fern

missing you.....xxxxxxx

2010-05-06T10:46:36Z

6/5/2010

Dad lost his short battle with cancer last saturday, 01/05/2010.

He was at home, my sister, daughter a district nurse and myself were with him......

We knew he was getting weaker each day....It was only 23/4/10 the previous friday we went to the hospital and they gave him a blood transfusion. He was quite tired and a bit sleepy ut he was ok, able to walk short distances and get up his stairs.....

The following monday 26/04/2010 we went back to hospital, we were waiting for the results of his bloods so he could begin chemo that day(irrenotecan), then the nurse came over and said "im so sorry to tell you this but dads liver function results have shot through the roof, we cant give him the chemo and we will have to admit him". This was a shock, i didnt know what she meant if she thought something was going to happen to him over night.....

I dont think dad was expecting them to say this either we were both confused.....he stayed in hospital that night, we spoke to various people we were still hoping and trying to have a solution.....his tummy was extremely bloated so we were still asking about having it drained etc....

Even when the doctor was saying "its up to you to decide as a family if he wants to be at home, in hospital or a hospice....even though we discussed this it didnt sink in that it was going to e so soon.....

He got discharged from hospital the next day, tues 27/04/10......my sister came over from ireland to help take care of him, she was quite shocked at the way he looked, i think i must have got used to his appearence and how he looked.

Then wed 28/04/10 was a very hard day it was the first time really since he got ill( nov 09) that i was just home without having to rush over to see him or make appointments for him or be sick with worry that something may happen while i was not there...the macmillan nurse visited and told them he may need a driver thing to give him his pain relief meds, and how to get intouch with district nurse..........

Thurs 29/04/10.....had an appointment with his oncologist, basically it was complete rubbish, my dad was weak by now and had to be in a wheel chair, he could barely stay awake for the stupid pointless b/s meeting....the oncologist just said what we knew that he was to weak for any futher chemo......

I had to say to the oncologist what i thought, that if they hadnt pushed him to go for a trial drug (which he may or may not have even been given on the trial!!!!!!) and his care had to be transfered to another hospital we wasted a couple of weeks for nothing then when they were going to give him the trial drug he was to weak to even go on the trial so they transfered his care back to the original hospital, then when he was supposed to receive chemo there he was to weak for even that chemo...........the oncologist danced around the issue, my sister had to go out because she got to emotional, my poor dad was sat in the chair dozing, so then we left.............

fri 30/04/10 went over to see dad, my sister was fining the whole thing very emotional, helped to sort out his tabs, he was still being his determined self though, but he didnt really get up out of bed, he was still himself though when you spoke to him just very tired................

SATURDAY 01/05/2010.........went with my daughter (she is 4yrs) over to see my dad, he was quite sleepy and wanted his space and was saying he would get up in a min.......then the district nurse came to give him the meds because he hadnt been able to take his that morning because he simply didnt have the energy......my sister took my daughter downstairs to play ball for a bit, the district nurse gave him an injection of his morphine....he was sat on the floor so i helped him on to his bed, he groaned a bit and looked funny so i called my sister and told her to come upstairs now......she came up just as he took his last breaths.......................

emotions

2010-04-26T22:09:28Z

26/04/10

Went to hospital with dad today, he was supposed to be having irrotican chemo. They needed to test his liver levels before they started because the liver function had been abnormal........

So we sat waiting for a few hours for the results to come back, then the nurse came over and said "im so sorry but your dads results have shot up so we are going to have to admit him" I freaked out, I didnt know why they wanted him in what to expect, then they explained that the disease has progressed so they cant do anything else to treat him, only increase his steroid to the maximum dose......

Had to speak to everyone to let them know what was going on, had to tell my nan, sister, etc.......not nice telling them hes not doing so great............

Think the oramorph is affecting him because we got into a silly conversation but he was talking nonsense but was being serious, was kinda funny but that really worried me too......

So he is in hosp tonight will go back 1st thing in morning to see what they are going to do, if anything, but basically they have said its up 2 him to decide if he wants to be at home or in the hospital...............

He will see the palliative care consultant tomorrow too, hopefully they can help with his swollen tummy, this is causing him discomfort and putting him off eating too.......

REALLY REALLY EMOTIONALLY HARD DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pressure

2010-04-24T21:53:00Z

I am looking after my dad he got diagnosed in nov 09 with bowel cancer, they removed the tumor but there were still cancer cells.....so he started chemo, then got told in march that the cancer had spread to his liver........he is kinda doing ok, had a blood transfusion yesterday because he is now anaemic, this made him feel better.

I am worried that i should be doing more or i am not asking the right questions or being assertive enough. My dad is divorced, so i have been going with him to appointments,arranging the appointments, gettin shopping etc.... but i feel like i should do more?????????? or see if he can be referred to a liver specialist?????? not sure who to ask or how to go about this????