Just need somewhere to writehttps://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-blogs/b/just_need_somewhere_to_write/atomTelligent Community (Build: 12.1.2.21912)2010-02-13T20:58:05Z...................https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-blogs/b/just_need_somewhere_to_write/posts/3406102010-05-25T18:18:09Z2010-05-25T18:18:09Z<p>my god this isnt happening again...... it cant be</p>
<p>not very long ago i was nursing my beloved Nanna right to the day she died.. cancer finally took her from me from us.. Feb 17th Nanna left this earth to be with Grandad once again.. slowly bit at a time i am healing.. recovering from the pain, letting go of the anger, starting to smile when i think of Nanna instead of crying.. </p>
<p>But</p>
<p>As soon as i start to feel better i am kicked down again.. 6 weeks ago my Mum "pulled a muscle" in her back 4 weeks ago it was a "trapped nerve" </p>
<p>In the last week it has gone from a trapped nerve to a secondary cancer on the spine....... and today its become primary lung cancer with secondaries on spine, in liver and in hip... </p>
<p>and just to add insult to injury my Uncle has lung cancer also... </p>
<p>how can this be happening to us again.. why is it happening... </p>
<p>i am numb.. i am feeling nothing.. i cant feel anything.. i daren't </p>
<p>my poor Dad.. His Mum dies of cancer then within a couple of months his Wife and only sibling are both diagnosed with cancer also. </p>
<p>Will someone please tell me how i am supposed to get thru this.. how i am supposed to cope.. </p>
<p>i know i sound selfish, after all i havent got to fight this... i am not the one with cancer.. but cancer doesnt just attack and destroy the ones it attacks..... </p>
<p>god i wish someone would make this stop</p><div style="clear:both;"></div><img src="https://community.macmillan.org.uk/aggbug?PostID=340610&AppID=30471&AppType=Weblog&ContentType=0" width="1" height="1">Former Memberhttps://community.macmillan.org.uk/members/formermemberNanna...https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-blogs/b/just_need_somewhere_to_write/posts/nanna2010-02-13T19:58:05Z2010-02-13T19:58:05Z<p>Done know where to start.. dont even know if this is an appropriate place to write and i apologise if it isnt but i need somewhere other than facebook or similiar to vent, to offload my thoughts.. somewhere there is a good chance someone will understand ...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My beloved Nanna has bowel cancerl that has spread all round her abdomen we dont know exactly where or how far advanced it is as she has declined any tests or treatment so we have no idea what to expect... she is slowly fading away infront of us but still insists she just needs to build her strength up and then she will be fine.. i dont know if she believes that or is just saying that to try and cheer us all up. she is needing 24 hour care which the family is providing but its taking its toll on everyone.. she has lost control of her bowels now and is devastated every time she has an accident.. i dont mind cleaning her up but she is so ashamed that her grandaughter is having to do it.. what can i say? what can i do? how do i deal with everything... i cant.. i am going under and dont know who to turn to.. my family is all struggling also so there is no one to turn to there.. i try and stay strong infront of my son and husband so i dont upset them but i dont know how much longer i can.. as much as i love spending time with Nanna i hate it also.. i dread when its my turn to stay the night or even the day cos what if she passes away whilst i am there.. what then.. i couldnt cope with that...</p>
<p>i am sorry for rambling i hope no one minds and if this is n the wrong place please delete it with my apologies..</p><div style="clear:both;"></div><img src="https://community.macmillan.org.uk/aggbug?PostID=316157&AppID=30471&AppType=Weblog&ContentType=0" width="1" height="1">Former Memberhttps://community.macmillan.org.uk/members/formermember