lisa j

Mom's not well

2011-06-05T18:13:00Z

Its been a while since I blog,

unfortunatley my mom was rushed into hosptial 10 days ago her remaining kidney wasn't working properly, at one point she had no renal function at all. Its been such a worrying time at one point I really thought she wouldn't pull through.

She just went down ill so quickly we where even asked if we wanted her Resuscitate her, god that was such a shock, we couldn't answear because my brother was away and I didn't think it was far for us to make that decision, my heart said one thing and my head said another.

OMG me and my sister cried so much over the past 10 days I'm getting on my own nerves now lol.

the good news is My mom seems to be a lot better over the last few days she eating a lot better and her renal function is better l and her blood pressure is a lot better.

I'm exhusted the dr put me off sick for 2 wks with stress, I'm so worried about work but I know couldn't function there, unfortunatley my boss is not the most understanding but i really can't go back yet.

I need to get mom sorted and also get my head sorted too.

lisa

Not so good today

2011-05-17T21:32:04Z

Well what a last few days we have had

I'm Not feeling to good today, feel a bit sick and Ive got a sore throat and a upset tummy. Its been a busy old week at work so far, its my week of lates so I do long working days so I'm feeling pretty crap really.

Not sure what to do about my mom, its hardly surprising but I think she's really depressed, Ive tried to talk to her but she just putting up a brick wall. I'm hoping she will pull her self out of it but I really dont know what to do.

I now I can't stop crying again!

My mom spoke to my auntie on the phone to night you never guess what I heard her say " that she ( thats my auntie) feels depressed", thats all my mom needs I really can't believe that women, I do love her but I'm not sure I like her very much at the moment every time she opens her mouth she puts both feet in it. WHAT THE HELL THE MATTER WITH HER.

I don't know perhaps its me, I think I'm just a bit off at the moment

I really do wont her to come to lunch on sundayif mom feels up to it but I'm so scared she will say something again and upset mom.and me for that matter and I'm worried this time I might loose it big time.

I dont feel I'm geting the support from the people around me at the moment its becoming increasingly harder to manage work and home. My sister bless her does try but she's not in the best of health her self. She pops in to see mom every night for a chat and gets her pension etc and my brother inlaw is very good giving lifts and doing the occassional shop.

. However my brotheris doing his normal putting his head in the sand and does the accasional visit at the weekend ( my sister calls it the royal visit lol) I know If I ask him to do stuff he would do it but I really shouldn't have to ask. If he just came and spent a bit of time with mom it would help.

i'm really worried about her not eatting, I do her breakfast before I go to work and also a sandwich for her lunch but then she won't really have anything else to eat. when I get homeshe might have a yogurt or some tinned fruit. Just a bit worried about her diabetes.

O well I must try and get some sleep Its another early start again in the morning my alarm goes off at 5.30 am and then the days starts all over again.

God life is so crap sometimes !!!!!!!!!

sorry if I'm rantting abit

Price less comment

2011-05-13T19:33:48Z

Not to good today I can.t stop crying, I think the last few weeks have eventually caught up with me.

My auntie popped in this afternoon she wasn;t in the house five min and she started talking about a programme that was on the BBC last night about death she proceded to tell my mom about this man and how he died and how he wasn't in any pain at the end.

I just couldn't believe what I was hearing, she made me so angry I had to get up and walk out of the room, I wanted to say something but I didn't wont to upset my mom any more, I don't understand how some people can be so thoughtless I could tell my mom was upset.

When I came back in I found it really hard not to cry infront of them, she didn't stop very long after that I think she knew she said the wrong thing.

After she'd gone I just burst into tears in front of mom I just couln't stop it. Mom said she didn't take any notice but I know she did.

I think my auntie should be someone who my mom could confide in. some chance of that, Mom said she wouldn't confide in her anyway "god how sad is that" however she would with me and my sister, I suppose that some consulation.

I know at some stage My mom will won't to talk about dying but I don't think today was the day and that something she will bring up in her own time.

sorry if my speeling a bit rubbish to night I'm still crying its just like someone opened the flood gates :(

lisa

hospital appt

2011-05-12T16:27:47Z

Evening

Well what day full of emotions again, my mom had her results today of her the CT scan she had last week. It was abit of a mixed bag really, the consultant said the cancer has spread again its seems a bit worse in her back. But he did say they wasn't really sure if it was the radiotherpy or if it was the cancer.

He won'ts her to start a differant kind of chemo ( tablet form) but he told us NHS does not fund it so he will have to apply for it, at this point I must admiit my heart went in my mouth, I just kept thinking they wouldn't let her have it. But he did say he didn't think there wouldn't be any problem.

She seemed a bit shell shocked when we came out she was really quiet when we were in the taxi coming home, I kept catching a look at her in the wing mirror she looked so sad.

I just didn't know what to say. I tried to reasure her but i dont think I'm doing a very good job.

lisa

OUR JOURNEY WITH RENAL CANCER

2011-05-10T18:26:40Z

Evening

Well just got in from work I'm a bit tied today its been a busy one.

Mom's seems a bit down to night and she's in a bit of pain, she's just told me that she's worried about her appointment to see the consultant about her results.

God what do you say to that.

I've tried to be positve about it and say the wright words but I'm not sure if I'am. Deep down I know Ive got the exact same feeling, she must be so scared . What do you say?

I don't think Ive slept properly for the last 2wks, I just can't switch off at night I eventually drop off about 1 O'clock then I'm a wake about 4.30am my alarm goes off at 5.30.

I've strated to leave my bed room door open just so I can hear if she gets up and she's not well.

Another day closer to thursday ( D day) just wish time could stand still for a while just so I can get my breath back.

O well I bet go and try and see if I can tempt her to have something to eat.

And I must do the bloody washing lol

speak again soon

Lisa

out journey with renal cancer

2011-05-09T18:10:11Z

Evening chaps

Just a quick blog.

Just got in from work god its been a long day!!! When I got home my sister and brother in-law was here, they just popped in to see mom was ok. Mom seems quite up beat to night.

As promised my auntie came to see mom at lunch time and spent a couple of hours with her, my mom wouldn't admit it but I think she enjoyed having a bit of company while I'm at work. I'm hoping she will do it again tomorrow because I'm on a 12 hour shift.

Ive spoken to one the Dr's at work and he said he will report on mom's CT for me so the report will be ready for thursday ( what do they say "its not what you know its who you know") I dont know if i already told you but I work the radiology Dept at our local hospital so some time I get to pull a few strings.

I have being thinking a lot today about the results on thursday and I've come to the conclusion "what will be will be" , and I know my mom will fight this crap till the end, so if it is more chemo we will fight it together and I will support her 110 %.

keep fighting you lot !! keep fighting .!!

lisa

renal cancer ( carers journey)

2011-05-09T08:47:36Z

Morning all

I have had to go back to work today after last week set back with my mom, its was hard leaving her today I must admit, but my auntie popping round sometime this morning to spend a bit of time with her.

She 's seems more like her old self today she ate really well yesterday she had a sunday lunch whoooooooowooooo. This was first meal she's had for at least 3 wks so fingers crossed things are on the up again.

I just hope she copes well by herself

Lisa

renal cancer / careres journey

2011-05-08T16:11:02Z

morning all

I woke early this morning yet again can't get past 5.00 oclock for some reason. thinking about lots of things today. The results of my mom's scan on thursday every time I think about it I feel sick . Not sure if I should ask my sisiter to come with us or just to leave it to me and mom, My sister husband had some test for cancer too so she really is going though it at the moment.so I think it might just make things worse I will only end up worring about them both.

I'v got to go back to work tomorrow I's so worried about leaving her alone not sure what to do for the best really, I'm out the house at 7.30 and not back till 6.00 oclock its a long time to be left by her self but I have to work.

. I have asked my aunty just to pop in and see if she is ok ,she said she would. The problem is my mom's a very private person and proud I surpose and she really does't like other people seeing her like this.even her own sister.

must go washing to do things to polish.

lisa

renal cancer

2011-05-07T16:51:45Z

well not a bad day today for my mom she's had her hair done and had somrthing to eat which is a big bonus. I think she even looks a bit better today

Yesterday went well I took her for her routine CT scan, and yesterday morning I managed to buy a wheelchair for her at our local mobility shop, it turns out I knew the chap who own's it I went to school with him

It was a stroke of luck really I didn't order it till thursday lunch time and he delivered 11.00am yesterday morning what a knight in shinning armour he was bless him, It was so much easier with the chair getting her there and back.

I Had a lovely back massarge this afternoon I had to take a bit of me time and try and relax for a while, Tracy the therapist I see is wonderful she worth her weight in gold she know's all about mom and to be honest she's a good shoulder to cry on "god bless you hun".

I think I will try and use this blog everyday just so can get my feelings out if that ok with everybody.

thanx for your messages it does help knowing there are other people out their that are going through the same thing.

lisa

My mom's journey with renal cancer

2011-05-05T18:57:14Z

Not sure if anyone will read this blog but I'll give it a go anyway,

My mom was told she had renal cancer in december 2009, she came out of the operation fairly well but then had to start a form of Chemo called sunitineb which she took for around 12 months. She also had to have some radiotherpy on her lumbar spine and most recently on her T-spine.

The radiotherpy this time round really knocked her about she was in a lot of pain and had to go onto some pain patches, which also had there side own side effects such as sickness and sleeping a lot,she decided to come off these this week, so she a bit more with it.

This week not been her best I had to call the emergancy Dr in on sunday who said she had some fluid on her lung, which she had to go into hospital on wednesday to have the fluid taken off.

Can't help thinking this bloody cancer has spread again to her lungs.

Tomorrow we are back at the hospital again for her routine CT scan. Then next thursday back to see the consultant for the results.

God this is so hard copying with all the up and downs, somebody once said to me "It was like a roller coaster ride" an't that the truth!!!

I so don't wont to loose her but I also hate seeing her like this, its so hard for her and she's been so brave I love my mom so so much.

can't help thinking this is the begining of the end !!!!!

lisa