still catching up

2009-09-24T16:38:51Z

well had cancer check up on the 14th sept , new oncologist has is being very kind and helpfull. But as i said i think i ahve coped well enough with this as i have been contrating on my oa and rh ,both which make me tired and ache and have on the 17th had my second hip replacement and am getting out of that with all the complications the chemo and blood clots caused . I then have another check up with the surgeon in November , Blimety seem to spend my life at hospitals for one thing or the other . But was taking to a nurse while in hos and she feels that maybe taken the cancer too well, but thinks it because i know how to cope with arthritis as had it for so many years , but now after op and after the last couple of years of one thing after the other i am trying to e positive that it being sods law my cancer may come back, but i will cross that bridge if and when i come to it . As then surgery will be only option and surgery for me will be life threatening due to my PE s but feel safer knowing they managed twice now with those probs, . but iam going to enjoy my life now for me and my family and that starts with a cruise in November ( as can not fly ) even planning next year too. .

I got this rare cancer as result of low imune sysyem due meds for my arthritis but with my healtth issues i do not expect to have a new relationship as my confidence is rock bottom (oops sorry for pun ) in that dept. and friends wander off after one illness continual ilness all differant well not many friends so do get lonley .sad and sometimes just want a hug . But i do what a lot of us do for family partiulaly is put on a smile a giggle and joke . ecause if i know that they are not stressing then i can relax .

catching up with me ,

2009-09-11T16:58:00Z

Well things have been very busy over last few months and since my cancer went into remision, but maybe someone can tell me how angry should i be that i was told my cancer was back. Just before xmas last year , a year after my treatment ,i wastold it looked like it back ,the ct looked like it was back but she not sure cos she could not read it but she was certain. refered me to sugeon who was only option now, For 3 weeks i kept this bomb shell to myself , did not want ot ruin another xmas for my kids , so thought wait and see surgeon see what time scale he had for me then go home and talk to my children . But op would not be till after xmas so at least we have that before hos visits started again. Whats that quote about "best laid plans " and all that . Went to see surgeon and he examined me and was adamant that the cancer WAS NOT BACK . went home with the mixed emotions of relief and anger . For the time being the relief won. But did wonder about the CT what was it she thought she saw . But i was not going to get to ask her as not appoinments were given .Also due to my pe the year earlier ,she said i did not need to inject blood thnners any more as "would be ok now as it nearly a year " I quieried about warfrin ,and again told do not need it . So went home feelin ok ish as my tummy was a mass of bruises from the jabs, 3 weeks later back in hos with multi PE, in lungs and one in leg , so hey jan again spent in hospital, . And since that time well my body letting me down in other way, but at the back of my mind is , after alll this and i get some sort of normality is that when i have to be concerned about my cancer coming back . mmmm I wonder , I just want some life back to be and do things , not expecting to have someone share my life again but after all this friends are a bit thin on the ground too . But there are other s so much worse off than me and i remeind my self of that when i feel low, it works,, most of the time lol, there are times a hug would be wonderfull too, wheres my teddy ?????????

pottypam's blog

still catching up

catching up with me ,