jennifer52

help!!!????

2011-07-11T14:06:56Z

hi everyone

ive finished my chemo about 4 weeks ago now but since a week past wednesday woke up and the tips of my fingers have been really tingling numbness and really sore i was on oxyplatin but after my scan following the last chemo they found small lesions on my liver had gone and larger ones had got decidedly smaller i am so pleased but now this thing in my fingers is so uncomfortable i just wondered if anyone can tell me whats going on is this normal or not???

im going to see my onc next monday but its really getting on my nerves now

take care everyone love and hugs jen xxxxx

a nigthmare !!!

2011-06-07T21:54:22Z

hi everyone sorry ive not been on here for ages but charger went down on laptop then went to see my mum whos 85 in scotland supposed to be for a week and ended up having to stay for two weeks as she really wasnt well and i ended up having to get her into hospital she just wasnt coping at all but stubborn as always wouldnt admit it so have just had a nightmare time all in i so hope everyone is fine and coping with all your treatments surgery etc while ive been gone and you are all still smiling cos you have to keep smiling guys no matter what take care have missed you all love and loads of hugs jen xxxx

off for now i think !!!!

2011-05-23T15:23:24Z

hi everyone just to say i will be offline for a wee while charger is broken for my lappy so dont worry im fine and im off to scotland to see my wee mum who is 85 and has in need of my help right now lol!!! well maybe im in need of help right now if i make it on the long journey to scotland by bus the train wanted an arm and a leg to get there so bus it is now remembering im sick probably have a right dose of the trots before i get there many times because of the chemo last week so im praying thursday night will go without any hitches....... knowing me i just cant imagine that will happen oh well armed with all the anti sickness etc etc tabs in my bag i will be at the Victoria bus station on Thursday night and in Glasgow by 7am come hell or high water lol!!! My poor Ron having to accompany me but i will get there !!!!!

Now wishing everyone who is having surgery this week ...chemo ....rt and anything else pertaining to this s....y disease i so wish you all good luck take care and in the words of the terminator i will return looooooooooool!!!!! Take care stay strong and positive and if you see a wee forlorn person standing at the side of the motorway cafe somewhere along the M6 please stop it will be me having been thrown off the bus .....so not funny really but you so have to laugh keep smiling everyone love and hugs always jen xxxxx

chemo finished for now!!!

2011-05-19T21:25:02Z

hi everyone

just had my last chemo today met some lovely positive people in my room so now have to wait for the scan on the 6th june to find out if its reducing the little beggars asked the onc what happens next .......just because you so need to know but dont really want to know at the same time .......he wasnt very forthcoming cos i knew exactly what he was going to say if its reduced then we dont need to see you for 6 to 8 weeks if not back to the drawing board more chemo rt .....ah such is life so im not going to think about the what ifs till after the scan then i will be a nervous wreck till i walk through his door yet again but you know i have no place for cancer in my life havent got time for all this!!!

i dont particularly like my oncologist he has no sense of humour whatsoever im sure he thinks im totally crazy when i asked him if the bed i was lying on was for people under 5 ft cos i couldnt even straighten my legs he looked at me with a look of dispair and said yes i think so and didnt even break a smile then proceeded to give me a prescription for anti acid tabs which on reading the side effects stated liver problems white cell and red cell reductions diahhrreah sickness yellowing of the skin tone shall i go on????

i have liver cancer and im on chemo have already got sickness could possibly turn yellow over night of my own accord without the tabs heart palpitations shall i go on so guess mr oncologist person i threw them in the bin as i so dont need any more side effects than i already have!!!.......... dont you people ever read anything on the computer whatsoever ???!!!!

so guys roll on the scan will try to see dr slater next time as she is wonderful if not i will appear with a placard stating i do not want to see some registrar onc i want to see the top woman and i wll stage a sit in tll i do from now on no monkey for me from now on the organ grinder or nothing and as for the little demon cells in my liver they can go take the biggest hike ever !!! aint got time for you in my life!!!!

to everyone out there in macland stay strong thanks for all your support love and hugs jen xxxxx

my little support machine did it !!!!

2011-05-08T19:45:28Z

hi everyone just a little update to say my ronay ran the race for life yesterday it was so emotional and i felt everyone there was running for all of us i just burst into floods of tears when we were waiting at the finishing line im so proud of her and now im determined im going to do it as well next year and hopefully will be well enough to do the midnight walk in october as well so would be glad to know if anyone else would be willing to do it with me id be so glad to meet you all there unfortunately id be in for the london one running from the 02 so come on people in and around london the more the merrier and what a great cause to raise money for cancer research to help us find a cure for this once and for all love and hugs jen xxxxx

race for life im so proud of my girl!!!!

2011-05-06T21:51:43Z

hi everyone

just had to write this blog tonight because my wonderful little support machine my daughter Ronay is running in tomorrows Race For Life at the O2 in London to say im the proudest mum ever is an understatement and i will be with her all the way believe me as she has been here for me....... at every appointment every scan...... every chemo .....every down day .....every up day .....we have laughed and cried she has shaved my hair off .... told me "Mum what you crying for " and sorted me out back to positivity she is a little 5ft 1 ins of wonder....... will be 21 in january and looks 14 (lucky her although she doesnt think so lol) so i know everyone on here will be wishing my Ronay and all the rest of the wonderful girls who are taking time to take partin the Race For life all the best of luck for tomorrow we are all so proud of everyone of you !!!!!! go girls!!!!!!

love and hugs to everyone in macland jen xxxxx

just remembering!!!

2011-04-25T09:32:08Z

well just realised i had never put any pics onto my profile so i decided to go ahead and eventually do it think i was putting off finding out exactly what i looked like just last year before i was diagnosed funny how different you become from the laughing happy person you were to the image i now see in front of the mirror not that im unhappy with me just such a different person looking back but you know i am a completely different person i see things now from a different point of view im stronger than i ever was and more determined and you know what im proud of myself for being who i am today!!!

yes ive always been or so i thought a strong woman bringing up my children on my own hasnt been easy but im so proud of them too for turning into the best young people i know of course we have our days when things arent right we have our tiffs and our little petty arguments but now it doesnt seem to matter every day is a lovely day even when im having the nasty side effects from chemo i wake up and its a good day doesnt matter if it rains i will walk in it and the sunshine is such a bonus whats in front of me tomorrow i dont know i do know whatever it is i will face it and be the strong person ive become cos life isnt a bowl of cherries guys think i got the bowl of stones sometimes but come hell or high water i will not give in to this because i have the most wonderful children in the world who need me and i so need them love them so much!!

to everyone on here stay strong keep smiling and never give up because every minute of every day is for living so chin up everyone friends on here are for life im so pleased to be your friend you have guided me through the bad times the scary times and the happy times without you i wouldnt have been able to cope without you all and you know what i did yesterday i met a lovely man selling the big issue we had such a nice chat about everything so yes life is lovely and im going to be about for a hell of a lot longer to enjoy it believe me so im kicking cancer up its big fat ass can go take a hike no room for it in my life chin up everyone today is another beautiful day !!!! oh and it wont be long till i get my lovely blonde hair back once more cant wait !!!!

love and hugs jen xxxxxxx

no explanation !!!

2011-04-03T12:40:56Z

today i should be happy its Mothers Day i got the loveliest presents from my kids lovely card flowers chocs and a beautiful laser light and all ive done since i got up is cry at every turn how can i be so sad when ive got the best kids in the world and all i can think about is not being here for them its not like me at all im usually so determined strong and a fighter maybe its the chemo getting me down have been so sick with it today but i dont want to be sick today i want to be well and not ill all the time i want to be able to go back to being normal me with no bloody thoughts of chemo and illness amd looking at my reflection in the mirror and not recognising the person looking back that isnt me at all !!!

i know i need a good kick up the backside but just had to get this horrid self pitying feeling out of me because im so fed up of it im crying again and even my eyes hurt sorry everyone il be back to normal tomorrow hopefully life sure sucks sometimes !!!!!

love to everyone sorry im such a miserable sod today of all days

love and hugs jen xxxx

4th chemo over !!!!

2011-03-31T18:05:33Z

hi everyone

well 4th chemo done and im home again was so dreading it after being given a two week break and to be honest if i could have run miles away this morning i probably would have but i didnt because i know that it has to be done so off i went........... felt like a good cry as i sat getting the cannular in because i so didnt want to go through the side effects again after feeling 99% like me for a few weeks (was so lovely apart from a few niggly pains)

anyway im sitting here on my laptop desperately trying not to feel the pain in my arm and the funny sensation in my feet know that tomorrow i will be much worse feeling the cold in my legs and the cramps and numbness and my hands unable to tolerate even touching my door handles cos they are chrome and no sleep for the next few nights oh and of course the dreaded nausea which hopefully might pass me by this time please god !!!!

but you know im so lucky i moan yes and groan yes but there are others who are much worse and in more pain so im going to try and stay positive and be strong and get through this best i can and go about my normal day looking after my family cos thats what i do best!!!

i was thinking about pauline jan kim when i was in there who all were doing the exact same today and everyone else who was having ops and chemo and radiotherapy and wondering how everyone was feeling hopefully all well and wondering why us........ but we are special people we are fighters and will get through it because tomorrow is another day and the next and the next so chins up everyone ......if im up at 3 in the morning i will get on here and do another blog and if im not........ well woopeee what a wonderful nights sleep i will be having......... chemo is a b ......d but hope this b.....d helps us all.......... we can do it !!!!!

take care everyone keep well and positive thoughts and thanks for all the support you have given me so appreciate it!!!!

love and hugs jen xxxxx

painted face!!!

2011-03-13T21:01:04Z

waiting for my mid chemo scan results tomorrow at 2.30......... funny how you always remember the exact time you have to be there when normally i cant usually remember and have to look it up but tomorrow is so important it is to tell me if the chemo has done what its supposed to have done and im literally crapping myself.....for want of a better word sorry guys but thats how im feeling

im feeling sorry for myself today damn this feeling but i could burst into tears at the drop of a hat and its not like me !!! i guess its my own fault really i put on this brave painted face and im alright jack attitude to everyone in here because i dont want them to worry about me but its back firing big time because they dont realise how unwell im really feeling

is it wrong to try and save them from reality or should i just tell them how ill i really do feel when i so dont want them to have to !!! they arent kids youngest is 16 but i want them to be normal and act normal and have a normal life i dont want people to look at them and think poor souls their mum has cancer and put them into a category when i know i have lost many FRIENDS because of this bloody cancer id be as well having bloody leprosy or is cancer just the 20th century name for leprosy!!!

since i have been diagnosed with it seems that im one to be avoided as everyone makes sure they dont tx come round and even avoid talking to me in shops or the street and makes it so blatantly obvious........oh well i feel like screaming "i havent changed im still the same person and you cant catch it off me just by talking to me" so for now i will try and just get on with my life ripped apart with this awful thing thats ended up on our doorstep and wait for my results tomorrow

my 4th chemo on wednesday and im dreading that as well cos no3 was awful side effects wise....... but i will go there and get it over with and plod on and spray my face on every morning i get up which will say "hey everyone im fine "but only you know im not ,,,,,,,my friends on here who have been on the same journey and walked the same path ......thank you because i know you understand this blog more than any .................im a fighter and i wont let this beat me just a moment of weakness.......take care everyone love and hugs jen xxxxx

just a few questions!!!

2011-03-06T18:24:35Z

hi guys

as you probably know have had the last few days since my chemo well 12 actually feeling rough so i was wondering if anyone else had the following symptoms

as i am on oxyplatin intravenous and capecetabine tablets this time the tingling and coldness and numbness in the lower half of my legs and feet have been so unbearable no matter what i did just couldnt get rid of it did try hot water bottle on them rubbing them socks everything it has only now eased off a good bit but has lasted ten days ....on previous sessions of chemo it was only the tingling and slight numbness i have felt but funnily enough the extreme cold has got to my fingers worse this time as well and i so couldnt get warm at all

just wondered if anyone else had experienced it to this degree and have any tips for me if it happens again though i will mention it to my onc when i see her next week

thanks everyone love jenxxxx

moaning minnie here again!!!

2011-03-05T11:24:11Z

hi everyone!!!

well here i am again guys i have since my last chemo turned into a complete moaning minnie because i have had the last ten days feeling like absolute crap!!! i do know that some of my friends on here have said that as you go through it every session you can have more severe symptoms well mine sure came from the depths and bit me right on my arse bigtime this last time to the point im so dreading no 4!!

now anyone who does know me knows im very partial to my food and YES ive been off my food..... felt hungry and couldnt eat even a quarter of it .....tastes like im eating the dregs of the black bin outside my front gate (not may i add have i ever eaten anything out of the bottom of my black bin) but you get my drift !!!!

did manage to eat half a pink grapefruit which seemed like heaven but apart from that have really tried to eat something with no avail!!!! oh and my daughter bought chips and curry sauce the other day which tasted like heaven well all 6 of them i managed to get down then as if by some trigger object in my brain down came the shutter to tell me im feeling queezy yet again!!!!

they havent invented tablets as far as i know that actually helps with this bloody sickness for me as yet so would the scientists get a bloody move on perhaps they could work a double shift just with me in mind bless them would be so grateful !!!!

anyway im cooking stew tonight for my lot it looks so lovely and im just hoping beyond hope i might manage a tiny plateful of it....... we will see oh and guess what i havent lost any weight well dont think i have damn it trust me eh ???!!!!

tomorrow is another day im hoping against hope i might jump (ye right) out of my bed full of the joys of spring...... if we ever get any ....and look forward to a hearty fry up bacon sausage tomatoes fried bread fried eggs beans n toast.....ahhhhh!!! bliss!!! wish me luck guys !!!!

everyone have a good weekend

love and hugs( moaning minnie) AKA jen xxxx

dont waste a second!!!

2011-02-28T11:01:42Z

just sitting here on my laptop and different thoughts going through my head ........funny old life aint it.......and how it can all change in a heartbeat!!!!

this time last year i was looking forward to going on holiday to turkey head full of what i had to buy clothes wise etc etc you know the kind of things just every day life as a single parent my whole life was circled round juggling the finances and making sure my kids were ok and working part time!!!!

nowadays is so different my whole life is circled round me being ill!!!

im always conscious about my next chemo looming up i have never been ill in my life yes suffered the normal colds flus but always battled on through it and then wham this!!!

so what i am really trying to say to everyone is never leave things till tomorrow dont put off going to the doctor even if you feel youre troubling them for something minute!!! i went into hospital with what i thought was the flu turned out i had septaecemia (where i got that god only knows) but i was very ill and a routine scan picked up the secondaries on my liver !!!????

without being in hospital id have soldiered on disregarding the usual aches and pains and putting them down to getting older now i know that the dull ache under my ribs every so often wasnt just that so im one of the lucky ones who was diagnosed earlier rather than later you know your own body so if it doesnt feel right deal with it keep on at the docs till he sends you for further tests and never take no for an answer

life is precious every single second of it so live life to the full!!!

sorry for being so miserable today think im longing for the sunshine makes you feel so much more alive so think i will walk up to the churchyard the snowdrops and crocus are all out and its so lovely just a pure carpet of yellow purple and white everywhere makes you realise your lucky to be here and i intend to for a very long time may i add!!!

love and hugs to everyone hope you all have a great day !!!!

jenxxx

just ridiculous!!!

2011-02-27T13:38:08Z

well ive been feeling so sick these last few days yesterday couldnt eat anything and couldnt even drink much or get my tablets down so was forced to phone the chemo number they gave..... unavailable..... so phoned one of the chemo wards at barts..... doctor phoned me back about half hour later to say that she wasnt allowed to give me a prescription for stronger anti sickness and the ward wasnt allowed to give me any either even though i was willing to go up there which is two bus journeys there and back( how id make it god knows but there wasnt an alternative or so i thought even though im feeling so ill ) anyway told me i had to phone my out of hours doctor ...did that and he phoned me back to say i had to go to the walk in centre at the london hospital where he would leave me a prescription for wait for it!!!!!! 2 yes 2 tablets which will tide me over till tomorrow and then i have to go to my own gp to get a prescription for stronger anti sickness tabs is it me or do they do it on purpose heres me feeling like crap havent been able to eat since friday and ive got all this to contend with what is the point of giving me a phone number telling me if youre not feeling well out of hours phone the 24/7 chemo line just hope its never something serious i have to phone them up about thats all i can say!!!!!! Raging isnt the word wait till i get onto my chemo nurse tomorrow !!!!

life can be so strange !!!

2011-02-22T15:42:02Z

yesterday when i was sitting in the waiting room patiently awaiting the call out of my name to be ushered in to see my onc before my next chemo tomorrow i couldnt help but notice the lady sitting across from me .....its funny how you notice the slightest things about people it was obvious that shed lost all her hair like myself and she had the loveliest turban on ...after about twenty minutes she caught my eye and i smiled and for the next hour we chatted like old friends by the time her name was called i knew where she lived how many children she had and what she was suffering from bless her and she told me how scared she was of the coming op to remove her stomach my heart went out to her and i thought i wonder if she has told her family just how scared she was i so doubted it !!!! i found myself taking her hand and reassuring her it was for the best and she would be fine her son who was in his 40s just sat opposite us and looked bored not even the slightest interaction or acknowledging the fact his mum was in bits and telling a complete stranger how scared she was perhaps its a reminder to us all that we all need someone to talk to and we all on here have a special bond which makes us so lucky to have these special people on here who i need so much through my own journey with this dreaded disease and who understand just how im feeling with every step of the way thanks guys

love and hugs jen xxxx