We were told on Thursday evening that my Dads cancer had spread. He had a large tumor removed a couple of months ago and it has returned with a vengence. He has adenocarcinoma of the salivary gland. Its quite rare so im told so would be good to hear of anyone with experience of it. I feel so ANGRY, (as im sure everyone does) because i feel that the doctors really dragged their feet with diagnosing and his operation to remove the original tumor. I feel so useless as usually I can fix things but this time, I don't stand a chance. My pops is 78 but so fit its unbelievable, apart, of course from this vicious disease. I feel quite strong today but I have days when I just break down and cant control my tears, which is no good for Dad. Hes been in hospital since Monday and will be there till next Friday when his 5 sessions of radiotherapy ends. I cant seem to win as I have been visiting everyday staying for several hours because I just hate the thought of him being on his own there, but in doing this im neglecting my family of a husband (who's been great ) and my 3 boys. For this I feel really guilty. On top of that my Mums mental health is poor so I have to keep an eye on her too. Im not resentful, im really not but im scared of what the future will hold. The thought of my Dad not being here is unbearable.
FormerMember
sorry to hear about your dad sarah, as I am new to this and struggling to cope with it I am not really in a position to give you any advice but I understand the family thing. Its difficult trying to put everything in its right place and prioratise, I'm sure your family understand. Love Netty xx
Thanks for your reply. It is a difficult time is'nt it. How is your Dad? I had a sneeky peep on your profile.
My Dad started his second round of radiotherapy today and the good news is that the tumor hasnt got any bigger since the last time. The effects of the r/t first round is taking hold though and Dad is finding it difficult to eat any solid food so is living off of soups and soft foods and his weight has dropped dramatically. Its heartbreaking to see a once strong fit bloke looking so frail.
I suppose we have to be grateful that they're still around as when he was admitted to hospital I did'nt think 3 weeks later he would be here, so for that im thankful.
I never realised what a rollercoaster this journey would be. After Dads first round of radiotherapy and stay in hospital he seemed to be really well......untill the effects of thr r/t started. Could'nt eat properly due to sores in his mouth and throat. He began to eat and look better and actually enjoyed a good roast for fathers day.
Now he's started suffering again following the second lot of r/t. I know it will pass but I feel totally useless seeing him in so much pain and not being able to help.
Also I phoned his oncologist to have a chat a few days ago and no one had given 'time spans' before but she told me that before he went into hospital she'd have given him weeks, but now she's saying months. Well, what the heck is that supposed to mean, months could be 2 or 3 months or 18 months. I could'nt bare to ask her.
Dad gave me a lovely card the other day saying that the love and care of me and my family had pulled him through and 'saved a life'. But I can't can I, he has always been there for me and now I can't do anything to stop this shitty bloody disease from getting him Sorry to moan like this but it's so hard staying stong for others around you.
Sorry you have had a wee set back with your dad again, but try and think of it as just that, a wee 'blip'. That's what the nurse told me on Tuesday when they SENT MY DAD HOME, his bloods were low and couldn't get his second lot of chemo, he was gutted! So was I, my family and I are due to go on holiday to Mallorca on Wednesday, only for one week to a friends wedding, so I was happy thinking dad would be home before I go but hell no, he has to go back this Tuesday and if all is okay he will be in for a week, as his chemo is 24/7 they keep him in. As I am the main driver I was freaking out, but I know we have friends and family who will help out when I am away......IF I get away, my father in law (92) was just taken into hospital 20 minutes ago, he is very poorly, I feel like exploding.....if he is as bad as he was when we saw him there is no way we would leave him, the doctor said it might be an infection that was making him so disorientated etc, so between our two dads we are having a right old time! Role reversal!
You are so right, it is a rollercoaster journey and time scales seem to mean nothing so I guess the only way to deal with it is quite literally taking each day at a time.
I'm pleased your dad is eating better, that will help build his strength up,
Well, Dad was brilliant when he came out of hospital and remained quite well untill the effects of his 2nd lot of radiotherapy took hold. Hes now getting over that but he seems more frail than before. We were told that he had 2 nodules on his lung and for a few days now has been complaining of an ache/pain in his chest. Alarm bells are ringing. The head and neck nurse advised him to get some gaviscon as Dad thought it may be indigestion. I, on the other hand, always seem to look on the black side of things. Am I worrying unnecessarily. He has an appt with the consultant on monday which im dreading.
He also has'nt been sleeping well either. Its surprising how much better his day is and how better he is with a good nights sleep. Any good ideas anyone.
