You find that real enjoyment is largely a thing of the past as no matter what you do ultimately you know which way every path is leading. All you old memories and experiences are tainted - especially the happy ones. What is more there is an expectation that you will still try to be happy jovial and joyful - careful not to bring others around you down. I guess it is human nature - someone recently told my wife that nobody likes a sad puss. The old proverb laugh and the world laughs with you and cry and you cry alone.
Even here I feel the need to apologise for what I know is a very negative blog. I don't expect it to get many readers as it is not what people want. Well there you go. In all my daily life I have to present a happy face. There has to be some outlet somewhere that you can say what you really feel. At least here I can get it off my chest without harming others.
I also know people mean well when they try to cheer you up and to affirm your right to post like this but they don't really mean it. If you are not in this deep dark black hole then you cannot possibly know what it is like.
To think I used to believe in a God - makes me laugh now.
