One Day At A Time

Advent Update

2009-12-13T20:11:32Z

Well, it's been a bit of a mixed bag, as these journeys often are.

Round four was a few weeks ago, and round five was due on Friday. However round four had been a very rough ride, and my darling has been very sick and not eating much. The consultant could tell that he had had a rough ride and was concerned about his weight loss and so has given us a fortnight off chemo to recover and gather strength.

We have the dreaded review scan on 15th December, and final chemo of the year is scheduled for 18th December.

Pain from the primary tumour seems to have decreased significantly, and the need for pain killers has reduced. However in it's place there is nausea and bloating - chemo side effect we hope.

We got married on 14th November which was an amazing day, so there have been many highs and lows. A party for all of our mates is hoped to take place early ext year. Once we know what the next plan will be I will need to make some decisions about what to do about work. A full time job isn't proving to be compatible with caring and all the appointments we need to go to.

Chemo Round One

2009-10-12T19:01:00Z

I can't believe it's only a month since the fateful ultrasound scan - our lives have changed so much.

We have just completed chemo round one of a twelve week cycle.

Pain seems to be more under control at the moment and side effects from the chemo seem to be tiredness and nausea. We are hoping to be able to get out and about in the next few days.

On the positive side, we have an appointment to give notice to marry on Thursday, and we are doing a lot of frank and honest talking. I am so glad that we can do this together.

It feels as though a fight has started, and we are going to give it our best shot as a team.

Readjusting

2009-10-03T14:40:51Z

As I write this, my darling is asleep on the sofa. Have spent a lot of time watching him sleep this last week - he caught me doing it the other day and told me it freaked him out!

Not sure how I'm feeling at the moment - tired for sure. Have bought an airbed so we can sleep in the same room still, but at the moment he needs space and room to get comfortable in the double bed.

'We' got discharged from hospital on Tuesday, following an appointment with the head honcho at the oncology unit. It didn't really tell us anything new, but put a slightly more positive spin on things - talked about reducing pain, lots of different options to try and suggested a way of living with this thing.

One thing that has been overwhelming is the response from our friends and family. All wanting to do something and get updates. He wants to spend some time readjusting before reconnecting, which I think is a good idea. Most people have been amazing. It's clear that some just don't know what to say - one friend seemed surprised that I've been having trouble sleeping, and did a sad face in an email. That was a bit annoying.

I'm off work next week, and we have our first appointment at oncology on Wednesday so that's something to focuson. It's so difficult seeing someone you love so much being in pain and not being able to do anything. After next week I'm not sure what to do. I can't see how I can continue with work as before. I have a new role as carer now. At the same time, I don't think giving up work is a good move for me or for us.

The MacMillan website has been amazing for me. For the information, the support from people who have responded to me and just for a place to go to try and make sense of this situation. Not that there is any sense in it mind, but you know what I mean.

The Story So Far...

2009-10-01T14:28:57Z

Can't believe it's been just over a week since we were told my partner of 13 years had cancer.

It all started a couple of months ago when he started to get stomach pains. We started to do research and cut out wheat - at the time he was really fed up about not being able to eat pizza. To be able to go back there would be amazing.

He went to the doctor and they suggested laxatives which didn't help at all - next satge was a blood test. This came back normal, apart from the 'start of liver damage' - we put this down to the occassional binge drinking sessions which, as a couple in our early 30s we are sometimes guilty of. We decided to give up alcohol for a while.

A wait of over a month for an ultrasound scan followed - pain didn't seem to get worse. I asked him if he wanted me to go with him to the ultasound but he said it wouldn't be worth it - thought it would be boring and expected allergy tests to be the next stage. However, at the ultrasound, the nurse picked up on something and called the doctor. He suggested a CT straight away.

I came home when he called to tell me what had happened - the hospital said that the results would be with the doctor that afternoon. Called the surgery several times - eventually the GP called to report that the ultraound had shown 'lumps on the liver' and that he'd call back if the CT came back. We sat there in shock and fear then insisted on an appointment with the GP.

He examined my partner and explained that an urgent appointment would be made with the hospital to see a specialist. In shock, we called our parents and spent a weekend crying and trying to focus on what else it could be.

Monday morning, the GP called - the CT result had come back, showing a lesion on the colon. I think I knew at that point what that met. A week of waiting for the hospital appointment followed.

When we arrived at the hospital, we saw a cancer nurse, who told us that the CT had also shown spots on the lungs. The consultant told me that we were 'clutching at straws' to think it was anything else. He got admitted and they redid the CT.

The following day he had the biopsy and a stent inserted. The next day we were told that the cancer was incurable.