purdeybru's blog

Chemo day 1.

2009-10-15T05:23:28Z

Yesterday was my first day of chemo. Very anxious about it as didn't know what to expect. It was all explained very well to me at pre chemo assessment, but sometimes hard to put it into perspective until you have actually been there.

Arrived around 3pm and was met by my lovely chemo nurse. Settled into a nice reclining chair and veins checked. I have the most brilliant veins at the moment so hope they last.

Fluid set up, then given iv anti sickness and steroids. Ok, so far so good. Given 6 syringes of drugs, still not too bad. Then when given the last 2 syringes had the most weird and disconcerting headache. Right round the back of my head, ears and nose throbbing and tingling. Very bizarre. Told that this particular drug, can't remember which one, was the least toxic of the three. Go figure!!

After another bag of saline, popped to the loo to have a nice vibrant pink wee, then went home. All in all took about 2 hours. Not bad.

Now to wait for the side effects to kick in, have slight nausea and still have that strange headache, but all in all don't feel too bad at the moment. I hope it lasts.

Tried to go to sleep about 10pm, no such luck. Tossing and turning all night. I am not a very good sleeper at the best of times, but last few weeks have been particularly bad, and last 3 nights hardly slept at all. I am exhausted!! Decided to give in at 5 am and had a cuppa and some toast.

Have prosthesis fitting tomorrow, so hope I am well enough to go. If not can always rearrange, I'm not going to be going far. Wig lady also been contacted so hopefully won't be too long until fitting for that. Whether I will wear it or not who knows, but advised to have it just in case.

So here's to looking like Uncle Fester and the next 20 days before the next shot. Keep happy if you can everyone.

Take care. Love and hugs. Debbie. xx

Pleased but apprehensive.

2009-10-12T19:46:41Z

Have been for my pre chemo assesssment today. Asked me if I wanted to start this Wednesday? Hell Yeah!!!!!

Had an ECG, (with unshaved legs, whoops!!) and bloods taken. I have the most fantastic veins so hopefully getting the poison into me won't be a problem.

Lots of information to take in at once, took my sister with me as I would rather have her come and digest the information with me than my hubby, (straight in one ear and out the other.) Warned about lots of side affects, which am told will probably not happen, but am being stocked up with half of the pharmacy just in case!!

I suffered terribly with morning sickness so have been told (not by chemo nurses) that I will probably more prone to chemo sickness. Something to look forward to then, NOT!!!

My hubby wants to come with me for the first chemo, even though he hates hospitals, as he feels it is the only thing he can practically do to help me.

Think I will blitz the house tomorrow in case I take to my sick bed with all these awful side affects?? I am pleased that things are moving so quickly but am understandably very apprehensive as I don't know what to expect.

Think I will expect the worst, then if it is better than I anticipated surely that is a bonus.

Take care, hope everyone is as well as can be expected. Take care. Love and hugs, Debbie. xx

Moving forward

2009-09-30T17:13:35Z

Hi everyone, I am now 4 weeks post surgery and starting to feel a lot better. I'm still not feeling well enough for my liking, but that's just me. Still have seroma which has been drained twice but doesn't want to go away. (It must love me!)

I am missing work and my lovely colleagues who have been sending cards, flowers, messages and their love and support.

Today has been a good day for the most part.

Around 11am my lovely friend came and took me for lunch, which was wonderful. She also gave me a very useful present from her and 2 other friends, 3 beautiful post mastectomy bra's from M and S. I was thrilled and thought what a brilliant idea for a present as it would probably take me 10 years to actually get round to ordering myself some as would feel decadent somehow!!

After lunch we came home and I rang the breast care nurse to see if she could chase up my oncology appointment as hadn't heard anything for 2 weeks. Believe me, 2 weeks is a long time for me to wait as I would usually have been on the phone after 2 or 3 days chasing things up. Patience is not one of my virtues!!!

2 hours later I got a return call only to tell me that the oncology department hadn't recieved my referral letter from the surgeon. Great!!! Why did I decide to change the habit of a lifetime and try and be patient I ask myself!!??

The breast care nurse said that she has faxed the referral letter over to the oncologist and I should get a phone call tomorrow to arrange an appointment. Unfortunately I am at a funeral tomorrow so will probably be out when they call. If they haven't phoned by 11 I think I will phone them. So with seroma's and lost referral letters that has probably caused another delay for my chemo start date.

I think after all the waiting and stressing out this stupid illness brings I should be one chilled out momma when it is all over. I hope so because at the moment I am streeeeeeesssseeeedddddd!!.

Nothing I can do about it now though so moving on, I am off out tonight in one of my snazzy new bra's, to a fundraiser for one of the local support groups.

Take care everyone, love and hugs. Debbie. xx

Vascular invasion.

2009-09-19T12:54:07Z

Hi everyone, good to be back. I was starting to get withdrawal symptoms as have not been on for a few days.

I had my results last thursday and they were good and bad! The cancer is stage three (which I half knew anyway) but the sentinel nodes were clear, so hopefully chemo can start soon. I was tod there was Infiltrating ductal carcinoma with associated HNG grade DCIS (not sure what that means, despite going on to internet) and lymphatic permeation, vascular invasion. (Is that the same thing?)

My surgeon was great and explained everything to me as best he could, but quite frankly most of it went straight over my head and he could have just been saying blah, blah, blah the amount I took in.

I realise vascular invasion means that it was, or is, in my bloodstream, but not sure how this will impact on my long term prognosis. I am eagerly awaiting my chemo start date now as I know that is meant to zap any stray cells etc.

Still in quite a bit of pain from the mastectomy and have seroma that needs to be drained. I also know chemo won't start until all healed and no more seroma's. I thought I would be feeling a lot more mobile by now and it's driving me crazy. Still pottering around doing stuff I am probably not supposed to as my daughter thinks if i can walk then I can do housework!!

Hope everyone on here is doing as well as they can and hope to hear from my buddies soon. Take care, love and hugs. Debbie. xx

Feeling a little bloated!!

2009-09-10T11:06:32Z

Not feeling too bad today apart from soreness in what appears to be a new adolescent breast growing at my op site. Kept putting off ringing nurses as don't want to waste their time, but think now i have a lovely pocket of fluid build up in my wound site this is the time to do it. Have to go in this afternoon and have it drained, trust me, nothing can ever be straightforward, I am such an attention seker. lol. I am bored to tears as cannot drive at the moment and my sisters have now flown home. Still have my sister round the corner, who is brilliant I might add, but will miss the party atmosphere of us all being together. My youngest sister is 40 in January and we were all going over to see her in spain for a party. I am obviously unsure whether I can make that now and that's a bit of a bummer!! Will have just started chemo and obviously have no idea how I will feel. Would it be too much of an infection risk to go on a plane??? My older sister bought me some apricot kernels as they apparently have cancer beating properties, anyone else heard of this? But I am willing to give anything a try. Need to go and get some lunch before my visit to the clinic. Hope you are all as well as you can be. Love and hugs. Debbie. xxx

Today has been a very good day.

2009-09-06T00:19:54Z

Hi all. Operation went as well as could be expected but looks like I have some lymph node involvement too. Hopefully won't be too long until I can go and have them out too and get on with things. Came home yesterday complete with drains and a lovely flowery bag to keep them in. Everyone calls them my smoothie bottles. Have allready been back to the hospital today as I pulled one of them off my suction bottle and had to go and have it replaced. I keep getting up and forgetting that I am attached to them. Whoops!!! My wonderful friend came over this morning with lots of goodies for me and ready to tackle the housework. Her and my eldest daughter took the dogs for a walk and then made some lunch. I had a really lovely morning. Then I had a lovely suprise this afternoon as my sister arrived from Jersey, I didn't know she was coming as she said she would see me at the end of September. My other sister is here from Spain and my other lovely sister lives in the same village. My neice and nephew also came over and we had a lovely afternoon and evening chatting and going on singstar. I am truly blessed to have 3 wonderful sisters and some lovely friends who have helped me so much to try and deal with this journey, I know I am just starting out, but with their love and support and that of my family I am sure that i am going to find it so much easier. All in all today has been a wonderful day. Hope everyone has had as good a day as they can. Love and hugs, Debbie. xxx

2 more sleeps to go.

2009-08-31T21:29:40Z

Have just returned this afternoon from a lovely weekend away in Skegness. Have a static caravan there and love to go down for weekends when we can. As I said had a lovely weekend, took my grandson with us and he and my hubby came back yesterday. About an hour away from home and had a phone call from my youngest daughter, asking how long I would be, had stopped off at the services on my way back. Told her I wouldn't be long and asked why. My husband had asked her to phone as he has injured his back and can't move so needed some help and she was off to work. When I got home hubby was laying on the floor with his phone and the tv remotes next to him!! I asked him if I could get him anything and then went out. I am not really evil he told me to go. Timing not very good as I go into hospital on Wednesday and by the looks of him I don't think he will be driving me there!!! I went to my younger sister's house as my youngest sister was there from Spain. We spent a lovely afternoon together and had a chinese. Lot's of laughter and chat. I am going to have my hair cut again tomorrow as has grown a bit and needs tidying up before I go for op. Am very anxious now as only 2 sleeps (Or try to sleeps!!) to go until my op. Having a stinking headache every day and a pain in my chest, by my heart. Maybe I am going to save them all the trouble of surgery and have a heart attack instead!! My sensible side tells me this is probably down to anxiety, but my overactive imagination side tells me I probably have something dreadful going on besides the bc. Jeeez, I think I need therapy!!! Have my (decidedly unglamorous) nightwear and bra's ready to take to hospital and need to pack my case. Being dosed up with more radioactivity tomorrow afternoon and then will probably have an early night tomorrow. Well that's the plan, won't hold my breath. If I don't get time to write tomorrow, will see you all following surgery all being well. Take care, love and hugs. Debbie. xx

MRI results back.

2009-08-27T18:21:12Z

MRI results back today at last. Tumour is bigger than at first thought, is 3.5cm with ill defined edges and appears to have grown (knew it!) since the last time I saw him 2 weeks ago. To me that doesn't sound good! Said my options were, chemo first to try and shrink it then have excision, or mastectomy (which he recommended, as high grade and invasive) Also said they could reconstruct there and then, or later. Advised against instant reconstruction as if have radiotherapy could cause problems to the reconstructed breast. At the moment reconstruction is the least of my worries, although I realise I may feel differently later on. I have also been told that it is oestrogen negative and progesterone negative. Nothing back about HER status yet. (How long does that take?) He also said "IF" I was offered chemo, that it would probably commence 4 to 6 weeks after surgery all being well. Why is it now if, when before it was when???? Feeling a little sorry for myself at the moment as am thinking that he thinks it's not worth wasting money on chemo for me as I am a hopeless case!! God, I hate what an overactive imagination does to you. If HER negative too think chemo is the only option isn't it??? So many questions. So still booked for surgery on the 2nd, but now I know it will definately be a mastectomy. Haven't the first idea about underwear etc after surgery. Have ordered a magazine off the internet that someone recommended but still not here yet. Am starting to panic a bit now as surgery day is drawing nearer. Is a very strange mix of emotions, can't wait for surgery to get rid of it, but at the same time am scared to death!!! I am sure lots of you can relate to those feelings. Well that's my neurotic ranting over for today, hope everyone is as well as they can be. Take care. Love and hugs. Debbie. xx

Housework or cuddles? I know which I prefer.

2009-08-25T20:43:34Z

Had another day of wanting to spring clean today. This plan was shattered when my eldest daughter and the grandchildren arrived bearing gifts. (Had brought lunch) I won't pretend that I didn't prefer playing with and cuddling them to doing housework, but feel I need to get my act together soon to have everything sorted before I go away for the weekend prior to surgery. Had a bit of a siesta this afternoon, as not sleeping at night so in the day I am exhausted. Now I have finished work for the foreseeable future I am allowing myself time to have a rest if I need it and not just soldier on regardless. Not sure if I feel more tired since diagnosis or whether I was just as tired before, but as is my way, just tried to battle through it? Either way, I recognise now that I should just go with it. Still having dizzy spells, have had them for a good few months and collapsed at work about 3 or 4 months ago. Doctor said it was probably a virus at the time, (Don't they always?!?) but now wonder whether it was my immune system trying to fight the invader? Am going to lunch with my very old friend tomorrow who I haven't seen since diagnosis, have spoken on the phone, so think there may be a few tears as we have a chat and a hug. Looking forward to it as haven't really let my feelings go too much since I found out and a good cry may do me good. Hoping everyone is as well as can be and thinking of everyone who has just had or about to have surgery or treatments. Love and hugs, Debbie. xx

Feeling a bit sad.

2009-08-23T14:37:03Z

Feeling a bit sad today as just finished my last shift before my op. 1 weeks leave and then on the sick from beginning of op week. My colleagues have been absolutely wonderful, though suprised to see me at work. I am not sure when I will go back as due to infection risk/stress/workload/needing to be on top of my game, I am not sure if will be up to working during my chemo. Have been told to play it by ear, as no one knows how it will affect me. I will certainly miss it and hope they don't all forget me!!! Still wonder how old children have to be before everything stops being just about them! My eldest here whwn I got in from work, had made my lunch (bless her) and tidied up (after a fashion) but 20 mins after me being in asked my opinion about something, then went off in a strop when she didn't like the answer I gave her!! Oh to be young. Lol. I have been comfort eating a lot lately and the hubby keeps buying me chocolate to "cheer me up". Don't have the heart to say thanks, but no thanks, so end up scoffing the lot. Think I will be rolling to hospital at this rate. Planning a blitz on the house tomorrow as I am hoping to go away the weekend before my op and don't want to come back to it all. Hope I don't sound too ungrateful, moany and miserable. Think I just need to accept that this is going to be a new chapter in my life and roll with it. Take care, love and hugs. Debbie. xx

My husband looks a state!!

2009-08-20T18:04:03Z

Bit of a lazy day today. Yesterday I had my spring cleaning head on, today lazy one. As predicted it rained just before I arrived at my friends house. Had a lovely lunch though and the grandchildren were really well behaved. Going out tonight with the skittles team I play for. First time I will have seen them all since diagnosis, though they all probably know as I live in a village where gossip is rife! Got back to my husband that he actually has cancer and not me and that he looked "A hell of a state" I told him he needed some early nights!! Lol. Amazing how we apparrently look as if we are on deaths door once people know, even if we looked perfectly well the day before when they didn't. Strange one that! Working at the weekend, will no doubt be busy (as always) and then have a barbie to go to. Still working myself up into a frenzy over postponed appointment and MRI results, but there's nothing I can do about it so need to chill. Hope everyone is as well as can be expected, love and hugs. Debbie. xx

Postponement, good or bad???

2009-08-19T17:43:24Z

Hi all, that was a speedy repair wasn't it? Bless his cotton socks. Was all geared up for my appointment tomorrow and have just recieved a phone call saying my consultant can't see me now until next Thursday!! Breast care nurse said "is that ok" couldn't really say "OF COURSE NOT I WANT TO SEE HIM NOW!!!!!!" So politely replied, it will have to be won't it, oooer, not her fault I know, but left it a bit late to tell me. Said he feels he would have more time for me next week. MRI results still not back. Does that mean it's fine as they would let me know if there was something dreadful going on, or does it mean he needs to speak to me at length about what they have found???!!! I hate this damn waiting game, as I'm sure do we all. Out for lunch again tomorrow with the grandchildren, having a picnic lunch. I expect it will rain now I have said that! Went to my GP and got some sleeping tablets as am sleeping on average 3 or 4 hours a night, it's starting to catch up with me now. Stay positive and happy everyone, love and hugs, Debbie. xx

Busy bee

2009-08-18T17:10:03Z

Up early today as sleep wasn't happening again. Hubby brought me a cuppa before he went to work and then I got up. Have been busy today cleaning up the house as here on my own. Lauren at her sisters overnight and all today. I am wondering how long it'll take to be messy again once they are back, but who cares! Going out for lunch tomorrow with old friends, haven't seen them for about 2 years, but when they heard they got in touch. Shame it takes news like this for friends to get in touch with each other again, but such is life. My computer is playing up so may not be on here for a while, not too long I hope! My brother in law is going to try and sort it for me bless him. So for now bye and hope to be back soon. Love and hugs, Debbie. xx

Scan results.

2009-08-17T13:55:29Z

Just a quickie to say that I got the results of bone scan and CT today and they are both clear. Yay!!! Still waiting for MRI results and have appt on Thursday with my consultant to see where we go from here. (Boob off or not!) Hopefully things are looking up. Love and hugs. Debbie. xx

Things are looking up

2009-08-16T19:54:48Z

Had a good day today. Up at 7, went to work and when I got back hubby and kids had sorted out a barbie for me. Made the most of it and pottered around doing as little as possible. Also went out last night to another barbie, some friends who have been where Nick and I are now. Was quite nice to chat to someone who has "been there, done that" I realise that everyone is different in their approach to this and each person reacts differently to treatment. Managed to avoid looking up on the computer to see if any scan results are back!! Have pre op tomorrow so hopefully will find out something. Fingers crossed it's not more bad news, but if it is I'll deal with it as best I can. Love and hugs to all. Debbie. xx