Close Friend Due To Start Chemo

2010-03-16T19:52:00Z

Hello,

I'm not entirely sure what I'm hoping to get out of this blog but I'm kinda hoping it will help me control and at the same time express MY own feelings whilst supporting a close friend through his journey battling Testicular Cancer.

I found out roughly 3 weeks ago that he had been diagnosed with Testicular Cancer and had not seen him in all that time, however kept in contact regulary.

Today is the first day I have seen him since his diagnosis and boy was it tense. He seemed to be in a world of his own like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and I felt completely useless that I couldnt help him and make him better. I have never had the feeling of complete uselessness before and I felt powerless to help him.

I wanted to keep things normal but what exactly is normal? What do I say to him? Do I say sorry this has happened or do I question what he has to face next and run the risk of upsetting him?

Well we had a cuppa and sat in silence whilst the T.V blared out in the background. I dont think either of us was actually watching it really, but it softened the awkwardness at least.

I could see he was getting tired and before I left so he could get some rest I leant over and went to give him a kiss on the lips, which was the usual thing for us two but instead he gently turned his head and i planted a kiss on his cheek. Maybe he felt weird about our closeness now. I guess this one I'm gonna have to play it by ear!