https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-blogs/b/laurens_blog/atomTelligent Community (Build: 12.1.2.21912)2010-04-14T22:25:02Zhttps://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-blogs/b/laurens_blog/posts/me-and-my-story2010-05-07T10:46:36Z2010-05-07T10:46:36Z<p>Where do i start, Up until a month ago i was happy and enjoying life. I lived with my husband and just found out we were expecting our first child. A baby something i always wanted and here it was.</p> <p>We went along to my first scan really excited - didnt know what to expect but just wanted to see our little baby inside me. The nurse rubbed this cold jelly over my tummy and pressed down with her machine. Me and my husband hand and hand watched the screen, then the nurse stopped moving and said she woulod have to go and get a doctor to have look. That was it i knew there was something wrong.</p> <p>I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The best option for me was to abort the baby, have surgery and chemo. this would leave me not able to have any more children - the one thing i really wanted. No chance. My husband agreed with the doctors and pressed me to get rid - again no chance. </p> <p>A few weeks later i began experiencing pain in my tummy. A few days later i started bleeding. My worst fears as i was taken to hospital and it was confirmed that i had sadly miscarried.&nbsp; I felt so empty and decided best thing to do was keep myself occupied. Went to work the following day and as i was doing some bits and peices in the church the phone wrang and it was to take a funeral - that of a young child...I broke down - i couldnt do this anymore my faith was gone.</p> <p>My husband told me when i went home i was being silly...to get on with it - its not the end of the world.</p> <p>Thank you for reading and goodnight...xxx</p><div style="clear:both;"></div><img src="https://community.macmillan.org.uk/aggbug?PostID=331434&AppID=30623&AppType=Weblog&ContentType=0" width="1" height="1">Former Memberhttps://community.macmillan.org.uk/members/formermemberhttps://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-blogs/b/laurens_blog/posts/my-darling-little-angel2010-04-14T21:25:02Z2010-04-14T21:25:02Z<p>My darling little Angel,</p> <p>You were not meant to be, but i love you very much.....</p> <p>I wanted to be a mum, i wanted to hold you in my arms i am only sorry i didnt get to meet you, I miss you so much</p> <p><span style="font-size:x-small;">Sleeping safe in a dream world<br />protected by all that surrounds you--<br />a beating heart<br />a gentle laugh<br />the touch of loving hands <br />And your future wasn&#39;t too far away.<br /><br />We longed to see your smile<br />hear your cry and dry the tears<br />We longed to teach all that we knew<br />and hold your hand in ours<br />But time has slipped away<br />softly. gently. quietly like the setting sun<br />upon evening&#39;s pale horizon.<br />And in an instant, you left-- <br />(I&#39;m not so sure I&#39;ll ever understand.)<br /><br />There are still lessons to teach<br />and games to play, <br />sandcastles to build,<br />and kites to fly<br />Things to explore<br />and monsters to chase away in the night<br />But you&#39;ve already gone.<br /><br />So we cry our tears<br />and pack up the few reminders we have<br />of the brief life that ended<br />before you ever took your first breath<br />or your first steps--<br />hoping only that you&#39;ll be happy<br />wherever you are</span><br /></p><div style="clear:both;"></div><img src="https://community.macmillan.org.uk/aggbug?PostID=331421&AppID=30623&AppType=Weblog&ContentType=0" width="1" height="1">Former Memberhttps://community.macmillan.org.uk/members/formermember