gamegard

Counts climbing

2010-02-09T15:02:36Z

Well had my quarterly visit to Western and an older BCR-ABL test came back, the counts are doubling every 3 months. She raised concerns and had more tests done. Got a letter in the post, bcr-abl counts on the rise. How strange is that, having been on glivac for 7 years, and a higher dose over the last 2 years, surely it should come down? Had major panic and imagined all sorts of horrors, and bizarrely started with all sorts of unusual side effects, including a rather large tummy, I look pregnant. Thankfully am seeing doc this thursday for a check up, fingers crossed she sends me home with more knowledge and an alternative!

Some scary news

2010-01-18T16:52:45Z

Been offline for a while, had my ups and downs and needed loads of sleep.

I have just been to visit my folks back in SA which was really great, was feeling better than I had in months. Same week I returned I had a appointment at Haematology. My BCR-ABL seems to be slowly on the rise. All my specialist said was that we may have to change treatment.

24 hours later I was in a spin, have read far too many research updates and possibilities, i do not actually know what the options are after Glivac, but hell was I scared. Did not want to freak my Mum out, so tried to keep cool and casual. But the idea of being alone and having to 'deal' with all of this is freaking me out.

Being the control freak that I am, I have got to maintain this strong exterior and have decided wisely/ not wisely not to say anything to my friends here, instead have confided in my friends abroad, which is seriousy silly, but as I have no idea what on earth is happening I really do not want to bother anyone needlessly.

Just wish I knew exactly what lies ahead, my siblings are not a match so what happens if I need a tansplant??

Scared and confused.

Thursday drich and dreary

2009-10-15T13:33:14Z

Thank-you for the kind support and cyber hugs, I really needed it. Saw the GP last night purely for a BP test. Broke down in tears and begged for time off work. He very kindly gave me a flu jab, upped my anti-depressants and booked me off till Monday.

Must say staying in bed till midday was bliss, had to get up to fetch the two doggies I am looking after for the next few days. Let's hope they understand my lack of energy and malaise.

Work seems pretty understanding, am checking work mail, can't seem to relax, constant feeling of guilt at being off.

Thankfully its greay and drizzling so bed is the best place to be.

Is this just self pity?

2009-10-14T10:02:31Z

I am so tired again, all I can think about is climbing back into bed. I am sore and uncomfortable, or am I simply just feeling sorry for myself. I just can't pick myself up and am feeling pretty lonely as there is no one to hold me close and tell me it's gonna be okay...