Unreasonably upset when Medics call me "his girlfriend"!

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

10 Oct 2010

Why does this happen? Probably because I am 45 and my beloved partner P is 54. We have been together for a wonderful 25 years and never married because we didn't think we could love each other any more if we had a licence. It never bothered me before, not being married, I would just introduce P as my partner. Yet now in hospitals when I am with him, nurses, Docs as they draw the curtains round the bed, look at me and say "Are you his wife?" and I say no and feel like they think I'm shouldn't be there but a wife should. The other day waiting for the consultant a nice lady sitting opposite said "Are you his girlfriend?" and made me feel about 12 years old. I said "Yes, but we've been together 25 years" I feel like I have to justify it somehow. Not their fault of course, I am not his wife and that is our choice.

On a more sinister note, of course legally/medically I am not his next of kin, though I think in hosp he put me down as that, but I'm not sure what weight it carries.

Sorry, this has come out a bit like a rant, and as I say, my choice, but wonder if any one else has experienced this sudden inadequacy in the face of cancer?

FormerMember over 14 years ago

Medics do have a habit of getting things wrong. I am listed as my husband G's next of kin, but the relationship is not recorded. As long as they don't think I'm his mother....,
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Have you spoken to someone about your legal relationship. Unmarried I think you will find that you have little or no right to say anything about his treatment unless you have a Power of Attorney stating his wishes. You will not be entitled to any pension based on his contributions. Also if he has not made a will in your favour this can cut you out too. It needs consideration. Remember if you do not have joint accounts and he becomes incapable of operating them you cannot do this unless you are a signatory on the account.

Hugs

Jan x
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi Hope,

Sorry to hear things are getting to you a bit, you already have enough to contend with. Your original style of introduction, that he is your partner is great normally and in any social situation, But as Jan has said when it comes to legal positions sadly you have little or no rights.

I am certainly not trying to make the future seem bleak but for both of your peace of minds please at least consider fomalising you arrangement to make sure that P's wishes are safeguarded - after 25 years ther is no way he would like you to be in a vunerable situation.

I really do hope his his progress continues. Its not too important what they call you - the important thing is what P calls you !!

hugs mate

John x
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Thanks all. Jan and John, of course you are both right. We are sorted on wills which we did years ago, but not Power of Attorney which we might need to do. I should do one as well, I guess, as to financial management of separate accounts and medical wishes.

Many thanks, we are doing ok at the moment, apart from P's awful lip and mouth sores.

Cheers!

Hope x.
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi Hope,

All your questions above have been answered for you. Just one bit of advice in my opinion.Make sure you have Power of Attorney that way you will have all the bases covered.All the best and Good Luck.

Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xx
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