normally's blog

ramblings.......

2010-09-11T23:08:28Z

had a real long (overdue i think) chat with helen last night - stayed up to 3am

my poor darling d-in-law ....... she was just saying how awful she has been feeling

how sometimes she wants to run away .....how sometimes shes ok then the next minute she wants to hide under her duvet ......etc etc

i do understand - i do know because ive had the same feelings - sometimes still do

shes sorting out doctors appoinments - dentists etc for paul n the kids - i said she really must go see gp herself and ask for help - she sees it as a weakness - said her mum is/was always strong and coped with everything - i pointed out that when her mum was 30 something she never had to go through what she has gone through this last year +

ive also for the umteenth time asked her to come on here - talk to some other wives- partners in a similar position - said to her she is "normal" to feel the way she does

hopefully she will listen and come along for the help she needs

she told me paul is going to fone macmillan and "talk" to someone himself

about blooming time ........................ oh well i didnt ramble on too much did i?

bet you all wonder what the eck im going on about ................. but as we say better out than in eh? ........just read this back and i think i sound completely NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIVESTRONG ....... sometimes its a struggle!!!

looking forward to wednesday - my paul is coming home :) i just want to hug him xoxo

meeting my maccy mates :)

2010-09-03T23:39:34Z

just wanted to share with you all .........last summer in chat i met purdybru and debbies daughter - we just hit it off and became great cyber maccy and fb friends

yesterday i met them for the first time - we just gabbed n gabbed the whole time we were together - 24 hours - oh ok then we did have a few hours sleep hahahaha

they are both as gorgeous and lovely in "real" life as in cyberworld - i truly enjoyed their visit

debbies daughter - normally and purdybru

xNx

Y I P E E E E E E E E !!!!!

2010-07-07T15:13:37Z

oooooo i cant wait to tell you all - im so so so H A P P Y E E E E

just had a phonecall from my son - all his scan/echo/xrays/bloods are good!!!!

no change still to the "whats that" left behind in op site (last august)

and come back for a check-up in 4 months ...................... now i can go and throw the bottle of kalms away .............wont be needing them anymore

big smiles from me to you all

although im still keeping my fingers crossed for you all waiting for results etc

much love xNx

please support scalby school scarbourough -

2010-07-03T22:23:34Z

please check out forum on scalby school scarbourough (greames thread)

and help to get song into the charts and at same time help to raise money for childrens brain cancer charities

link to greames forum (hope it works!)

http://community.macmillan.org.uk/forums/t/29280.aspx

link to amazon

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Somewhere-Over-Rainbow-Wonderful-World/dp/B003NTMZDA

just wanted you all to see this - i know some people only look at blogs - miss forums

to greame hope it helps to spread the word ...........i truly believe EVERYONE in MACLAND WILL BUY A COPY ON MONDAY

much love to you all

xNx

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to DEBS

2010-07-02T23:11:27Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY ........................ .................

........................ to DEBs xoxoxox

lots of love hugs n kisses and CAKE from me to you

xNx

ps anyone else want to join in the birthday celebrations for debs - please do!!!!!!

england won YIPEE !!!!!!!

2010-06-23T22:27:39Z

CONGRATULATIONS to the england team

yipee !!!!!!!!!!!!!! we are through to the next round

today weve had and chip butties and and

a GOAL and and

CAKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sending you all a cyberslice to CELEBRATE

roll on sunday !!!!!

ENG -ER-LAND ......ENG-ER-LAND .....ENG-ER-LAND

scans time again

2010-06-06T21:41:59Z

its that time again ....... paul is going for an x-ray and echo tomorrow ...followed by scan later this month and results due beg july ..............they are doing a thorough check this time

looks like they are looking everywhere ....... ive just spoke to him on the fone .... he sounds a bit worried ...well yes obvious really ... ive told him to look forward to his little boys 5th birthday on thursday ....i pray weve done the right thing coming back home and leaving them ..... hope i havent tempted fate

will this worrying ever ever go away? some times i truly think i will go nuts! (ok - i admit i already am!)

fingers crossed-pray-fingers crossed- pray .....what else can we do?

to everyone else out there waiting for results ...i will pray and keep fingers crossed for you too!

back home - new home

2010-05-19T22:44:45Z

we left spain on 25th april - it was awful leaving paul and family - but we all stayed positive and strong and brave - i kept focussed and kept telling myself we have to go home ....well we did ...we have to start earning a living again

had a good journey back ...... well good in the way that the car made it home .....it coughed n spluttered a bit along the route (dodgy cheapo petrol at last stop in spain perhaps????)

as we drove back into gods country early monday night the sun was low in the sky .......everywhere was so so beautiful ...i thought i was wearing rose tinted glasses ......truly - everything was covered in a pink haze

i felt as if my home town was welcoming me back

tuesday morning - up early and out to view a couple of pubs .....no we are not alkies ......

monday 17th may ...... we moved into our pub ,,,,,talk about a whirlwind of few weeks .....i have odd mins in this madness were i think /worry/fret/panic over paul

but being busy is so so good ......

whatever the future holds - good or bad - i will deal with it - (cos we have to dont we?)i will continue to worry/fret/panic .....over paul and my other children and grandchildren but hey - that just goes with the territory of being a mum and grandma

paul saw his oncologist last week - he is giving him a full MOT 3different scans/echo due june time and results early july ....... they are sure keeping a good watch on him

am i rambling on a bit???? probably .....oh well id best go - got a bar to paint out tomorrow

- oh and customers to serve etc etc ...........

hey ........above all ......its GOOD TO BE BACK !!!!

im going home

2010-04-13T13:48:20Z

well guys the time is coming for me(us) to return home

home being back to the uk ......... im scared -anxious - worried about leaving paul and his family - hoping they will be ok

we've got to try and get back to a normal life - home and a job - need to start earning some money again - need to do something for ourselves again

well today weve cancelled our dongle - so the internet going to go off any time today - i wont be able to pop by and see you all for a few weeks so i just want you all to know i am still here travelling through cyberspace sending positive vibes to you all

i have had so much support from you all during the past year+ and i can never thank you enough for that

sending each and everyone of you here in macland my love and best wishes xoxoxox

missing you already !

xNx

ps - I'll be back !!!!!!

NEED A SMILE?

2010-03-19T14:19:22Z

.......then check out this site

http://kermit-on-tour.com/

its lovely - one of the best sites ive seen - hope it brings a to your face - it did mine - i am certainly going to keep up to date with kermits travels

love to you all xNx

good news for our family

2010-03-17T17:33:14Z

its good news! pauls next scan in 4 months !!!

i just wanted to share our good news with you all - especially other TC lads

it has been a couple of very sad weeks here in macland ..... my thoughts and prayers are with all of you in these very difficult of times

much love xNx

scan results - deja vue

2010-03-10T14:28:49Z

Paul went for his scan results- doc said - there is still something there although no change in size etc from last 3 scans

ie last 6months (aug -op followed by scan1 * dec -scan2 * feb scan 3)
doc said it is a dead tumour bout 1cms (was told last time it was maybe scar tissue!????or is it the interpretor???lost in translation)

bloods all ok tho - so thats good

but they have to discuss him in meeting see what to do
ie op or not ...............????? the hosp will fone interpretor next week to say what will be done
same thing happened last time - remember ?had to wait for meeting

deja vue or what????? why cant they have their meeting before seeing the patient ....... 2hour car drive to hosp too!

paul seems ok about it all - helen is pissed off - she just wants it to be all over ......like its never ending
we think they wil leave him for say another 3 months ...but course thats our guess!!!!!

just got to be patient and wait till next wednesday ...see what "they" say ..............

................as i said earlier to helen - at least we are all in a much brighter place than we were last march

if someone had offered me this scenario then i would have grabbed it without any hesitation!

hope everyone waiting for results has good news!

.......and if you are riding on this rollercoaster ......fasten your belts and hang on tight !

18th feb - cant forget the date can i?

2010-02-18T12:30:57Z

18^th feb ............ cant forget the date can i?

18^th feb 2009 my darling son was rushed into hospital with severe abdominal and back pains ......he lives in spain

Back in the u.k. we were all enjoying our younger sons birthday tea a nice family get together enjoying a few beers too

The following morning about 9.15 the phone rings – hi mum im in hospital ...... i thought it was the birthday boy ..... had he got food poisoning from his girlfriends cooking ....it wasn’t - it was far more serious....

paul hadn’t phoned the night before because he didn’t want to spoil his brothers birthday – he went on to say the doctors were asking for a copy of his notes from uk hospital from 10years previous (he had had hodgkins lymphoma) he was trying to reassure me (or himself) that it was a load of fuss over nothing ....... i was pretty numb ...trying to take it all in .......

2 days later we were on a plane flying to spain .... the local hospital via PALS had given us a full copy of his notes to take with us

Within a week of him being taken ill – he was moved to another hospital and started on chemotherapthy – he was being treated for testicular cancer – they actually started treatment before all the lab results came back

He spent over 3 weeks in hospital ...... at one stage coming home for a couple of nights before being re-admitted for a few more days

To say it was the most scariest of times for us all ...... i truly thought he was going to die! He was so so poorly – i remember him once asking me why he was so pale his hands and feet were blue

He had tumours on his abdominal lymph glands – one pressing onto a kidney – but the main concern was a tumour aginst /near his vena cava (artery which feeds the lungs) he also had a thrombosis in the same artery .........

BUT ........

We are now a year on ........

And after chemo and an op at end of august to remove the problem tumour .............. paul is now very well – and has returned to work

He is due another scan next week – his last couple of scans showed “something” in the op area ..... “they” think its scar tissue .... as his blood results are good – so its just a matter of wait and see?

Mr.n and me are still here in spain ...... if alls well we are planning on returning to uk may time ...and getting back to normal

Oh what a year its been!

And we are all a year older and wiser and healthier and happier ......and i cant forget the date can i?.....and that reminds me........

happy birthday to my baby! Hes 29 today!

LIVESTRONG

xNx

feb - a year on!

2010-02-08T00:25:54Z

i was dreading february coming round - its a year since my son was taken ill

ive been feeling anxious etc as the date come nearer - obviously im not expecting him to be ill - but hes due another scan around the same date!!! so the pre-scan worries and results starting to creep in

so this week - i was expecting to have a nice quiet weekend - chill - enjoy the peace n quiet - relax before the next couple of weeks comes crashing along.......

my son booked a trip back to the uk to see his nana n grandpa ,,,,,,,hes been worrying about them - theyre not ill - just old! so to put his mind at rest he booked flights etc etc for himself -helen and the kids

(hence me looking forward to some quiet days)

saturday mrN drops them off at airport - then toodles off to a local bar to catch up on his beloved football - he had to be back at airport 2 hour later to pick pauls mate up ,,,,,,,,,(yeah great timing kids!) halfway thro 2nd half of match

he gets a fonecall from paul - they cant fly - our g/daughter was taken ill and rushed into local hospital suspected appendicitus

her mum went with her in and paul was at airport with g/son - he was devastated

he had to arrange for someone else to come pick up his mate then mrN took them to the hospital .................... g/daughter had had xray and was waiting for blood tests then waiting echo .......

they had to go back to airport to pick up the suitcase which had to be unloaded off plane ................

back to hospital - then back to our house for the night - they finally got home around 11pm ............8+ hours after mr N had left for the trip!!!!!

helen stayed the nite at hospital with g/daugher ........ then foned this morning to say she was allowed home .............. she has had severe gastroenteritus and has swollen lymph nodes in her abdomin

to say we were worried was the understatement of the year - paul was rushed into hospital nearly 1 year ago with severe abdominal pains ...... they initially thought it was appendecitus ..............

last night i prayed and prayed for her to be ok .....i think HE is sick of listening to me (hey i even asked our friend skipper to help!) well i thank god -skipper and anyone else who helped ............... (up there!) and hope and pray they continue to help us and everyone else on here in macland

my son daughter in law feel totally gutted / wiped out - their little girl poorly now

theyve missed their holidays (had to cancel their hols last june too!) lost the money on the flights ..............and pauls still worried about his grandparents and when he will see them again

we are all hating february!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ................ roll on march!

MERRY CRIMBO to all ADMIN

2009-12-23T11:40:23Z

i would just like to take this opportunity to THANK all ADMIN

for their work on this fab site

you guys are BRILL !!!!!!

Hope you all have the MERRIEST CHRISTMAS ever!

sending you all xXxXxXx from under my MISTLETOE xXxXxXx

xNx