hayleymcbayley's blog

First me, then my cat, now my Nan. What next cancer?!?!?!

2009-10-06T21:50:02Z

Earlier on today, my Nan was diagnosed with womb cancer.

I knew that it was a possibility but after me having cancer, I didn't really think that it would happen to anyone else in my family. I don't think that it's hit me yet really, it's weird. It brings back a lot of memories of the time I was diagnosed, Nan came over and handed me the ring binder (which is the exact same colour, size. etc as I got given) and I opened it to see the name of her oncologist. Dr T- my oncologist! Weird. But anyway, I absolutely loved my oncologist and I know that my Nan will be in good hands.
My Nan told her Doctor about me having cancer and apparently everyone in the room knew who I was, apparently I was the talk of the hospital for a while. Guess that's what you get for being an 18 year old with larynx cancer! lol

The first step for my Nan is a hysterectomy. Hopefully, the cancer hasn't spread anywhere but we will find out soon. She'll be having an MRI scan asap and I guess they'll do the staging/grading after they remove everything and can do more biopsies. My Nan is 72 and has COPD and I just hope to God that she an have a hysterectomy and that's it. No chemo, no radio.

I don't know, it's just weird. I've been in my Nan's position and it's weird looking in from the outside. I guess it's good that I know the medical terms, I know about the stages/grades but then at the same time maybe it's not so good because I do really know about everything.

I got through it, my Nan is an amazingly strong woman so she can too. I really hope she can, my Nan is my hero, my best friend and the worlds best Grandmother. I love her to absolute pieces and can't imagine what it would be like without her.

Anyway, there's my update. I hate cancer :( (Who doesn't?)

Hayley x

P.S Found out the other week that my cat has cancer too, he had it removed and now it's growing back again. They said he can't be cured.

20

2009-07-13T15:51:45Z

I haven't wrote a blog post for ages....have a feeling this will be a long one lol. Everything with me cancer wise is fine, I am still having regular check ups (every 8 weeks) and when I went last week my consultant said my left vocal chord still has some swelling there but he's pretty sure that it's scar tissue, which has replaced the healthy tissue that was there before the tumour grew. I went for an ECG earlier today as my heart seems to do some crazy stuff every now and then, one of the chemo drugs I had is known for heart damage so they just want to check it's not because of that. I think it was pretty pointless just having a 2 minute one as I told everyone that it doesn't happen all the time, just a few times a day (but never at the same time) but hey ho! We'll see what my Doctor says when she gets the results...they probably think I'm faking it!! lol I finished speech therapy in December and my voice is still husky but it probably always will be. I still can't shout or sing (boo!) but I'm used to it now and I have noticed how I don't worry what people think (as much) anymore. I still can't deal with phone calls, my voice just sounds worse over the phone and it makes me cringe lol. Anyway, I am going back to see my speech therapist on Friday because I've noticed how I'm struggling to say certain words, it gets REALLY frustrating. If I'm outside, hardly anyone can hear me and if I am REALLY trying to get some power behind my voice, it really hurts and I end up paying for it for the rest of the day (with an even quieter voice than normal) - the words I am struggling to say are words like 'taxi' and 'Pete', when I say them it sounds like I'm saying 'axi' and 'te' so people don't get what I'm saying. Then when I try and say the word again, I get flustered and just give up lol. The burn marks (from radiotherapy) on my neck are still there, but not as noticeable as they used to be. Sometimes you can see them, but it depends what colour top I'm wearing! My hair is LONG. Well, it's about to my shoulders...I love it....it does annoy me sometimes because it's still curly so going out with it un-straightened is a NO GO. I still haven't had my 'first' hair cut - luckily it has grown back pretty even and has kind of gone in to a style that doesn't look so bad, I just keep trying to get it a tiny bit longer but now I can feel myself wanting it cut. I feel comfortable with this length and I don't think that I will grow it as long as it was before I lost it (it was really, really long), people say this suits me so I'll stick with this for the time being. I can be adventurous anyway, before I just stuck to the same style but now I'd like to change styles. I am now 15 months (and 2 days) post treatment, not that I'm counting or anything! I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety which I am pretty sure is just a (very) delayed reaction to everything that has happened. I felt quite let down by the Hospital because I was just 'dropped' after my last radiotherapy session. I was offered counselling before I started treatment but (at the time) I was fine and said no thanks, I feel they should have offered it to me again....I don't know, maybe I should have asked? Anyway,I have been to counselling (not arranged through the Hospital or anything) and and now seeing a psychologist (great) as I'm trying everything possible to avoid antidepressants. I'm also on tablets to control the physical side of anxiety so we'll see how it goes. I was at a really bad low a few weeks ago, I couldn't even get dressed because I was so fed up. I also didn't go out of the house for weeks but now I am trying to go out every day (even if it's just to the shop to get some milk) - onwards and upwards from here hopefully :) August 21st is my '1 year in remission' anniversary, I am hoping to have a big party but at the same time I am scared I'll jinx myself, lol. I still worry a lot about what the future might (key word: MIGHT) hold but I guess this is natural and I just have to take things one day at a time, that's my motto. Tomorrow is my 20th Birthday - feels weird. I will no longer be a teen. I was 18 when I was diagnosed so it feels like I have changed A LOT since then, I don't even feel like the same person any more. It's a very strange feeling. Ok, I'm off now because I have blabbered on a bit too much. Typical me!! Lots of love Hayley x

One day at a time - Mel's story

2009-05-15T16:49:22Z

I met Mel on the macmillan share forums in 2007. Sadly, she passed away on 11th May 2008 from non-hodgkins lymphoma. I never got to meet Mel in person but we used to chat online until the early hours talking about food mainly (thank you steroids, haha), she was the first person to recommend lots of good head wear to me! Anyway, Mel wrote an online blog while she was was going through her treatment, her Dad (Ian) also had an online blog, called One Day At A Time. Mel and her Dad said that once she was better, they wanted to write a book so other people could read about her journey. Sadly, Mel didn't get better but her Dad has now published a book which also includes the entries on their blogs. A good portion of the money received will be split and given to the hospital where Mel was treated and the Lymphoma Association. On Ian's website ( http://www.mad4mel.co.uk ) he wrote "After Mel had passed away, I decided to use our respective blogs and write Mel's story. My one concern was that with the story having the saddest of endings, I didn't want to scare people. Seventy-five per cent of people in Mel's situation do recover and that has to be remembered. In writing Mel's story I want to convey her bravery and courage whilst at the same time be informative about how you deal with life when you're given this awful news. The help that is available from charitable organisations. The help that isn't available from the government, if, like Mel, you're a student. How do you cope with the waiting, the watching, the good news and the bad. I also want to put across how we, as parents, dealt with (and continue to deal with) these life changing events." If you would like to purchase a copy of the book, there are more details on Ian's website. Hayley **Sleep tight Mel, missing you xxx**

Chemo Angels

2009-05-05T13:33:16Z

Hi there, I just want to tell you all about a volunteer organisation called Chemo Angels. Basically, you sign up (if you are having treatment) and you get assigned a chemo angel and they send you little cards, notes and sometimes gifts to cheer you up. Every week I would get a card (and sometimes a gift) from my chemo angel. It really, really did cheer me up and it gave me something to look forward to. My chemo angel always gave me words of encouragement and she would tell me all about her travels (she travels around the world with her job) I 'graduated' from chemo angels about a month after I finished treatment and for the last gift I got was a big package. When signing up, I filled out the form and was asked to write down if I collect anything (I collect shot glasses) and I opened the parcel and my chemo angel had got me 7 shot glasses, each from a different country around the world. Inside each shot glass there was a piece of paper and she'd wrote down where she got them from and told me a little story about what she did while she was in that country. I was so touched that she'd done that for me. I have kept everything that she sent me, sometimes she would send me a chocolate bar or a little magnet with an inspirational quote on it. Everything she sent me was so thoughtful. On St Patricks Day I got a parcel from her and it had a green feather boa, funny glasses in it and lots of little funny St Patricks day related gifts! Anyway, I thought I would put the link in this blog just in case any of you fancy having a chemo angel. I really would recommend having one - mine certainly helped me through some really tough times. There's loads more information on the website, here's the link: http://www.chemoangels.net/ Hayley