millicentx2's blog

ovarian cancer

2009-04-29T10:19:45Z

Hi All Well I survived my 2nd chemo on Monday, they still had trouble getting the line in as they say my viens are very deep but one nurse eventually got it in. Chemo started about 10.30 and finally got away about 5.30 so it is a long tiring day but I can only hope it is doing some good. My hair is falling out in handfalls now which is veryupsetting, have got a wig and a couple of scalfs so am trying to get my head around this at the moment. My 2nd grandchild is due in 10 days time so am hoping I will be able to help my daughter then with her other little one who is17 months old. It is so hard thinking I might not be around whilst they are growing up I want to do so much with them but I can only hope and pray I will be around for a while. My hubby seems quite depressed at the moment too he has always been so hopeful that I will be o.k. but I think is now realising I may not be, I m trying to encourge him to get back into his hobby photgraphy it will give him something else to think about. Have so many lovely friends who visit me but no one really understands what we are all going though 24 hours a day its hard to get it out of your head that you may soon die. They keep asking me at work when do I think I will be back and as I am 64 I probably should give my notice in but after 20 odd years in a job it is difficult to do it just seems its another thing that is ending and I did love my job in the hospital dealing with patients, but maybe now I should just concentrate on spending time with my son, daughter and family. I m not really a miserable person but some days it does really get you down, you cant really make any plans and I find that hard to do as I always used to be thinking of the future when hubby and I were both retired and what we would do and now I dont think that will happen and it breaks my heart to think of him on his own as he is not good at managing. Love to everyone on site. Ellen X

first chemo.

2009-04-07T06:28:11Z

Hi All. Well I survived my first chemo yesterday, I was really dreading it. I arrived in the department at 9.AM and waited had the cannula put in my hand after soaking it in hot water for about 20 minutes as it is difficult to get at my veins. I was then told the phamacy department were not happy with my prescription and so had to contact the consultant. This all took at least 2 hours and eventually got going at about 11.30, after this all went well really and I must say it was not as bad a I thought it would be except sitting all those hours. My first lot of chemo was 3 hours and 2nd lot 1 hour and eventually got away and home about 6 o clock. So any starting chemo. today its not too bad, and I m now waiting to see what side events I may have, so far just tired. All my Love Ellen xx

feeling bad today

2009-04-02T06:36:55Z

I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and had a hysterectomy 6 weeks ago, due to start my chemo on Monday but they say it may not work and are going to do 3 sessions and then do a ct scan and if it hasnt worked they wont do any more. This is making me feel so miserable as I so much want to have some more time with my little granddaughter who is 16 months old and a new baby that is due in 6 weeks time. I cant believe all this has happened when it should be the happiest time of my life as I am 64 years old and have longed for grandchildren for many years and thought I wasnt going to get any. I am dreading the chemo. as I have worked in a hospital for over 20 years and have dealt with many cancer patients but it is different when it is you that has to go through it. The thought of losing my lovely thick hair upsets me also and I know my husband is getting fed up with me keep crying but I dont seem to be able to stop now I know that the chances of my making any sort of recovery are small and the whole thing just breaks my heart when I think of my babies and my poor daughter who really needs my help at the moment and I feel so useless and she also cries and says she dosent know what she will do with out me. I m sorry to be such a misery when I know there are so many brave peple out there but I feel that if the chemo isnt going to work why am I putting myself through it all. Love to you all Ellen xx