Hi, I havent been on here for quite a while. Its been nearly 5 months now since my partner Julian died aged 42 from head and neck cancer. I believed i was doing fine....getting on with my life as he would have wanted. Recently i am just bursting into tears for no apparent reason, and i dont know why. Is there anyone out there who has lost someone who can help me through this. I am finding it difficult to talk to friends, as ive done such a good job of "moving on" that they all think i am fine, but i just look at his photo and feel so guilty that i am here " enjoying life " and he is not. At first when he died, i was relieved as he was out of the terrible pain he was in. Is that bad of me???????? Those last few months were the worst of my life, watching him die in agony, noone deserves to die like that. I miss him so much, and want to tell him what i am doing, want his approval, want his opinion.
If there is anyone out there, who can tell me i am normal and not cracking up, i would be really pleased to hear from you.
love Kathryn
