missym86

broken

2011-07-09T07:49:36Z

where do i strart? arghh!

been having problems with my mum atm.. my boyfriend has been battling bowel cancer for a year, and im depressed.. he's about to have his last operation on his lung to remove some mets.. then hopefully nothing more.. just regular check ups (he had bowel cancer).. he is just recovering from a liver operation...

my mum is always on my back about stupid things.. last weekend she got drunk (she sometimes drinks to much) and was really nasty to me.. i tried talking to her and she always says "you need to move out".. im 24 turning 25 in dec..

i would love nothing more than to move out but right now am broke, and my boyfriend has no money because he hasnt been working since getting sick.. i stay over at his house with his family a lot but i really wouldnt like to move in with them.. it just wouldnt work..

today i tried telling my mum im angry that she never seems to ask how i am or seem to care and she started on me how 'uncomfortable' she was that i was living at home.. she said its time i moved out (she knows well i have no money).. im so hurt so i try talking to dad and he ignores it and says do i really love my boyfriend? like leaving him is an easy option that will "UN DEPRESS ME"! ive supported my boyfriend this far why would i leave him?

mum said that i use him as an excuse all the time to be depressed.. FORGIVE ME FOR BEING UPSET! its like they dont get it at all! now i dont knwo what to do im stuck.. i have no money and really seems im not welcome at home anymore.. really dont wanna move in with the boyfriends fam.. :(

i feel like my life is never going to get better.. i try telling people how i feel, i try explaining that ive got it tough and they keep telling me to 'be young live life'.. well im trying to!

anyway just had to vent.. im just angry.. and sad and everything else that comes with this!

Books

2011-06-27T02:31:27Z

Hi all,

just wondering if anybody knows any good reads about partners dealing with their partners cancer.. ive just read "wife interupted" which was really good, although made me tearful! can anybody recommend any other good books?

thanks :)

feeling annoyed!

2011-06-21T11:51:02Z

so my beautiful boyfriend is recovering from his liver operation and its been three weeks now.. he's been through so much in the last year and i think he's so brave...BUT im starting to feel angry at him and resentful.. i feel so GUILTY about it to! like for eg.. if i say i have a sore back, the then complains he's tired and sore.. i am always massaging him, cleaning up for him etc... if i have a bad day he reminds me he's worse.. its like im not allowed to be sick or angry anymore!

do any other partners out there ever feel this way? he's family has given me a lot of grief since his diagnosis, he never saved his sperm before chemo ( i want kids in the future).. i just feel like ive "put up with" a lot.. i know its not his fault he has cancer but i still get angry that ive had to deal with all this and we're not even married!

just had to vent!

worries

2011-05-29T09:08:38Z

so today my best friend told me her and her boyfriend are going to buy a house.. as her best friend i should be jumping for joy being happy for her.. but instead im jealous and wishing it was me instead... after our convo i go back to the hospital and my boyfriends lying there trying hard not to be sick! he had his liver operated on 3 days ago and he's really nausiated and unwell :( they cut a big chunk from the middle where the two tumors were and glued the two sides together.. he also had his gallbladder removed to..

and now im concerned that the liver will get more tumors.. he had his bowel operated on 7 weeks ago and they removed a big tumor which wasnt cancerous thanks to radiation and chemo.. the surgen said when he took the two liver mets out he couldnt see any more.. and its been months since he had chemo so im guessing its a good sign..

i really am just over it! i just want my boyfriend to feel better asap! everyone is so worried but i know its the drugs making him feel yuck.. we're just inpatient! i just want this all to be over so we can move on with our lives! we're only in our early twenties we should be celebrating our lives not going through this! :( im angry, sad and just down.. nobody at work even cares to ask how im going, they all stress and get anxious over the dumbest things!

anyway enough of my worries just had to get that all off my chest :)

lonely girl :(

2011-05-27T12:59:41Z

my boyfriend had the middle part of his liver taken out last night, and the two halves glued together... he's still in ICU and is very sleepy.. he wont really wake up and is on a very strong pain killer starting with K.. cant think of the name! im so worried :( he wont talk and is just lying there.. has anyone else experienced this? he had major bowel operation six weeks ago to remove his bowel tumor.. but he ended up with a permanent colostomy which wasnt intended :( he's just been through so much and he's only 23! its very hard and i struggle to come home at night and not have him in bed with me to cuddle.. feeling very lonley tonight!

the silly things people say

2011-05-17T10:27:45Z

so im sitting here and feeling really down :( my boyfriends dad has been so funny with me lately.. not talking to me... acting really strange..

my boyfriend comes to my house with his room packed up in the car.. when i asked what was wrong he didnt tell me.. eventually i found out that his dad has accused me of letting my boyfriend 'financially support me'.. (my boyfriends on a sickness pension) and i work.. infact ive been supporting him! im so shocked and outraged and so so very hurt :( ive stuck by my boyfriends side through everything and we havent even been together for two years yet!

i feel like screaming and shouting at him.. wake up! im a mess :( my boyfriend is having a major liver operation in two weeks and this is just the worst timing to do this kind of thing..

i feel like i cannot do anything right, yet i am doing so much right... ive supported him through this horrible illness.. ive been there even when he tried to push me away.. even when his family has said and done things to hurt me.. and now this has pushed me over the edge and make me feel like some money hungry horrible person that im just not!

:'( feeling very sad tonight

the stupid things people say

2011-05-17T10:26:22Z

so im sitting here and feeling really down :( my boyfriends dad has been so funny with me lately.. not talking to me... acting really strange..

i feel like screaming and shouting at him.. wake up! im a mess :( my boyfriend is having a major liver operation in two weeks and this is just the worst timing to do this kind of thing..

:'( feeling very sad tonight

sad

2011-05-05T04:39:34Z

i just came home from work im on my lunch break and i just burst into tears.. last night we found out that my boyfriends liver surgery isnt going to be keyhole and now they have to open him up..

last time he had bowel surgery i found it so hard to see him in hospital in so much pain.. and now i have to watch him go through that all again.. i wish it was me instead!

im at work i work with children and im trying to put on a brave face but i feel like breaking down and crying.. enough is enough! when does it stop? i feel bad letting my boyfriend know how i feel but he's the closest person to me.. i feel so comfortable talking to him..

so now its another 2 and a half weeks of waiting until surgery and im a nervous wreck! just waiting for him to come out of surgery is the worst.. doc says it may take up to five hours!

very drained

2011-05-04T06:42:12Z

hey guys im new to this website.. so here's a long story short..

basically was with my boyfriend for 6 months, he started to get sick and weak, got a colonoscopy and found out he had advanced bowel cancer..

he had chemo, radiotherapy and surgery.. a year on and things are looking much better.. the tumor was removed completely, except now he has a permanant colostomy..

he will be having more surgery in 3 weeks time to remove liver mets..

basically most of our relationship has been in and out of hospitals, and him being ill.. i feel so drained and tired.. in this whole process i have lost so many so called "friends", and have missed so many days off work..

i know im depressed but then there are days when im feeling upbeat and posative.. its so hard because we really want to get married and buy a house etc.. im 24 and he's 23 but atm our lives have been put on hold for this.. i know he's young and strong and fighting it but i still feel so down and emotional..

to know he has to have liver surgery is just another thing to make me drained.. seeing him him in hospital after bowel surgery just made me feel so sad.. he was in so much pain and i couldnt do a thing about it..

just wondering if anybody else has had a similar experience to me?

thanks