https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-blogs/b/lynne47/atomTelligent Community (Build: 12.1.2.21912)2010-07-08T11:12:50Zhttps://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-blogs/b/lynne47/posts/where-am-i-now2010-07-08T10:12:50Z2010-07-08T10:12:50Z<p>Hello</p> <p>Well this is my first blog. Havnt felt the need to write down how I am feeling before but right at this moment.....I do.</p> <p>So-a year ago last week!!!</p> <p>That was op day-the day my life changed!!</p> <p>For those who already know my story-I apologise for repeating myself but here goes:</p> <p>I was diagnosed with cancer of the voice box and, to cut a very long and probably tedious, story as short as possible I have had my voice box, trachea (from neck up) and oeasophagus (never bnow how to spell that!!) removed and a stomach pull-up to create new gullet. I have a neck stoma through which i breath, and speak using a electro thingy called a servox....just call me dalek!!!</p> <p>So really I look and sound a bit like a freak show-well thats how i feel every morning when i look at myself in the mirror.</p> <p>I then went on to have rt and 2 blasts of cisplatin!! Well the rt gave me radiation burns to my neck (just to add to the scarring) and have left my face looking like I have a 5o,clock shadow (thats my story and im sticking to it lol). And the cisplatin has left me with tinnitus............pardon!!</p> <p>So-where am I now????</p> <p>Wow what a question!!!</p> <p>One year on and end of treatment scan was all clear.</p> <p>Started back to work last week on a very slow return to work programme.</p> <p>Meeting up with a few of the wonderful friends i have met in mac, driving a bit more, getting out to do the shopping, bit of walking, routine stuff etc</p> <p>BUT WHERE AM I NOW???????</p> <p>My 2nd son goes off to uni in september so I will then be on my own and dreading it.</p> <p>I should b moving forward and putting yr behind me-but looking forward to what? It should be an exciting time surely-so why do i feel scared and lost?.</p> <p>When my cancer was diagnosed I knew exactly what was going to happen-the op, the treatment, the doc visits etc etc..................but now..............i havnt a clue. I feel like im back in limbo land again. Not knowing, waiting, watchin!!!</p> <p>And no one here to share these fears with doesnt help.</p> <p>***************Well Tweet-if yr reading this...get yr boots on!!****************</p> <p>So...wat was the question?</p> <p>Oh yeah.....Where am I now?</p> <p>Answer-I havnt the foggiest idea!!</p> <p>Lynne</p><div style="clear:both;"></div><img src="https://community.macmillan.org.uk/aggbug?PostID=350918&AppID=30953&AppType=Weblog&ContentType=0" width="1" height="1">Former Memberhttps://community.macmillan.org.uk/members/formermember