4 weeks on.....

2011-03-31T14:45:08Z

Tomorrow will be the 4 week anniversary of my dad passing away. I don’t even know if the word anniversary is appropriate because to me, that’s a word for happy celebrations. The past 4 weeks have been the worst of my life and at 17 years old, I’ve never experienced anything like this. Of course a lot of people don’t experience the death of loved ones until they’re a lot older – lucky them. But after holding my dad’s hand as he passed away in front of us, finding out he had to have an autopsy, arranging the funeral with my mum, going to visit him in the funeral directors every day and then the funeral itself... I admit my head is in a bit of a mess. After missing 3 weeks of school, I have a lot to catch up on which is stressful in itself but not only that; there is university stuff to sort out which is what my Dad would be helping me with now. I know people go through bad things in life and they say there is always someone worse off that you, but this has turned my world upside down if you like. The whole point of me writing all this is because, if I hadn’t have found this site just after my dad was diagnosed last year I think I would be 100x worse than I am now. Everyone seems to get on well on here, but there are always a couple of people who you’ll click with the most and if they’re reading this, they’ll know who they are. I just wanna say it is Trudy on here who has helped me in so many ways especially after texting me regularly when I was living in the hospital with Dad to see if I was ok and was always a phone call away to talk to or cry to. It just showed to me what a fantastic friend she is to me who I never want to lose. She doesn’t realise what a great help she is and she really should!! So hopefully this public announcement will make her see sense and not increase her head size J There are others of course who have been here for me and I’m so grateful and I’ll be here for you too if you need me. I still miss Dad everyday and it is hard to accept he’s no longer here, everyone who has lost someone will agree. But I will try and stay strong and make Dad proud of me. xxxxx

r.i.p dad x x x

2011-03-04T15:13:04Z

16^th July 2010 – the day my Dad, the best Dad you could possibly ever wish for, was diagnosed with lung cancer. He said to me he had a small tumour on one of his lungs and he would get through it. Now, 8 months on, Dad has passed away after the cancer laughed at all treatment it was given. First we found out he had lung cancer. Then we found out it had spread to his liver and one of his ribs. Then his chemo didn’t work in the slightest, and it had spread again to his adrenal gland. Then he was put on tablets called Tarceva which were supposed to attack the cancer. They didn’t work either. After this, he was given the news that he was now terminal – and could only have 6 months left. As I’ve typed the word ONLY, I realise how lucky we would have been to have 6 months. The cancer then spread to his brain which is when he deteriorated so rapidly. It’s so unreal that 2 months after being told he was terminal, he has gone. I wasn’t expecting him to leave us this quickly – neither was he which breaks my heart. We had a lot of family in the side room he was in, and when mum and I had time alone with him, he seemed to settle and enjoy the fact that it was just the 3 of us, as it’s always been. The night he died, he tried to put his arm around me. He did his best to tell me he loved me, I understood what he was trying to say. He kissed my hand the day before and my mums; I think he knew he was coming towards the end. At 12.40am this morning, dad passed away peacefully. After months of disappointment and no positive news, dad can finally be at peace now. This should never have happened to my dad, a healthy 54 year old that was fit as a fiddle, didn’t smoke, didn’t drink much and regularly exercised. It just doesn’t make sense how he got this form of cancer which in the end won and changed mine and my mum’s lives forever. If he smoked like a chimney, it would be more understandable. But he didn’t, which makes it so unfair. I’ve now lost my dad who won’t be here to see me turn 18, won’t be here to watch me go off to university in September after he has helped me prepare to go so much, who won’t meet his future grandkids. It’s just so unfair and now I don’t know what to do with myself. Me and my mum have been left without my wonderful dad and her wonderful husband. He was someone that everyone loved when they met him, so easy to talk to and always joking around... a real fun person. He liked to joke around with the nurses and I know they grew fond of my dad – not like that is a hard thing to do. I know how much he loved me and my mum and I’ll never forget that. He had so much to stay for but cancer got the better of him and after months of fighting and 2 weeks to the day that he was taken into hospital, he lost the battle. This all happened so quickly that it’s surreal. I’m going to miss you so so so much Dad and I love you always with all my heart, r.i.p xxxxxxxxx

For Dad xxxxx

4 weeks on.....

r.i.p dad x x x