Tarceva, a diary

2009-11-30T23:37:45Z

Diary of Tarceva

My Tom started taking them on 24^th November. I wrote very big instuctions.

DO NOT EAT FOR TWO HOURS UNTILL TAKEN TABLET, THEN AT LEAST DO NOT EAT FOR ONE HOUR AFTER,

BAD MISTAKE , I so thought he understood, NOT

My Tom started taking them 02.00, took 5 days to get them to 22.00, thinking the fatigue would be better served overnight, my Tom is so confused, dementia like, I have to explain dozens of times, what and when meds he has to take!!!!,

he told his daughter that I was calling him nasty names??????, I got a bit cross with him taking the meds at a silly hour, (I have to get up to make sure he has them, hence moving them to 22.00),

he now says he is scared of me, I really dont know why, I dont know where that came from, I idolize him, even though he is not my Tom anymore, he has always controlled my every move,action, friends, life etc, now he is childlike, I'm at the end of my rope with exhaustion

Saturday 28^th am, Tom had a fall, a bump on the head and grazed nose.

Sunday 29^th am, Tom had another fall, got a bruised arm, I have also noticed the start of a rash on his neck, so will start on the E45 cream. I have noticed that he also so much more tired. Thankfully his daughter came over so I could do a few chores, and a have a bath in peace.

Monday 30th Nov 09, got him a wheelchair a week ago, he gets so tired, even in supermarket, he squats down exhausted, staff flurry round him asking if he's ok, I know he's embarressed, but I cannot carry him, we are virtually housebound, I'm scared to leave him alone, in case he has another fall, he has refused help from Doc's, so I am alone, I dont know what to do.

He announced tonight that he now wants to be cremated, so he will be warm, and not eaten by worms, we had already bought a double plot at local cemetary recently so we would be together forever, so what do I do now, is it the pills??, or do I get him to change his will to state this?, is he compus mentis enough,

please someone, do anyone know or have an answer to this dilema.

Love to all carer's and sufferers of this evil

Jessie

despair

2009-11-17T11:32:45Z

I'm gonna waffle on for a bit

Am new to this, always been the tough one, after reading some of the posts I realised I should have done this sooner, I actually phoned the Samaritans during the night, I was so desperate to talk to someone and of course sob my heart out, I cant talk to friends or family, I have to be strong for them. I just feel so alone.

My Tom (69) has lung cancer, spread through chest wall, and "eaten" 3 ribs, its inoperable, the chemo was unsuccessfull, it nearly killed him, the radiotherapy helped for a while with the pain, but now its a battle to control the pain, I found out yesterday by speaking to GP myself that my Tom has been fudging the truth with him, and is not being very cooperative, so I've got the dosage increased, and I've now taken control of his meds,

I noticed before diagnosis that my Tom's memory, and his character was changing, I could not admit to anyone that he may be suffering with early stage dementia, now with the medication, the signs are so obvious, not only to me but to the family and close friends, I've tried talking to my Tom about it, without much success, he has enough to deal with, I think I will have to write to the GP to explain so he does not loose patience, skuse the pun.

I'm home now full time as his carer, I had to leave my job after 23 years, my employer would not support me b*******, even though my Tom worked at same place for 47 years untill they forced him to retire,

I dont know how much time my Tom has left, he was so positive when first diagnosed, he wanted to live, now we dont live, the intimacy has gone, we just exist day to day, the cancer is taking my man one bit of a time,

thanks for listening

Jessie's blog

Tarceva, a diary

despair