my first ever blog so be gentle with me.

2010-10-03T12:24:27Z

here is a photo of pa with his granddaughter, taken in 1985.

this is my very first blog post. i've never done it before - but i've wanted to. first of all, let me apologise for not using capitals. it is sure to bother you some, but after a while you will get used to it. it is so easy to type without capitals - you should try it!!

my pa has mesothelioma. it has been almost three years since his diagnosis, which is amazing that we've had him for so long really. things are going downhill now and i would like to keep a record - hence the blog.

i live miles away, in the north-west of western australia. it takes me 2 hours to fly to him, then a 1/2 hours drive from the airport to get to his house. he is there with my mum, who is doing an amazing job as his carer. he gives me a kiss and says 'hello bonnie lass' when he sees me. i ask him how he is going and he says 'well, how are you going?' i say, 'how did you sleep last night' and he says 'well, how did you sleep'. he doesn't like to talk about it. maybe we can just pretend that it isn't there.

not long ago his oesophagus was blocked by the tumour and pa was unable to eat or drink (much) however he had radiation treatment and since then has been able to eat! that has been marvellous - it has never been easy for him but has been much better since. he has been gaining weight and we have all been rejoicing. i haven't been flying down as often, and there has been some relief for all of us. apart from mum really, who soldiers on like a trooper. i need to say that i was very anti the radiation treatment and was afraid that it would make pa more sick, however it didn't and it has wonderful really - i don't think he would be here today if he didn't do it.

now he is experiencing pain. which is extremely disappointing. and coughing fits at night. morphine via a patch and 1ml of morphine when the coughing fits start, which is helping. he is not sleeping well at night, needs to sit upright. pa refuses to stay in bed and on bad days sits in his 'chair' in the lounge room and nods off. but we have to pretend that we don't notice and if anyone speaks he lifts his head and pretends he was never asleep. i think i will never understand men!

his brother is out from the usa/england to be with him at the moment and that is wonderful. he is a support to mum and it is wonderful that he is there.

i am going to visit my brother for a holiday on the other side of australia in 3 weeks time and i am worried about whether i am doing the right thing or not. i made myself book the tickets today, or else i wouldn't. but i am flying in the wrong direction.

pa is a wonderful man. he is a wonderful grandfather and has doted on his grandchildren. he retired not long ago after a hardworking life. he is generous and caring. he has never smoked or been a heavy drinker. he has lived a good life and looked after his body. it is sad that this has happened and i wanted to say then, 'to a good man'. but really, mesothelioma - a good or a bad mad does not deserve this.

aussiedaughter x

procedures, processes, punctures and pa

my first ever blog so be gentle with me.