HelenMW

A Fond Farewell

2010-06-23T17:13:46Z

I haven't visited the community for ages. This is because since 22 May I was back and forth to the oncology ward at York Hospital - that is until 4 June.

Keith had to go in for pain control; the palliative care team were really good, and after trial & error managed to find a suitable cocktail of drugs administered by syringe driver into the abdomen. Around 30 May he began to vomit brown gunge - so they put a drain down his nose and into his stomach. At least that stopped the vomiting.

Dr Last had told me "every weekend is precious" when I asked about sons visiting from 200 miles away. Both sons dropped everything and came up together with partners. They took time off work, unpaid leave, holiday entitlement etc. Because Keith was on his own in a side room on thje ward, we were able to carry out all his personal care. He was never left alone - always one or two family members with him on a sort of rota basis. (34 mile round trip to the hospital from home.) It was a very precious time for all of us - giving & receiving love and tender words.

We asked Dr Yusuf (a truly lovely, gentle man) on the palliative care team if we might be able to take Keith home with help etc - we didn't want him to die in hospital. Dr Yusuf couldn't guarantee completely effective pain control at home - but he did suggest St Leonard's Hospice in York. Keith had a bed booked for the following day.

It was a great relief to be in such tranquil surroundings, and we left Keith's personal care to the staff - they were so experienced, and always on hand. Keith seemed to relax one we were there. He could no longer speak, but he could hear us. The next day when nurses came to change his position, we said Keith's breathing had changed - and when they looked closely they decided to leave him as he was, and told us gently it would not be long before he went.

My lovely husband of almost 50 years died peacefully with all his family round him on 5 June. It was not morbid - .just a passing on. He was ready to go, and we were so glad he was in a quiet beautiful place at the end. We are so thankful he did not suffer towards the end - and now he has gone to be with his Maker. I mourn, my family mourns, but we know this was just right for Keith.

Thank you community for being availabl for me to release my thoughts. Helen

Emotions about terminal cancer

2010-05-27T11:18:18Z

It is a release to be able to put into writing what has been happening recently.

Keith had his scan 2 weeks ago, and has been in a lot more pain since then. We had to call out the duty doctor last week on Friday night because his pain control medication was not adequate. I felt so helpless not being able to do anything except be there for him. He was admitted to hospital and as he hadn't been able to eat they put him on a hydrating drip, then a catheter.

All sorts of pain relievers were given, then thankfully he was moved onto the oncology ward on Monday evening. They have a really good pain mangement team, so he is able to have something stronger than morphine every 12 hours.

We saw Dr Last for the scan results in the ward quiet room yesterday afternoon. We had been prepared for bad news by all sorts of remarks made by various staff, also the fact that his assigned colorectal nurse was swapped for a gastric-type nurse but we had not been given any formal information.

We learned that the 2 tumours removed from his small & large bowel were in fact secondaries - everything started in his stomach. He needs building up in strength before they will consider chemo (a 9 week course.) but they are giving him steroids to help with appetite etc.

We understand that this is terminal, and that the chemo may not work. All I want is for him not to suffer pain - so to my reilef they are going to ensure he is on the right cocktail of pain relief before he comes home - and brilliantly he will be referred for a Macmillan nurse to oversee things at home.

Although in my heart I knew things were bad I can't seem to stop crying at nothing now - I don't even know what sets me off. Our 2 sons have been wonderful, but both live in the south & we are in North Yorkshire. Friends here have been so kind and supportive - everyone at our church is praying for us to have strength & peace, and there have been so many offers of help it has been quite ovewhelming.

One good thing - I have had almost 50 years of married life with Keith - not all roses - he is such a stubborn man! but I love him to bits. So many of our early friends were divorced or separated & I know we are fortunate in still being together after all this time.

After the consultation with Dr Last yesteray we had half an hour to ourselves in the quiet room and were able to have a bit of a chat, a bit of a weep. and were comforted to be able to pray together and remember the promises from the Bible in Psalm 16 - anyone who is (or isn't) a Christian believer can look it up - it is so helpful to know that whatever happens we remain in God's hands.

Thats it for now - Helen

Watching someone fade before your eyes

2010-05-12T11:31:14Z

This is mostly about my experience of seeing my husband of nearly 50 years who was a big active man start to diminish because of bowel cancer.

We were so thankful when he had a life-threatening bowel obstruction operated on under emergency conditions even though were were in North Cyprus on holiday at the time. The obstrution (2 cancerous tumours) was removed plus 13 lymph nodes, with a bowel resection. Fortunately he didn't need a colostomy bag as the obstruction was higher up in the bowel.

He seemed to recover well after the surgery - remarkably so as he had an abdominal aortic aneurism repaired using the same incision as the bowel surgery. We managed to get home OK - with help from both lovely sons.

Keith saw an oncologist last week, and was told he needed 6-8 weeks wait after 2 big ops before starting chemo. Also Dr Last says he is not fit enough for chemo yet. He needs to build up his strength and stamina, so high energy/high protein drinks have been prescribed.

But he is so tired, has real difficulty in eating much - and then only small portions. He finds the drinks rather unpleasant and has only manage one a day so far when he should be having two!. He has discomfort in his upper abdomen most of the time, which gets relieved a bit if he manages to go to the loo. He spends most of his time sitting in the chair or lying on the bed - which is his most comfortable position.

Also Dr Last is not quite sure yet exactly what type of cancer Keith has. The doctor has had to work with reports translated from Turkish, and with tissue samples which we brought home with us. I'm hoping one of his team may have managed to speak to the surgeon who performed the op on the bowel as that very kind man (who speaks excellent English) gave us his mobile phone number which I have now passed on to Dr Last's team. We don't have any of the scan results taken prior to the op - these are in Cyprus. We don't know if the canceer has spread elsewhere, but Dr Last suspects it may have done, as he told us that if it has spread there is no sure cure.

Keith vomited twice yesterday - a bad sign I think. He left a message for his assigned nurse to call back, as we don't quite know what to do next. Our GP has not been the most helpful of people as yet, so we don't want to approach him unnecessarily. Keith has a furthe appointment with DR Last in 2 weeks, and he is waiting for an appointment for a full body scan which we assume will happen before he sees Dr Last.

Thank God for supportive family and friends. But this is one way I can say things to ease some of the tension which really comes from not knowing what to expect.