Fighting the enemy

an emotional day full of memories of Mum

2011-07-07T07:23:35Z

Completed my 5K race for life it was very emotional full of memories of Mum being there cheering me on last year. Isn't it ironic that this year cancer had taken her from me and it was her name and pictureI had on my back.

I feel she was there in spirit though pushing me on

Missing her so much these days

Bee

A Tribute to Mum

2011-04-19T08:40:59Z

March the 23rd 4.05

That date and time is etched on my memory as long as I'm alive

My Mum passed away and her soul was re-leased

Life as I knew it had come to cease

Birthdays and Christmases she made the best

Now I have a dull ache in my chest

She taught me so much when I was a child

All the time she spent teaching me every nursey ryhme that was told.

The holidays in Peebles where we as kids ran wild

The singing of songs about coos and sheep

Till you came and told us you didn't want to hear another peep.

I still ahve to stop myself picking up the phone

To ask your advice or just a general moan

I hope you will meet me when my time has come

Then I can again be with you my Mum x

Daughter number 2 xxx

The fight is over

2011-03-23T18:48:44Z

Sadly mum lost her fight for life this morning. Miss you so much it hurts.

Anne :o(

Near the end

2011-03-21T08:08:30Z

Mum took a turn for the worse over the weekend, she can't even drink unassisted. Yesterday she was very agitated and broken blood spots started appearing all over her body. Blood test were taken and it was found her blood count is dangerously low because the cancer has attacked her bones the bone marrow is not making blood any more.

The Dr has advised us not to take her home as she is at risk of heamoraging which could be very distressing for my mum. The hospice is equiped to give her medication to stop the distress. We had to tell dad she wont be home he broke down in tears. This is a very harrowing time, I am hoping mum just sleeps away very soon so she can finally be at peace.

We made it!

2011-03-18T07:13:46Z

Fife Council have seen sense, lo and behold the have came up with a decent care package. I wonder if it's because I threatened them with contacting my local M.S.P?

So Mum will come home on Monday. She seemed to brighten up a little when we told her she was coming home. Fingers crossed she makes it to Monday.

Disgusted

2011-03-17T08:09:56Z

The home care assessor called yesterday to offer us a care package for mum, the visiting times from the carers would be 11.00, 1.00, 6.00 and then 7.00 p.m. what the hell are we supposed to do with that?? That would mean my mum lying unable to move in her bed from 7.00 at night until eleven in the morning?? I have told Fife Council to get this sorted. I have a feeling they are dragging their heels hoping my mum will pass away in the hospice. The family are so stressed my sister was in tears.

My mums wedding ring had to be taken off as her hand has swollen up, she has never had this ring of since the day she got married 56 years ago. My mum wants me to have it so its on a chain around my kneck it's heart breaking I wanted her to keep it on until she passed as she always said that her ring would be on until the day she dies.

hopefully Fife Council will get their finger out and get this care package sorted out so we can get her home.

coming home

2011-03-12T19:29:59Z

The bed is arriving at my mums, home care says they don't have any carers to give us a service it has been put out to tender??!! Have asked about Marie Curie Nurses for help during the night have been told they will try to offer a few nights! I just hope all this can be sorted so we can get mum out of the hospice to die at home instead of them all haggling over prices!

Mum is getting more and more confused she asked me to give her money today to give her money to pay the man whos digging the tunnel to get her out. Poor love was still clutching her pound when I left her tonight.

another downward fall on this roller coaster named cancer

2011-03-08T10:43:53Z

We had Mum's birthday party in the hopsice on Friday it was a tearful time watching her with all her friends and family. She was very emotional and tired out but at least she has made her birthday.

Yesterday she had deteriorated big time very confused, asking to go home as she thinks all will be ok with her. she will be able to walk again and sit on her settee. I couldn't tell her that wont be happening. I spoke to the Dr and she said that the steriods had made no difference to her and the physios are getting no where.

I have called the hospice today and spoke to the nurse in charge she says she has not been on all weekend and sees a huge deterioration in her and the doctor has been asked to look at her.

sad times ahead me thinks

A glimmer of hope

2011-03-03T07:30:12Z

Good news from the consultant last night. Mum is regaining some control of her arm they now think it was due to a bleed?? not the cancer???

When I asked how she knows she stated that if it was the tumor spreading she would not regain control. So they have doubled her steriods to see if that helps. The consultant was very vague as to what caused the bleed as they haven't scanned her. I feel they are just guessing. This sure is a roller coaster ride of many ups and downs. We are now pushing for a care package to get her home before anything else happens!! Looks like she will see her birthday tommorow. We have arranged to get her bed taken through to the day care centre where we can throw a small family celebration that she made it to her birthday. My poor sis shares her birthday with mum and doesn't want to celebrate her birthday.

The fight goes on

2011-03-01T13:20:37Z

Things became very bad last Thursday, as mum deteriorated a great deal she now can't sit up or stand or eat unassisted. It was decided that she should go into the hospice. This is now Monday and she is still awake but hallucinating now and then. She keeps asking why my sister's dog is in the ward??

I have came back to work as sadly life has to go as usual, if things get worse I am closer to the hospice at work than at home. It's her Birthday on Friday so fingers crossed that she's with us for that.

Is this it?

2011-02-23T07:27:48Z

Mum has taken a turn for the worse, I really thought the radio treatment had helped as she was regaining the feeling in her right hand. But no now her left hand has a mind of its own knocking things over. She fell twice yesterday and looks like she's done 3 rounds with mike Tyson! So she's now confined to bed it was heart breaking when she looked at me and said is this the end? I lied to her and said no you will fight this,It's not time to give up. When really I wish for her sake before she gets any worse that she could go to sleep and never wake up so she doesn't have to have any more distress. Am I being selfish? I don't know but It's killing me watching her struggle like this.

Not a good night

2011-02-17T09:12:28Z

Mum had a visit from the pallative care nurse who was asking where she would like to be when her time comes to die.... it all seems to have become real. Iv'e not slept so god knows how mum is feeling. :o(

Can anyone tell me how they coped?

My Mum's fight with the enemy

2011-01-26T14:27:55Z

June 2010 was the day that changed my life as I have always known it forever when I heard the consultant say to my mum It's lung cancer. My mum was so brave and dignified in her manner and just said ok thats fine at least I know what I'm fighting. Personally I was in bits when I walked out of the consultants office I couldn't speak. Not the best thing I know for my Mum, I will always regret that I wasn't strong for her that day as she was the one putting on the brave face.

Three weeks later she had a biopsy and a P.E.T. scan done this then showed that the cancer was already in her bones and her lymph nodes we were advised it was terminal but she would receive chemo to give us more time with her. We had lots of family gatherings making special times to be remembered when the dreaded time came time was the enemy always slipping away like sand.

After several doses of chemo we were given the news that the lesions on the bones appeared to be healing and the tumor was shrinking! Could a miricle have happened? There was much joy within the family I relaxed a bit more around her stopped phoning obsessively to see if she was ok. She used to answer the phone by saying hello stalker!

Then just before christmas she started to lose the power in her right hand this really upset her as she couldn't write her cards or wrap her presents. Christmas was always made special by her. She started falling over and was taken into hopsital to have a brain scan....... where we were told the horrific news that she now has two tumors on her brain. She was later given a full body scan that showed that the other tumors were still the same!

we have been advised that she only has a couple of months with us left, she has been given 5 doses of radium to perhaps give her a few more weeks. She is not aware that time is short we chose not to tell her as it may have made her lie down to this and give up. She is still fighting on making us laugh with her silly jokes. I am now finding it hard to put a smile on my face when I'm around her but I know I must...... as long as she is fighting the enemy....