Nearly a year on, why still so angry!!!

Still angry

2010-12-22T18:35:42Z

Well my counselor is over tonight within minutes, so this will be a quick blog. I have been really feeling the pull these last two weeks. Everyone getting merry and talking of spending times with their mums and then bang, my heart drops as I realise I will never get that again. Why is it all the talking in the world helps at the time and then you hit these god awlful milestones -such as christmas.

I am looking forward to it do not get me wrong, but in a different way to anyone else that has not lost anyone dear to them. I cannot believe the hurt I am feeling again. hearing that saying, still, well i know its hard Al, but she's in a better place and not in pain. No, she is not in a better place because she should not have gone in the first place. My dear mum had her full brain intact when she passed, and as much as try and say to myself I am sure she was ready, how do I know that, was it just my mum being strong to the end and not wanting her kids to see her being weak.

I think I may have coped you know if I had not watched Noels Christmas Presents. Oh

URGH

2010-07-01T12:27:32Z

Hi to my friends and everybody else going through this journey.

I am blogging cause I need to chat away about my late dear mum, I miss her so much and I know that saying to well "she would not want to see you still upset, after all this time, move on" . Well as much as I am getting on with my life and trying to get my brain and heart to both accept that my dear mum is no longer in this world, they are not agreeing. My brain finally acknowledged it, after giving me such lovely nightmares for months and nightmares where her passing is repeatly replayed in different scenarios. However my heart is not ready to accept, I am craving phone conversations, want to tell her how her grandson is doing. My dad is lovely and coping well considering, but, he is not my dear mum and was never one for going out shopping, gossip and seeing movies or shows. Why did my mum have to go, I see people older still about and I just cannot understand why. right, tears will be flowing soon, which is what I needed to release, so this blog thing works!!