my journey

update 14 months on

2011-08-17T06:42:09Z

hello everyone

its been a long time since i have written anything or been on to chat to anyone ,i'm back at work full time and working away from home monday to fridays so it makes it really difficult but i'm feeling great .

i now have back my energy levels and a full head of hair this little blog is really just to say thank you to all the people that helped me in those dark days and to let them know that the sun is shining in my life , this time last year i was worried about my sons wedding and how i would be feeling and looking and i had so many fantastic comment on the day it was amazing i have uploaded some pic for anyone who would like to see them .

I just hope this little blog finds you all doing well and makes a few of you smile to hear good news

take care jackie xxxxxx

good news, bad news

2011-04-02T11:54:17Z

hi everyone

here i am nearly a year ago i was standing on the platform of normal life when the cancer train arrived, boarded hope on a short journey lumpectomy and radiation where the planned stop ,but i was unlucky and was diverted to chemo town then on to radiation but i weather it well and now i'm feeling back to my normal self back at work for now factory might close due to a bad fire but time will tell on that one .On one hurt everyone out safely so that good .

Now for my bad news i had a phone call from my cousin she didn't want to even tell me with everything i have gone through last year but she has just found out she is standing on the same platform as i did last year looking at the same stops.

I did say all the words you'll be ok look at me i'm doing great but sometime it just doesn't seen enough i have said i'm at the end of the phone if she needs to chat about anything at anytime she lives over 300 miles away so no coffee morning for us .

i bloody hate this disease and hearing she is where i was is heartbreaking and just sort of brought it all back not that i could ever forget but i'm sure you know what i mean

rant over thanks for reading

jackie

my birthday party

2011-03-06T18:47:33Z

Hi this pic is my son dark blue shirt and the lad who shaved his head in support of my hair loss last year i have the greatest honour to call him a friend x

last night i had my first adult birthday party ever at the tender age of 43 surrounded by the people who love me and i love in return after the crapping year that was 2010 and all the interesting things i found out about some friends and more about what i found out about myself i just thought sod it why not and it was a fab evening much love to all the pic below is me (LOL) my other half and 2 nieces

happy valentine day

2011-02-14T09:43:19Z

Hello everyone

Feeling very well the sun is shinning i'm just home after a weekend away with my nearest and dearest and visiting relatives some shopping done where i picked up the most important dress of this year for me ,my mother of the groom outfit happy days.

Lifes next step back to normality tomorrow (what ever normal is ) i'm returning to work only part time to start but its a start i have my check up with the ocologist on thursday and i'm not freaking out yet !

sending much love and hugs to all

xxxxxx jackie

coming full circle WHAT IF !!

2011-01-15T20:53:37Z

This Monday I have my first check up with the breast clinic now feeling quite nervious about it .

In april 2010 I went there feeling well but I had a little lump and being 42 I wasn't to worried about it but then the arse fell out of the world I knew , when he told me I had cancer .I have learnt alot since then like who my real friends are and I'm greatful for that i will cherish them all for ever.

The rollercoaster ride started, tests, scans lumpectomy thinking I would just need radiation but the nasty little cancer cells had travelled to the lymph node so node clearance then chemo going bald which I kind of like to be honest very freeing then radiation which finished xmas eve so what a ride 2010 was for me and my family . Took in all in my stride and mainly with a smile and a few tears and some laughs.

And now I'm over the nasty side effect of both the chemo and radiation and the hair is growing and I'm feeling well which brings me back to how I felt going into the breast clinic that first time ,ok I going in this time lump free but I'm still frighten of sitting in that room with the doctor ,you would think with all of the hospital visits and appointment during treatment it would get easier ,but I was having treatment all to deal with the nasty little unwanted visitor. but now that has stopped and as time draws closure to my breast clinic appointment my mind is in overdrive what if one little cell didn't get wiped out what if it like my boobs saw it as home .

rambling a bit now but its just WHAT IF not 100% sure I could face it again with the same positivtity .

Feeling better for just getting that out of my head

Jackie xxxx

feeling guilty

2010-12-20T08:01:52Z

Hi All

Feeling a little guilt after my good news i was so happy and shared it with the world and his wife about my treatment finishing on christmas eve .

But after any high there is a low

Its now that i feel guilty because i know that there are people who are dreading this season ,people who will feel so alone in a room full of family and friends because a special someone isn't there ,for the ones who will wake up in an empty house with a empty heart ,for the ones who will be caring for a love one who is on their final journey .

its very humbling because even with everthing going on there own life these are the very people who have congratulated me on my good news .

i just hope for them this year is that they can get a litlle pleasure from a happy memory or a smile .

love to all x

jackie

best xmas present ever

2010-12-17T12:13:46Z

Yesterday i went for my daily zap of radation and while lying on the bed i got the best news ever ,i was looking at having my last full zap on christmas eve with a week off then returning in january for 5 booster sessions but the nurse told me what what he has planned now is to do the booster alone side next weeks sessions so i will finish christmas eve ,i can tell you i cried i don't care now if i fry next week and have to sit with a bag of frozen peas on my boob on xmas day all of my treatment will be completed so bring on 2011 i for one can't wait to see the back of this year and i know i'm not alone there .

lots of love and best wishes to all xxxxx

jackie

half way through rt

2010-12-12T16:29:38Z

I'm now half way through my RT and so far so good after all my worries skin is a little pink but i have been putting on plenty of cream so here to the next 10 sessions then it will be christmas it does leave me 5 sessions at the start of next year but my aim for this year is to enjoy christmas with my family and friends and admire my new hair (LOL)so lots of christmas wishes to everyone and heres to a happier, healthier 2011

tomorrow step 2 finish line in sight

2010-11-09T20:21:49Z

Tomorrow i will be going to meet my next set of nurses the ones that will be with me on the radiation step of my treatment i'm sure they will be as nice as the chemo nurses or the breast nurse who where with me at the start of the horrible trip . I have to say they all have been brilliant which does help.

I'm now quite nervous about the radiation side effects i was really lucky not to suffer to bad through the chemo and i just think with my good old scottish skin (blueish /white with freackles ) i will bloody fry but on a brighter note this is the last leg if it was a race i could just about see the finish line .

love and hugs to all

tomorrow will be great

2010-11-02T08:27:24Z

This is the first time i have blogged ,i've been on this this site for a few months now so here goes.

Tomorrow i have my last chemo WOO HOO ,

It has been something that i could have done without and when i found out i needed to have chemo i was so scaried as the only time i had seen anthing in connection with chemo was on the TV thankfully i have weather the storm very well no really bad side effect so i'm thankful for that the only really side effect was the hair loss and i did cry and feel a bit sorry for myself but after a chat on here with my new mac friends i felt a lot more positive and shaved my head , it was very freeing and i liked it .

My hair has started to grow and i'm looking forward to it coming it a bit thicker i hope

The next step is radiation and i just hope it goes as well .

This blog is really to say a big big thank you to all of my mac friends on chat who really did help me during my darkest days at the start of this journey i read a quote somewhere not sure where but it has made me think

THERE MUST BE A CRACK TO LET THE LIGHT IN

we all try to be everything to do everthing to stay in control but sometime we need to just open up and let the light in