I have a simulater at christies on Friday the the radio therapy begins next week. I also get the results of my first scan since the op. Have to say after being diagnosed with cancer dont you feel everything is magnified. Is it just me or is it evry ache, pain, twitch you just cant help but fear the worst. I daren't say anything to my hubby i dont know how much more he can take. he isnt coping very well. I catch him sometimes just looking at me like its the last time he is ever going to see me. then you start looking into your pension at work making sure you have critical illness cover looking at the mortgage stuff its all very depressing. Then the kids come home from school and the painted smile comes out to play.
I dont sit in on my own thinking bad thoughts and i do feel im very positive but its bloody hard work staying like that all the time. I dont get depressed I have what i call angry moments i feel i could take on the world and win in a fight. Then im ok again. Bizarre. Then you get calls from freinds ask how you are and then start moaning about something trivia. GET a grip i think. Never say it outloud I just listen.
