My mum has been diagnosed as terminal..she has fought pancreatic cancer for the past 3ys but it has now spread into her liver and bowel. I have cried, shouted, prayed and tried to go into denial...none of it is working....it is sitll happening. I cant beileve that i will one day have to work, cook, clean or even breathe without my mum with me. I am finding it really difficult to even enjoy the time i have with her now because i am constantly on eggshells waiting for a downturn. I know that is a terrible negative way to look at it but thats how i feel. My mum has not had a luxurious life (far from it) and i had always hoped she would have a 'golden' age when she could fufill all of her dreams that she put on hold while she invested all of her love, energy, money and time in me and my sibligs. I have a very open relationship with her, we spend quality time together and always have done, i cant bear this noose hanging over her. I love her and I feel completely loved and valued by her.
