the journey

2 minute read time.

my amazing dad has been battling cancer for nearly 2 years now(wish i had found this site then)i thought i would write a diary /blog of how his treatment is going. it all began back in april 2009 when a urine infection showed up a tumour on his right kidney.he was whisked in to hospital to have the kidney removed within a week and the op was a success.he felt great after the op and back to normal within days so it came as a great shock to us all at his 3 month check up that the cancer had returned.they found small nodules on his lungs and tumours in the bone(hip and bottom of back) by the start of october dad had been given the cancer drug sutent.the side effects he felt made him lose weight all his hair went snowy white,had no taste for food and nausea. the nausea was controlled with different drugs.one of the good things about this treatment was you got a 2 week break in each cycle so on his 2 weeks off his appetite returned and he started to feel better. the sutent meds kept him ticking away for 14 months.we got the news end of nov begining of dec 2010 that a tumour in the spine had grown from 7cm to 18cm so the sutent was not keeping the cancer at bay so he was removed from it. this came as a huge blow to mum,dad myself and brother as who knew what the next step would be. he suffered with pains in his legs and a scan showed a non malignant tumour compressing the spine making the legs painful so he had 2 lots of radiotherapy which def helped and shrunk the tumour.dad was told of a new drug that they wanted him to trial.sadly he was not suitable for the trial due to blood counts etc but was told there was a fairly new cancer drug called everolimus(afinitor) they wanted him to try. this however would need funding.the price was very high but like the sutent(which needed funding we were optomistic.the news back 2 weeks later was no PCT had turned us down but dads consultant had applied to another company and they said yes.dad has been on the new treatment 10 days now.the main side effect of this is such a sore swollen mouth with ulcers which stops his ability to eat and drink.he does seem quite out of it at the moment so we are contacting mcmillan nurses and his cancer nurse.

7th march 2011

dad has been admitted to hospital.for the last 4 days or so he has been quite out of it.he is very dissorientated ,grabbing for things that are not there,hallucinations,sleeping 22 hours a day.we have spoken to a nurse and she seems to think it could be to do with his type 2 diabetes as he had a urine reading of 27.8(very high) we were told to take dad to his cancer ward at the hospital where it seems it is not the diabetes but a build up of morphine pain relief(mum did stop giving him this 2 days ago as pain was ok and because he seemed so out of it)they have kept dad in for at least overnite and the morphine has been stopped. they have also stopped the cancer drug for now as his poor mouth is so sore so they want to try an get him back to better health before restarting the drug again. i will update when i have more news.

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    JULY 26th 2011

    not blogged for a few days so thought i best write a few lines down.not sure if many read this but not important as its just my little rants but something i need to do. have had a pretty good weekend. sean and i went househunting again (back to the house we really like and if possible we like it even more) then off to see some close friends in the cotswolds as they are being stationed out to canada(army) in 5 weeks. will bloody miss them both but a good excuse to save money and go visit them. so it was cocktails all round sat night with plenty of laughs and even more booze. luckily enough i had my sensible head on when we got back to their house and instead of my usual hitting of the black sambucca i opted for cup of t and 2 large glasses of water !!!! no hangover for me sunday morning. did get a tiny bit emotional when talking bout my dad but at the moment i feel like ive shut down a bit on those feelings.another really close friend was there whose dad died in oct and she was saying she still get wobbles over certain things and is totally normal.

    sunday was kept quiet with travelling back down south and then collecting my 2 kids.(charlie has a new boyfriend who is lovely and spent 2 hours with us at mums so long may that continue) its really good to see charlie smiling and laughing

    .josh we collected from his dads and that could be a whole other post written on that...his dad has the ability to make me well just throttle him and rant and rave and scream and punch him but my oh my i am not gonna waste any energy on that poor excuse but i hate he still bloody winds me up...now deep breath and relax.....good job sean was with me else i mite have flown out the car and gone for him!!!

    so to sum up (when i read this blog back) it would seem my weekend consisted of happyness ,few tears and downright manic anger(least i feel anger directed at the one who deserves it!)

    now to get on with the summer holidays and do some things with josh

    lots of love to all my mac friends  and to my lovely dad and family x x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    JULY 30th 2011

    thursday didnt start off great

    i went to see dad at the cemetery.i have only been once on fathers day as something has always held me back from going but thursday i felt the need to go.

    1st stop the bitter train with the anger stop soon after. i sat and cried and talked to dad then felt this over whelming urge of anger and bitter as to why he left us all and how life has changed forever and how mad i am he is not here

    2nd stop was the guilty platform as as soon as the words left my mouth i felt terrible.my lovely amazing dad did everything he could to stay as long as he could with us and here was me just chucking it back in his face.how disgusted did i feel and all i could do was apologize and tell him i didnt mean it...i just hope he knows that as i still feel bloody awful now

    thursday eve started off an a real high as my oldest best mate was over from oz and me and sean met up with him and his partner and a few others. we had a fab evening but it ended when everyone had gone with me blurting the whole days events out to sean and getting angry again and then sobbed myself to sleep. as i said to sean i feel for each step forward i take 2 back but he dissagreed and felt what happened was a massive step forward for me and all part of the grieving process

    here is hoping the extreme anger and bitterness i had on thursday wont surface again and the power of those emotions shocked even me

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    AUG 4th 2011

    well ive not blooged for a few days as hardly been home.its been a very manic stressful few days. my eldest charlie broke her hand on sat eve.went to a and e and was bandaged and slinged untill monday when she needed to go to fracture clinic. spoke to our gp monday morning and he wanted her straight back to hospital so off we went monday morning to a and e...while we were there they also saw me( had been suffering chest pains for last few days) upshot of it all was after 5 hours charlie was put in plaster and we had appointment the next day with plastics department and i was diagnosed with tietze syndrome( fake heart attack) the  muscles around the top ribs and breastbone swollen which was putting pressure on me. feeling better now and dosed up on all sorrts of tablets and sporting a top bruise from blood tests. tuesday we got to plastics at 9am and charlie was seen at 10.30am. dr looked at x ray and not happy with break.gace charlie some local anesthetic and took plaster off.while she was having new plaster on he was manipulating and trying to move bone back into place. was re x rayed and he still not happy so for another hour he tried pulling and pushing bone back into place.god the noise was awful. she sure did a good job of breaking her 5 metacarpal. was decided that this was not working and she was booked in yesteray morning for an op to put a metal plate and pins in her hand(so tuesday was another 5 hours in hospital)

    wednesday morning as instructed we got to surgical ward at 8am and waited and waited and waited.finally at 3pm charlie was taken down for her op,starving hungry and a very scared little girl( flt like she was a little baby again and not some stroppy 17 yr old with attitude) really felt for her as we went down to the op theatre as she seemed so scared. had to leave her then so thought right am gonna sit in the sunshine and have a sarnie...walked out and the heat hit me as did a nasty wasp flying about so i shooed it away...it obv had other ideas and flew up my skirt and stung my bloody ass several times!!!! came over all funny shaking and feeling crap and next thing i knew some kind stranger was wheeling me into a and e!!!!

    luckily they saw me really quick as i explained my daughter was in surgery and due out soon and after they picked the stinger out me bum and gave me some meds i was feeling much better.

    charlie came out of recovery as i left a and e so met her on the ward. she was spaced out and tired and in some pain and after a good sleep she came round and wanted to go home....seemed to take ages to get her discharged but at 8.30 pm we were on our way home...so 12 and a half hours later we were leaving hospital....im so drained and shattered and dont wanna see that hospital for a while now....am so looking forward to going back to work today...will be less stressfull lol !!

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    AUG 12th 2011

    the last week has been fairly quiet..well considering charlie had an op,josh knee been playin up again,work housework and keeping josh amused in the holidays

    this weekend we are off to a party in essex. its dads family so it will be lovely to see them all but so sad dad wont be there as he loved catching up with his brother and other relations. we are determined to have fun and the essex crowd always throw a good party and as we are staying overnite we can indulge in the alcohol.

    mum is flying out to see her brother in france on sunday so that will be great for  her... she seems to be doing so well (mind u im sure thats what we all think about each other)

    ive had a few moments today...no idea why as woke up really ok but driving about little things have remnded me of dad and things he said to me and i got tearful....i know its ok to cry as its all part of the grieving process..i just hate the way i never know when it will hit me !!

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    15 th aug 2011

    well we went to essex for the weekend for the surprise party... sean wasnt feeling great which was a shame for him sh he was defo not himself...i was emotional on and off throughout the day as knew it would be hard seeing all dads family again but also looking forward to seeing them so a bag of mixed emotions there...when my dads brother came in he gave me a huge hug...the kind of hug that says how are u and i know really how u are feeling...i had to dash to the loo after as i could feel myself spilling over with tears.i really didnt think it would effect me in this way but the way he hugged me just reminded me so very much of my dad and the fact i wont feel one of his hugs again...my aunt came into the loo as i was coming out and realised why i was there and gave me a huge hug and we had a chat and i felt better after that...they both looked through the wedding pics and said how lovely they were and we enjoyed the party as a family for the rest of the evening....

    i do wonder when i will get control over my emotions again as feeling happy and ok 1 minute and sad and tearful the next is driving me nuts !!!