Kezzerbird...Calling all carers for help

Hi Carol, so sorry about your situation, and do thinkyou kneed to kick the crap out of your life, wish I could wave a wand and make it all better but that wont happen, and I think it sounds as if yor partner has a serious drink problem, and really think you have better things to fight for than his battle with drink, it is sad as he is ill to but unlike you if he admits and gets help he will get over it, but very often they have to hit the gutter first, and really dont think you are strong enough to help him, fitter people have given up on partners with drink problems, just feel the time for the bird to move on and be selfish and do what she wants, am sure you can get emergency cover for a couple of weeks so that you can get what you need sorted, will be hard but no where near as hard as trying to sort him out,  Take care and the very best of luck with it all, my hopes prayers and thoughts are with you, Big big hugs Ann xxx

oh carol huni ,

im going to do this straight from my heart , and also professionally as well, il start with my heart,

it almost killed me watching ju dying in front of me, but i never ever put myself first even though he quite often insisted i did , as i will imagine you do too Hun,

That pain is unbearable but Kev is being a shit yes he may be scared but he will have huge regrets if he doesn't sort this and will if honest prob drink himself to death ,im sorry to be so blunt but i know u don't want me to pussyfoot around you , my time caring and loving ju was so precious ,his last few months were spent knowing just how much he was loved as we all were ,we said i love you probably 100 times a day ,we were like love sick kids kissing and cuddling and i so cherish that now ,and i don't care if that's soppy that will be with me forever ,ju died in my arms truly loved and at peace, and that is also what you deserve Hun ,not the pain your suffering now , you are a strong amazing woman who has given me so much strength ,who knows how long any of us have but you need to spend that time fighting ,happy and peaceful not with no strength or love ,worrying about Kev,

That may sound really harsh but i do also understand how much pain Kev is in and in a way i can also understand why he is drinking to block it out ,he needs help as is probably heart broken too but until he is ready to accept that help nothing will change and have you got the time to wait ?

as a carer /widow their is nothing more devastating than watching your most precious loved one suffering or dying from cancer but what must be more devastating is if your left with regrets , kev needs to realize that now .

im always here if you need me ,

huge hugs Jenni xxx

Hi Carol, you have posted about Kev several times now, you know only you can make your decision, but there is a lot of cr*p said about men and feelings. Once a relationship breaks down the trust is lost for always so you know the clock cannot be turned back and wrongs put right.

Your priority has to be you and yes you need to be selfish and put you first.

Your right once you travel along our path you want fun and laughter, you make allowances for those who love us when they have their blips buts thats all it is a blip because they care about us and our remaining time.

Servicing and keeping happy another selfish person will only drain you, which you know, I do think you have made up your mind and what you really need is the strength to follow through your decision.

sending you the strength you need.

hugs  john

As your lovely friends have said, you don't need this drain on your energy and strength. He's not dealing with it at all (never mind dealing with it well) and yes, he's scared - sounds like you've been strong enough for both of you over the years - so he would be. He needs a good talking to from a close mate of you both.

It sounds like you have plenty of friends and family to give you the help that he isn't. You certainly have an army of us on here to talk to. I think I would be telling him to go now - then if you want to see him it'll be on your terms and he might just behave a bit better. If you still hate him well then you've lost nothing and gained your peace in your space (with no smelly socks lurking!)

I really hope you  can resolve this and get back to peace and good humour soon. Lots of love kxx

HI Carol,

          I hope it is obvious how much we all care about you and how we want you to live your life surrounded by love and laughter. This is a terrible strain for you and you need to put some distance between yourself and Kev, at least for a while and maybe permanently. If he can't sort himself out (and I think you have given him many chances) then you must put yourself first and move on. I hope your family will help you to solve this situation quickly so that you can enjoy life again.

      Thinking of you,

          Love and hugs,

               lizzie xx