I am enjoying my freedom now treatment has finished. Yesterday I rejoined my yoga class after an absence of 6 months. To quote from the ‘Macmillan’ TV advert, yesterday was ‘not all about cancer’. Today I shall meet friends for coffee and a chat. On Sunday my friend and I are taking a trip to an animal sanctuary to get a little bunny as a companion to my dear Google bunny. Both Google and I are very excited.
I am trying to take each day as it comes and no think of the tests in 3 months time. I intend to go away for the weekend next month and my brother will care for my bunnies. Believe it or not I have never had any kind of holiday in adulthood. 1982 was my last holiday, Scotland with my mum and brother. Anorexia nervosa limited my capacity to lead any kind of normal life for so many years.
So now I have a hell of a lot of living to do if I am not to end my days feeling I have experienced nothing of the wonders of this beautiful world. I cannot continue to put things off, to be too afraid to try anything new. So the first thing is a weekend away. I have found a little bed and breakfast place in Newquay, checked the train arrangements and worked out that I can well afford it. I have checked with my brother that he can have the bunnies that weekend and it is only in 3 weeks time so no time to get cold feet. I have never been to Devon or Cornwall and I believe it is beautiful. I want to paddle in the sea, to stand on cliff tops and to smell the ozone. I want to go alone so my enjoyment will not be spoiled by my severe social-phobia which I have suffered from as long as I can remember. That has been as limiting as the anorexia, if not more so. My family have always considered me to be such an embarrassing skeleton in the closet so I am always excluded from family occasions, even weddings, funerals, christenings. I always spend Christmas alone as my family make every excuse under the sun as to why they are unable to accommodate me. My brother lives 1 mile away but I see him about once a year. I have not seen my 2 nieces for 2 years now.
