healthy and have not much pain i might not want one!!!! i looked healthy and had not too much pain when i went for the original scan that found the damn cancer and the doctors were gobsmacked.

i cannot understand this line they are taking. i was told the liver would flare up again at some point and probably have to go thru more chemo so why wouldn't they scan me to see how good/bad it is??

am i missing something? does this happen to everyone? i then asked if the tumour in the bowel would be removed( as i thought this was what they would do). i was then told if its shrunk and not doing too much damage they wouldn't put me thru a major operation. I'm only 49 for ***** sake i've still got a life and how do they know how its doing if they dont scan it????

sorry for the rant but i'm still angry and still not relieved that the liver has shrunk. i wont be convinced until i get the scan and then i can book my holiday to vegas.

anyone had this sort of treatment on the follow up meeting??

apart from that i am well although my hair is coming out and she put that down to stress!!! stress - i'll give them stress hahahaha.

i hope everyone else is as well as can be expected and i look forward to your comments.

love and big hugs

tracey xxxxx

birthday fun

2011-04-25T08:39:18Z

well the birthday was great - went for high tea on the friday with 11 of my pals and it was fab. couldn't go to the pub after as so tired but it was a good few hours.

sunday my pals came down with a picnic and we had an easter egg hunt too. thet bought me a swing for the garden which is fabby.

my problem is my arms, shoulders and neck are sore to touch. any ideas??? i'm getting paranoid as its only over a fortnight before i go away to spain for the weekend. probably its just tiredness but its getting me down. trying to be cheerful but like to have a bubble to myself.

anyway back to positive and happy thoughts. hope everyone is well and enjoyed easter.

love and hugs tracey xxx

5th chemo

2011-04-22T08:59:55Z

back home after the penultimate chemo but boy am i tired. it's taken a lot out of me this time and ive got the sick feeling constantly. been put on nosinan again but the correct dosage this time lol but not doing much yet. don't know whether to move around and do stuff or just sit and chill (sometimes think that makes you more tired).

feel good apart from that. wee niggles of pain but i put that down to chemo doing its work. anyway weather is good here in dundee - just waiting for the sun to come out. pals have cut grass and we've planted flowers so its looking good.birthday on sunday so crowd of us going out for high tea on saturday to a place called the glass pavilion in broughty ferry which looks over the river tay - its a gorgeous place so really looking forward to it.

have a great easter everyone

love and hugs

tracey xxxxxx

spain here we come

2011-04-13T12:20:06Z

yeesssssssss. just got flights booked (£92) for long weekend in sunny nerja at a pals house. six of us going to chill. i'm so happy. i phoned MIA insurance and can get it for £58 which i thought was reasonable but she did say they couldn't do las vegas and doubted if anyone would!!! anyone out there know of another company that may do Vegas in october?? i'll only be 49 so its not if i'll be an auld foggie lol (sorry to any elderly folk reading this)

vegas is a dream so i'd be gutted if i couldn't go and i'm not silly enough to go without it - spesh to america.

anyway 4th chemo done and feel great so bring on the last two. lol

hasta la vista with hugs

tracey xxxxx

11 april

2011-04-11T09:10:39Z

hi guys

not been on for a bit. not sure why - busy and tired. finished my 4th session and came out to the sun shining and feeling great. still feel great but overwhelmed with tirdness - don't know whether its the heat or not. friends came down for a couple of hours on saturday afternoon and i sat out in the sun for a little bit - did get rays when i normally don't. went out for a meal at night and loved it. slept well and was up at half seven on sunday. got my papers and a few things but then had to sleep. pals came down all afternoon as it was gorgeous - i stayed in shade but when they left i slept most of the evening - soundly!! still managed to go to bed and get a good sleep. can't believe how "wabbit" i feel when i also feel good!!! tablets have been reduced as they were making me tired but is this usual - coming to the end of my treatment to be as tired??

ive had wee walks and betty the beetle mobile has had her top off so i'm not just lazing around.

on another personal matter - my mum was a spiritualist and i have beliefs too so i'm getting a reading on friday with a reputable medium - hope it goes well.

anyway its sunny again in bonnie dundee so i might go for another wee walk around the estate - we have a lovely burn beside us so i might walk down to that.

take care everyone and have a good day

love and hugs

tracey xxxxxx

28 March - Help !!!

2011-03-28T10:30:40Z

Can anyone tell me a good website or company that will give me travel insurance for bowel and liver cancer??

I'm hoping to go away in May for a long weekend to spain for a bit of relaxation at a pal's house but i'm finding it difficult to get any sort of insurance. This is a bit worrying as i'm also meant to be going to Vegas in October too!!. Some on-line companies appear to decline it cos i've two cancers and others it appears to be cos i'm on strong painkillers!!! Any help would be much appreciated.

Finished my 3rd Chemo lat Thursday and i'm now begining to feel the effects. Got woken up today with pain in arm from where needle was in and just feel "floppy" still look the same, have an appetite and want to do things but brain is screaming " slow down and help yourself" i'm still driving all over the place in betty beetle but i'm also aware not to drive just after taking tablets ( after my friends commented on my driving ) hehehe

Still feeling very positive but the more chemo sessions come along a wee thought in the back of my mind says " is this working or not"" is the pain a good sign cos its working or because its spreading"

i promised myself i'd never get negative but ....... ach - i'm just having a bad day. i've loads to look forward too and a busy week ahead - although one of the things is to attend the funeral of a very dear friends dad who i've known all my life.

sorry this has not been my usual cheery blog - normality will reign soon.

All the best for everyone

love and big hugs

Tracey

xxxxxx

20 march

2011-03-20T18:44:18Z

wella mixed week for me. after work on the wednesday i was exhausted all of thursday and a bit weepy - think i realised i wasn't superwoman and maybe 3 1/2 hours was a tad too much for the first time. friday was better - at docs and got different tabs for sickness - cyclizine which seems to be doing the trick. saturday was a different day all together. had a trip to edinburgh airport to pick up my pals son (i was just a passenger). started to get niggle in liver area - liked trapped wind again. i blame it on a too tight bra!!! as i loosened it and it did relieve it slightly but was in a lot of pain. painkillers helped a bit but was up during the night to take more. today it has been much better but a slight niggle still there. i'm sure it was the bra that irritated the liver. any other suggestions??

anyway was a happy bunny as dundee went 21 games undefeated, rangers beat celtic and chelsea beat man city - the blues go marching on. lol

back into ninewells on tuesday for 3rd sesh so fingers crossed it goes ok

love to all

tracey

xxxx

16 march - back to work

2011-03-16T15:28:46Z

well i went into work to day from 11-3.30 and did well but boy am i tired now. can't say i did much work as folk kept coming into the office to say hello but i was there!! i also had to try and read 1500 emails!!!!! needless to say most went unread.

im going to take a rest tomorrow but have the doc on friday so will go in again maybe from 10.30-2 ish. feel that if i can get in well why not.

hope everyone else is doing well and not having too many problems.

love and peace

Tracey

14 march

2011-03-14T09:57:06Z

decided to have a bit of retail therapy today. i'm getting my hall and stairs redecorated and its taken forever as walls keep crumbling, dodgy floor and paper has taken 3 weeks to deliver but the end is in sight. lol i'm gonna look for blinds, voile curtains and anything else i fancy hehehehe.

a question for you. my friends are and have been magnificent with me - always popping in, phoning and basically stalking me as i'm on my own. i have been honest with them but at times when i feel a bit down i don't want to burden them. should i say when i need a cuddle? i don't want them running here all the time but just not sure when to say something. i'm a very positive person and feel good but now and again - like now as my mouth is a bit swollen and sore i get pissed off but i don'r want to moan. is this normal?? i can cry on my own no problem and i enjoy my own company but its nice when they are there - but i then start getting them upset!!!!!!!!!! HELP please.

well that's my wee moan over. any ideas what medication i can get for my mouth? looks like it might be thrush - not gonna phone doc yet as its not too painful but i am beginning to dread eating - apart from icecream lol

love and hugs

tracey

xxxx

13 march

2011-03-13T00:23:26Z

morning everyone. hope you are all feeling ok.

home from second chemo and feeling good. have sore mouth and tired but that's all. give you a laugh though - i got anti sickness tablets from doc and they made me like a zombie - was given 25mgs when should have been given 3-6 mgs!! hehehehe no wonder i felt zapped - but hey no sickness and i got a great sleep lol hospital nurses kept laughing at my tales about it.

when i was in ninewells i was with all the men again (overflow bays ) but i loved it as i was able to talk about my beloved dundee football club to anyone who'd listen. got a good blether with them all.

been given different sickness tablets - metroclopramide which seems to help and i'm off my steroids now.

for the scots on here as not sure if the others will know him, andy gray - the actor in rab c, city lights and a brilliant panto charactor came to pick up his dad dennis from ninewells. i got my pic taken with him and he sat and spoke to us for a bit - what a really nice man. another celebrity for my wall - i'm a stalker hehehehe.

anyway i'm rambling about absolutely nothing as i just wanted to let everyone know i'm fine and even hoping to go into work next week for 2 half days.

talking of work - i went into see everyone and was looking good until they handed over a huge get well card, a beautiful bangle and an amazon kindle that they had bought for me!!!!!!! tears obviously flowed - i was overwhelmed by their kindness and the kindle will be great when i'm in hospital.

anyway love to everyone and i'll keep you posted on how i get on at work - if i make it.

love and peace

Tracey

xxxxx

monday 7 march

2011-03-07T09:19:14Z

morning everyone. haven't written for a bit due to dodgy internet mainly but also i didn't want to write anything when i wasn't in the right frame of mind. i was feeling great but last wednesday began to feel wery sick - like a hangover without the enjoyment hehehehe i could cope with that but it does drag you down - especially when you feel good apart from that. friend rallied round to cheer me up but there were tears as i was soooo frustrated.

went to docs on friday and got nozinan for the sickness - well blow me down. they make me spaced out like a zombie - they are brill lol. i turned white, and wanted to sleep where a stood ( which was a wee cafe in the town) i had some fresh air, drove - VERY carefully home then crashed for 2 hours. same happened next morning when i took one - i had to go lie down and staggered around for a few hours but hey - sickness was gone. i am a cheap date now - just need to take a nozinan and whammo.

my pal lynnette took me for tea on friday night - we could have gone anywhere but we plumped for driving to arbroath, getting a fish supper and sitting in the car overlooking the harbour watching the world go by. it was one of the best fish suppers i've had- plenty salt and vinegar.

anyway i am feeling good again and go into ninewells tomorrow for my second session of chemo. feeling positive about it.

i'll let you all know how i get on on my return.

hope everyone is having a painfree week. sun is shining in dundee again so that's a bonus for me.

love to all

Tracey

xxxxx

tuesday 1 march

2011-03-01T07:54:46Z

morning everyone. it's the 1st of March and the sun is shining in bonnie dundee although it is frosty.

I had my first setback yesterday evening as i was sick for the first time. I'm not sure if its due to the yeuchy mouth or i think i may be drinking too much tea and water. That's another thing i'm puzzled about - I am a tea jenny and can drink it all day but i want to drink something else but can't seem to find anything. I absolutely adore diet irn bru but the thought of it makes me "boak" is it maybe because its fizzy?? Does anyone have a favourite drink now??

I have a 5 year old cockatiel called Missy who is my wee mate. she doesn't speak but whistles away and has a fettish for my feet!! she will sit on the end of my foot and sing "oh when the saints go marching in " to them!!! She gets out her cage all the time but is worse than a dog - she has eaten my wallpaper, blinds, walls (yes walls - i had to get a bit plastered!!) my sideboard and has eaten thru umpteen wires for lights etc. she loves icecream, beans and curry - in fact she'll eat anything lol but i wouldn't change her for the world. i'm not letting her out as much for the cleanliness issue and now wear gloves and have wipes to clean up as soon as i find her "business"

anyway meeting my friends heather and danette in town today to get a birthday present for a wee pal who's 10 today so we may even have time for a spot of lunch too - if i can keep it down. I've been given domperidone for the sickness and hadn't been taking them cos i felt ok but have decided to just take them now anyway - do you think that's the way to go?

I'll go now but update you later. Hope eveyone has a painfree day

Love and Peace

Tracey

xxxxxx