why her?x

2009-03-20T09:36:30Z

hi all this is all new to me and its my first time i really am not sure how to go about things but hey heres my short story..i am thirty years old and i have a young son age 6 and a loving long term boyfriend whom i have been with for thirteen years..my nanna wa recently diagnosed with secondary liver cancer which has spread from the liver to the gall bladder..this came as a real shock to the family as she has always been so fit and healthy never smoked drank etc she always ran around after everyone else always thinking of others..my grandad is disabled and is recovering from an operation which has left him partially paralyed down one side so he is unable to do alot but god love him he is trying real hard now..we are still in the early stages and are awaiting her date to start chemo hopefully within the next week we will hear something...you see i think i have accepted it in my own way but whilst alone i cry and think what life would be like without her and its like it all hits me again over and over then i wipe my eyes dry and try and smile for my little boy..my daily routine is get up take my son to school travel to my nannas which isnt that far from where i live help her up see to breakfast do the housework then she has no strength or energy so she is lying around dosing on and off to sleep all day..then i start with my grandad cook the meals etc leave to pick up my son then go back and sort them for the night leave about six seven my boyfriend picks us up and i go home to clean see to my son then off to bed this is my life seven days a week..the family say ring if you need me but my nanna and grandad only want me or my aunt caring for them and doing the chores....dont get me wrong i do get a sense of satisfaction as i am able to help and contentment but im finding it abit difficult and i feel i am the only one doing everything i need a bit of support myself as im scared i will run myself down and i need to be strong and well to carry on how do you live your own life as well as caring full time for the two most important people in the world to me whom really i class as parents as they brought me up from a baby???why does life have to be so cruel and demanding??i sometimes feel really selfish and i could kick myself for thinking of me when i dont know if im gonna have my nanna for much longer..the doctors say that if her body doenst respond to the chemo there isnt anything else they can do how do you accept that???

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why her?x