Last Wednesday I finally had the bloody drain out. Did it hurt? Oh yes quite a bit but probably not much more than having a tooth pulled. The surgeon pretty much had to put his foot on the table to get enough welly to get it out. A tooth or a tough nose hair are the only things that I can compare it to. Luckily my husband had "helped" me by preparing me for a whole lot more pain. I had built it up so much that the actual thing was not too bad and over quite quickly. I was pleased to see the whole contraption chucked in the bin and I positively skipped to the car to go home. Looking in the mirror I was a bit surprised to find it still looked very much like I have the pipe in. The exercises were easier without tubes and bag and I finally felt like I was showering alone for the first time since my op. I did find myself strapping the bum bag on the next morning and then having to do an 80’s break away and push it one side. I the forgot my phone and left the house without my door keys. Hey bum bags are a good idea even if you don’t have to carry around bodily fluids.
The next afternoon I found that I was filling up with fluid. It almost looked like I had a breast again but not in a good way. In a watch the liquid slosh around your body sort of way. I felt so down and wondered why I had been in such a hurry (4 weeks) to get the drain out. I guess that in the past I would have been in hospital all that time. So on Friday I toddled back to the hospital and saw the surgeon again. I slept very little the night before and had dreams of huge needles etc. Having my chest (nearly wrote breast which is not really correct as not much there now) syringed actually not as bad as all that. Didn’t feel a thing but couldn’t look… a needle sucking blood from my body enough to make me gip I think. The doctor said that it didn’t hurt because the skin was still numb from the operation. I asked him when I would get feeling back,
“Oh,” he said, “never…” not sure I was expecting that.
I also asked why I still had the tube shape running round my body and was told it was the scar tissue that had grown around the tube and that too would be with me from now on. Attractive, at least I can't feel it.
My husband and I went to see the oncologist and she said that of course I needed more chemo… communication between surgeon and other oncologist not the best ever but I never really thought I would get off without more chemo. I felt quite lucky that I have to wait a week for the insurance to be sorted out before I can have my next session. I am not running away and have totally accepted the inevitable of another 3 months chemo and then 6 weeks radiotherapy. However, one week off feeling nearly normal is just what I need now. Plus I don't want to miss all the end of term parties.
So, I went back to work today and it was all fine. It was lovely to see everyone and my class were most excited to see my new hair growth (head not armpit). My colleagues were lovely and supportive although I had to fend off a few rather too enthusiastic hugs from people.
“No, no I’m fine, just don’t squeeze me too hard,” I winced. If you are well enough to be back at work people want you to actually be OK.
On the way home I went to see the doctor and he syringed me again… 30ml and £40 lighter I skipped home and collapsed in front of the television for a while. Then my mother in law and I went to my appointment with the chicken filet lady. She fitted me with a silicone mix filet and a triumph style over the shoulder boulder holder. Guess I will have to re-gift my draw full of lacy wonder bras. However, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been considering I was standing in my knickers in front of my husband’s mother while a deaf in one ear midget lady groped me. Not being of the well endowed kind I was quite surprised that I was what she called a size 3.
“There are people with sizes 1 and 2 who use these things?” I asked incredulously.
“Oh yes,” she reassured me, “you are not that small and you need to wear the prosthesis in order to equal the weight on your spine.”
Yeah right, she is running a business and there is no John Lewis in Mexico.
I have ordered 2 chicken filets and 2 boulder holders and 1 old lady swimsuit; without the little skirt. I stuck it all on my credit card and hope that I may see some of the 500 quid back from the insurance. Everything comes from Germany and I hate to think of how much fun the guys at customs have with each shipment. Hence a 2-week wait until I get to show off my new rack. Anyway even if not quite the retail therapy I usually have in mind it will be great to be able to wear a t-shirt again.
