poppyanne's blog

good news

2010-08-24T09:39:37Z

I have good news for a change

My youngest sons girlfriend is 3 months pregnant and we are over the moon about it

It seems like years since we have had something great to look forward to

its a little bit of Paul living on isnt it ?

cant wait

fingers crossed all goes well

love Sue

The grieving

2010-07-27T17:13:14Z

I lost my hubby paul last september. I miss him so much. It haunts me more now of the terrible pain he suffered and his fight to stay alive then it did when we was living through it .

Is there anybody out there like me / Paul was 54 when he died. he had lung that spread to his bone cancer. In the end it was every where. he lived just a few days under a year from diagnosis.

It was the most dreadfull and sole destroying time of my life . Plus I nursed my dad who lived 6 months after being diagnosed on the same day as Paul

I never expected to be a widow at 54 ?

I just cant seem to get over the pain and cruelness of it

We had some lovely times together in that year but it all gets over shadowed by all this

Can't believe it still

2009-12-20T16:39:33Z

I can't believe my lovely Paul will never come home. I'm so sad . All i can remember is the awfull time he died. Him struggling for breath his funny colour his half open eyes and the stillness of his chest. The sheer terror i felt the total panic and desperation cos i didn't want him to leave me but knowing he should to stop this awfull cruel spitefull desease.

How can i go on . I feel like a robot just going through the motions. I do have really happy times but i just want him with me while Im doing it Can anyone understand ?

everyone has been great and I've been so lucky to have all that support but i feel so cheated and so bloody angry that my Paul had to have the bloody cancer in the 1st place .He was 55 for God sake

Do you ever come to terms with it ? Its 3 months today he died

Paul

2009-10-20T07:43:31Z

I've only just worked out how to get back on here !!! I lost my darling paul on 20th Sep. He died peacefully in the Hospice with us all at his side . It was very unexpected and sudden but such a great relief for him . He had been in so much pain and everything started to go wrong . His last words to me was that he loved me very much so i will treasure that for ever. he is out of pain now and looking after us from above in peace. i miss him so much but in truth I had lost my Paul months ago bless him

Lost my lovely paul

2009-10-03T17:43:34Z

Its taken me ages to get onto this site !!! My lovely paul lost his fight on 20th Sep. We held his funeral yesterday. I'm so sad and very lost

Going down hill

2009-09-13T06:26:38Z

Its all going down hill for my lovely paul. He is in the Hospice for pain controll and the doc has had a very frank talk with him about getting his affairs in order !!! I know he's going to die but it was such a smack in the face to actually hear a doctor say it could be days weeks or possibly months !!! His lung and bone cancer is swamping his body bless him . He has lost the use of his left hand and its creeping up his arm . What can i do to help him ?. I feel so useless and of course its me he is snappy with then is sorry later !!! I can't stand the thought of living without him . I know I've got to but its just like a nightmare .

Never ending !!!

2009-08-01T17:47:40Z

Why is life so awfull??? My poor Paul is really poorly at the moment. He was diagnosed last September with lung cancer that had spread to his spine. Its gone mad lately even gone into his jaw so has trouble eating as he can't open his mouth very far. That is all he needs as he is very thin now . When I look at him I can't believe that is my husband sitting wasteing away in the chair !! He can't do very much now , he is constantly tired and in a lot of pain. Our hospice nurse is great but there is only a certain amount they can do .We are waiting for him to start a new drug called tarceva and are keeping our fingers crossed that this will give him a better quality of life !!! Has anyone had tarceva ? I lost my darling Dad to this terrible desease in February and can't bear the thought of loosing my darling just yet. How do you cope as they get worse ??? Its so hard watching them struggle every day . I keep very possitive in front of him but inside I die a bit too. I'm seeing a counsellor which does help a bit but of course there will be no happy ending for us . I can't bear to look at a old couple walking along the street cos that will never be us . We are only in our 50's God its like someone has burst my balloon sorry to rave on but I feel full up today !!!

Rollercoaster

2009-05-13T07:59:37Z

I've just joined the carers group. Its amazing how many of us are out there !!! My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer that has spread to his spine last september . it has been a roller coaster of a ride since then. He has had radiotherapy to the top of his spine to put a halt to the damage the cancer has done up there. He had chemo for the large tumour plus all the other spots he has and in march he had another lot of RT to his chest and back . That was particulary difficult as it has caused problems with swallowing . Anyway 2 weeks ago we had good news the tumour in his lung has shrunk from 66 to 44 .So hopefully that will keep it a bay for a while . he has got 2 suspicious spots in both lungs which are too small to tell so he has a scan booked in August . So off we went thinking we had a break till August only for Paul to be back in the Hospital with lower back pain. So not sure if the cancer has spread to there ??? Got a bone scan tomorrow . We do live our lives the best we can we go out most days and have had some lovely quality time together and with our children. Paul is 55 I'm 53 we have a son 28 daughter 26 and our youngest son 17. Its like you can't believe in such a short space of time how your lives change. Its such a big shock isn't it ? We have booked a holiday to Spain in June with the family so looking forward to that ( difficult to get Paul insured ) some want more that the holiday costs !!!! I would like to chat to anyone out there . I think we do pretty well but any tips would be great.What a awfull desease cancer is .Its like having a bully in the playground isn't it ? Crikey I've droned on haven't i ??? Sorry if I've bored anyone . Take care all Love sue xxx

poor Dad

2009-03-02T09:15:02Z

I lost my poor Dad on 22nd february. Its been so awfull watching him slip away from us. Cancer is such a cruel desease.We have his funeral on friday . I have got the family to each write a passage on how he affected their lives and got such wonderfull ones for the reading .That has helped to heal my broken heart. Still he is at peace now watching us all from above .

My lovely Dad

2009-01-11T16:27:22Z

My lovely Dad has been given about 6 weeeks to live .He has bladder cancer which has spread to his adrenal glands, tummy and lungs. He is such a proud and loving old gentleman of 84. We have such a special bond and I am finding it so difficult to accept he will be gone soon. I don't want him to suffer either so its like a double sided coin. I don't want him to die but I don't want him to live in pain either To add to my heartache my husband has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer which has spread to his spine so all is very difficult at the moment. Paul's treatment is going well though so we are keeping our fingers crossed that the big C will be held at bay for a while . I could do with some feed back to keep my chin up and try to live the best way we can . Its all new to us this awfull desease !!!!

poppyanne 22

2008-10-11T07:09:19Z

My Husband has just been diagnosed with lung cancer which has spread to his spine. Its been a nightmare. he's just had a biopsy so waiting for those results plus waiting for radio therapy to start on his spine a week Monday. Its totaly consumed our lives at the moment. Plus to add to the misery my poor old Dad has been diagnosed with terminal bladder cancer !!