sheena2112's blog

its been a week

2010-02-19T16:28:10Z

it has been a week since dads funeral still dont know how i feel it will be 4 weeks monday we lost him, funeral was nice we had theme tune from only fools and horses and vicar of dibley as thease were dads fav tv programs he wasnt really in to music as such and has luck would have it the boat he was captain of(oil rig stanby vessel) docked that day and was sailing that night so all dads flowers went on the boat to sea which was nice he loved he sea been out there for 52 years since he was 14.Life seems so empty now without him we were so close, weird thing happened that day though, i have dads watch and havnt taken it off since he died i looked at time day of funeral and it was 12.30,we were leaving at 1, after the funeral my friend asked me the time and the watch had jumped forward 2 hours, i checked it and dial was pushed in at side so wasnt that so i reset the time and it has been perfect since as it was before day of funeral i just cant explain why it done this????. I just dont know how to move on from this and get back to normality, cancer and my dad consumed my life for a whole year, i find it hard to sociolise and go out my partner works away so on my own most of time and my mum has my brother so often feel pushed out because of this as they are close like me and my dad was, where do i go from here???

goodbye dad

2010-02-11T20:31:40Z

well tommorow is dads funeral he died on the 25th january, dont know how im feeling right now about the funeral, i have cried so much in the last couple of weeks feel numb now, dreading tommorow as i know its our last goodbye, its been one hell of a year, didnt realise how depressed and sressed i have actualy been until now,now that its all over, i think you just go into auto pilot and not live but function, i have gone from someone outgoing, bubbly and game for anything to someone who dreads leaving the house,no interest in anything anymore and uiet withdrawn, the cancer has taken my dad and i feel my identity also, it is such a cruel illness, its taken him from me but it will never destroy my memories and happy times i had with my dad, love you dad xx

R I P DAD

2010-01-25T23:28:21Z

Dad passed away at 10.40 this evening, my life is so empty now you have gone dad, i had the honour of calling such a wonderfull man my dad and 42 years of being his little girl, love you dad xxx

dad is coming home

2010-01-11T22:26:50Z

dad is coming home tommorow as nothing more can be done, so he is coming home to die with his family close by, hospital phoned yesterday for mum to go over as uick as she could , we have had this 3 times in last 10 days and he is still here, hospital phoned me as dad was asking for me so i rushed over to see him, he is so aggresive and abusive with the staff and also us at times as i think he is so distressed took 4 of us to calm him down and get him back in bed and he wont keep his oxygen on either, my dad hasnt a aggresive bone in his body and it was so distressing for me to watch its like my dad has gone and i dont know this person.Transport are bringing him home tommorow but wont have hospital bed and commode till friday so will have to manage best we can for now but we have no choise as i think his aggresion is because he wants to be at home and feel they are making him stay so hoping when he gets home he calms down a bit he is also very confused it will be hard and heartbreaking to nurse my own dad till the endbut i havebeen a carer for 16 years so have the knowledge just dont know i have the strength to get me though

nearly over

2010-01-06T21:18:09Z

dad is in hospital after being admitted with a serious uti he is now in renal failure specialist spoke to mum today when she visited and asked if dad goes in to heart failure do she want him revived, mum has said no, we were told today he is dying and if we want to we can bring him home, mum is in turmoil she doesnt know what to do dad is very confused and when all this was explained he said oh well might as well stay here, i want dad with us but dont know if we can cope watching him slowly die in fronyt of our eyes, we have been told he could go at any time, emotionly im a wreck i cant even go see him i want to but feel im cracking up, i need to say goodbye but i cant, i havnt got the strength to do it i dont want my dad to leave me, i dont want to be here without him he is my everything, i realy think i am losing the plot

my dad

2009-09-19T23:09:34Z

dad was d/x in january with bladder cancer with spread to lungs and prstrate and 1 lymh node, he has had 6 cycles of carboplatin and gemzar but unfortunatley his scan this week has shown chemo no longer working and tumours have grown bigger, specialist did offer radiotherapy to the bladder which my dad said he would go for, dad has a stent with bag in each kidney as kidneys had failed and that evening the specilist called to say he had spoken to the surgeon about having the stents put inside so dad wouldnt have the bags anymore and this would lessen chance of infection and the surgeon said he would do it but would also like to take dads baldder out, now i dont understand this as dad was told because he was stage 4 they would not do surgery as there was no point so why put my dad through such mayjor surgery?? specialist said it was to preseerve dads kidneys and they could then leave radiotherapy for when his lungs got bad and he also said it probaly wouldnt extend how long dad will live foe, i am so confused now and worried that dad thinks he is going to get better thats why they are operating