Mums final journey

mum continues her Journey

2010-03-18T20:46:32Z

Dear Blog sorry i have not been here for a while .

Mum has come out of hospital and is to stay with us until the end .

I seem to be making endless tea and taking endless phone calls ( mum cannot hear on the phone so i have to relay ).

I am trying to work at home also , mums TV is SO LOUD i think cross then i think well its not going to be long she has to have her pleasure.

Today we went to see the onecologist at Taunton mum has opted for no treatment ,the big C is in her Brain,Kidney and through to the bone .

At 85 i wonder if i would choose this way also her reason being that if the end is the same wether it comes soon or in a few weeks ...........

At the mo she is ok no pain , mobility reasonable for a 85year old .

Still able to converse and make a joke , listen to music and her beloved Midsummer murders and Morse .

Everyone talks of Pallative care but still no-one has contacted the onecoligist is going to send aletter to her GP.

If anyone reads this who also has a close relative facing dying in maybe a few weeks please could you contact maybe we could help support each other ?

More news also bad

2010-02-16T16:21:39Z

How much more bad news can they give me ?

We were given the results of the last 2 scans its in her Kidneys and in the bone as well as the brain .

Dr Jane told mum that there is no need to see the nerologist ,-i think up till now she thought he was going to give her a cure.

The news had finally sunk in to her so very hard when your mum says Jayne i'm coming home to die !

We cried together , i cried all the way home ,then i cried when i saw John (my husband ) and we cried.

Tonight i have to take a dance rehearsal for a concert my mum won't see. The first one she will miss in the 10years my Theatre group have been performing .

Life will go on .

Very bad day .

Taking it in

2010-02-11T07:49:33Z

Thursday - well its now 4 days since the 'NEWS'. The emotions i have gone through in this 4 days i did not know i had .

The tears of 'why my mum' to the anger .Why this woman who didn't smoke , only ever had a occcasional sherry,ate lots of fish and did lots of crosswords .

The steroids have kicked in and she is happy she can now use her left arm , physios are helping her to walk.

Then she says' i would like to buy a new coat for the summer' and then looks at me and adds 'i won't see summer will i ' We cried together

We talked a lot last night i hope that in the next few days the hospital will let her home .she is to have a ct scan on friday and they say that they will have a better idea of HOw long .

Numb at the diagnosis

2010-02-09T10:16:00Z

3 days ago i was told that my mum only had weeks to live .

It started with a fall in her bathroom gashing her arm on the 7th of November , she could not get down stairs to phone me for 7 hours , we got there broke in and got her a ambulence .

I had the feeling she had had a stroke but Doctor was more concerned that she had broke her foot or Arm , x-rays done and she was sent home with us .

Still not happy on the monday phoned her doctor he was not available so Dr Bud came out i said to him had mum had a stroke he ignored me.

Did stop a blood pressure tablet as her blood pressure was low .

She did seem to be getting better, then the week after christmas she woke up and could not walk i had to lift her to a comode , wash , dress her, i thought another stroke .This was no easy task for a me as a amputee with heart problems . I then phoned for the Doctor again and had to really battle to get her seen finally i agreed to get her to the surgery (luckily my husband was still off work for christmas and he could lift her to the car )we saw another Doctor who said mum had indeed had a stroke .

Dr Hansford put in motion physios and help for me this did not start until the 25th of January .

On the 29th one of the physios suggested mum go in to the hospital for intensive physio to help her get the use of her legs and arm and so she went in on the 1st of Feb.

As she had not had a Brain scan for the Stroke this was arranged for Friday the 5th, that afternoon i recieved a call from the hospital that a Doctor wanted to speak to me a 11am the following morning.

The doctor explained that they had found a Tumour in her brain and although she was not showing any other signs it was probley secondary.No treatment or operation will be given as its too far and DNR has been written in her notes .

She is waiting now for a MRI and other scans to see where else it is but has no lumps , eating , no headaches, and going to the loo ok.

Although mum was told everything she did not grasp how serious and the fact that they were not going to treat it , just make her comfortable untill yesterday.

When she said to me 'i am going to die soon'.

My mum is 85 and has lived alone for the last 32 years since my dad died in 1978 , she has always done her own cleaning , shopping, looked after my children when they were small,and has been such a independant lady and was very active .

Its ironic in a way mum loved fish she said it was 'good brain food' , she did the Daily Mirror crosswords 'to stop her Brain getting lazy'.

I have been told she may pass in her sleep any day or gradully decline over weeks, If she stays ok and her body accepts the steroids they will let her come home next week to spend her last days weeks at my home with us.

And that is why i am numb, have had to phone family ,visit my daughters and mums friend, its been very hard to find the words and as i write this the keys are getting wet .

This afternoon i will visit her thats the hardest she will tell me what she had for lunch and what she has read in the newspaper and maybe she will cry .