Claudette

The end

2010-10-11T14:41:00Z

As you may have guessed by my lack of posting, Claudette passed away in the hospice on Thursday last. She had a walking frame and ripple mattress delivered, but was unable to use either as she could not lift herself up from the chair. On Tuesday it was decided that she would go into the hospice on Wednesday, her hairdresser came in the evening and cut her hair, followed by two nurses who washed her.

We stayed the last night together, but by the morning I couldn't handle things, so it was fortunate she went into the hospice. Whilst I think she was aware, she couldn't say anything.

On Thursday, she had a number of visitors, neighbours, family and her priest. she was washed and made comfortable at 5 pm, and with a final gasp of breath died just before 6 pm. Thankfully a peaceful death after a long struggle.

Mood swings

2010-10-04T16:22:10Z

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The night wasn't too good, when I woke up I found her sleeping on the side of the bed. I tried to walk her to the lounge (we live in a bungalow), but it was a real ordeal. She said she felt (and looked bad), which really gave me a bit of a downer. She's no longer mobile and sleeps most of the time (which isprobably a good thing) and today she's having a problem bringing up the phlem in her throat, and is declining to eat.

Continued later. We've had a busy afternoon, the district nurse for claxain and bed sores, the doctor, who's adjusted her medication, and the hospice, with a ripple mattress, walking frame and baby alarm. It's amazing the help we've had. Coupled with a visit from her american cousins (Claudette is american) she looks a lot better, and she's eaten ice cream! I just hope this contiues, we're giving her stronger medication tonight and hoplefully the ripple matress will work. Tomorrow the doctor's back, the Macmillan nurse is coming and she's having her hair done.

The weekend

2010-10-03T15:56:30Z

I couldn't get on to the site yesterday. Friday night wasn't too good, she slept until 3 but after that she was restless and uncomfortable, I moved her from the bed to her chair in the lounge, she wasn't too good at first, but improved when her cousin from Holland arrived, followed bt two fom America.

Last night wasn't good, she couldn't sleep in her hospital style raised bed, as there is a fold where the mattress is raised, We moved her to her chair in the lounge and gave her the blue pill, Lorazepam, which we were told was for anxiety, insomnia, pain. It did put her to sleep, and she woke again about 7. She insisted on washing her hair and washing, which has really tired her out, and she is now asleep again. Her movement is now very restricted, and i'm begining to feel a little pesimistic. Tomorrow I'll get the doctor and cancer nurse in.

Continuing...

2010-10-01T13:44:26Z

A couple of quite good days, although the nights haven't been too good, waking and being uncomfortable.We've discussed this and decided to use the anxiety/sleeping pill when she goes to bed, and will hopefully allow here to sleep longer, if this does occur she'll move to her chair (with a gel pillow) when she wakes up and let her doze there. At the moment she's taking a lot of morphine at night and none during the day, which I think is making her sleepy during the day. If not we'll think again, it's a voyage of discovery. The bed sores are slowly improving.

More agro from my (ex) employer, the caring, ethical, moral Southern Co-op, who can't work out how to give me (unpaid) indefinite leave to care for my wife. I'd like to battle with them, as I think they should be more sensitive to staff, but as it upset my wife yesterday, I'm going to tell them to stuff it. I don't really need the money, and it's only part time, but I did want to keep my options open when Claudette's gone.

A quiet day

2010-09-29T09:24:33Z

Claudette spent the day resting in her armchair with her soft cushion watching TV. We reinstated the cookie jar when she said she was hungry.

I attempted to obtain some dressings, padded plasters, for her sores, but the system doesn't appear apple to provide them. Hopefully the district nurse will provide something similar today, if not I'll buy some. This caused sleeping problems overnight, which I suspect resulted in the higher than usual use of the morphine.

The day hospice

2010-09-28T13:42:02Z

Claudette dressed herself and got ready to go the the hospice for the day, but was too tired to walk to the van which took her, and was pushed into the van and the wheelchair anchored down. This gave me a chance to go out and do some shopping. She returned at 3.30, absolutely exhausted, she said she had done too much, but had really enjoyed it. We'll have to think about her spending a shorter time next week. They also took care of the sores.

She slightly recovered later in the day but had to take 3 doses of morphine overnight, which may have partially been because her fentinol patch needed changing. She slept well, eventually getting up about 8am ond going on her computer. Today is a day of complete rest for her, watching daytime TV, I'm going to stay clear!

Sunday

2010-09-27T06:42:59Z

Today went pretty well, probably the best day since she came home from the hospice, she dressed herself, used the bathroom, and ate well, she even said she was hungry at one point, which hasn't happened for a long time. In the evening she showered on her own, although she was very tired afterwards. She had morphine and a nebuliser before she went to bed, and slept pretty well, taking morphine at about 3 and a nebuliser when she woke up at 6.

I took a step back yesterday, and let her do things by herself, unless she asked for help or was having problems.

Today is a day visit to the hospice, she gets picked up and taken and brought back, I'm a bit apprehensive so we'll have to see how it goes.

The biggest problem that we have at the moment is bed sores.

Saturday

2010-09-26T09:31:25Z

She got up and showered on her own, although with a watching eye, got a bit frustated dressing, but settled down nicely, had lasagna for lunch (and tea!), had my mother and aunt over while I went out. Restful evening.

Night not so good, nebuliser at 12, morphine at 1 (she did it herself) and again at 3.30. Real problems with bed sores although one side does show a definite improvement. Woke up at about 5, 7 and had some yogurt, and is currently stil asleep (10.30).

Losson - do nebuliser and take morphine before going to bed.

The first panic

2010-09-25T12:05:42Z

Follow a bit of disturbed night, she settled down well and looked really good in the morning. We had a visit from a cousin from the Netherlands, and on his arrival she really perked up. Mistakenly we ordered a chinese take away and she rather filled her plate, halfway through she rushed to the toilet in real distress and began to have breathing problems. I got her back into her chair in the living room, gave her a nebuliser and an anxiety pill and called the ambulance. After the first nebuliser had finished, I gave her another and by the time the ambulance had arrived, she was much better. Whilst they wanted to take her to hospital, all signs were normal, so I didn't press the point. After an hour or so, with the help of the oromorph she was back to normal. She thinks it was the ginger shrimp, which could be the case as I seem to remember shrimp caused problems last time she had it. Moral: watch the food.

Quite a good night, morphine at about 4am and nebuliser about 5.

Good day, but not so good night

2010-09-24T07:32:53Z

Thursday.

A visit to see her consultant at the hospital, while nothing can be done the interest shown was reassuring. She used the wheelchair, I really must learn how to get it into the car boot. A further appointment was made for 6 weeks, the consultant saying she was sure she would be able to attend, a real morale booster. At home she used her computer, had lunch and tea (and a snack of a slice of pizza which my aunt brought over), and seemed pretty well. The District Nurse visited, and after much paperwork gave her clexain injection, this will happen daily. She didn't need oromorph, and was reluctant to use her nebuliser as she said she didn't need it. She went to bed and almost immediately fell asleep.

I heard he coughing just before three, she was in pain and had taken the smaller dose of oromorph I had left by the bedside (she'd earlier said she didn't need the full amount), but was still in pain, so I gave her a dose of the full amount. She then said her worst pain was on the cheeks of her bottom (which had been looked at by the district nurse, who didn't think it was a major problem), so I applied the cream provided by the hospice (which apparently numbs it) and she eventally went back to sleep.

Coming home

2010-09-23T15:32:19Z

I collected her from the hospice yesterday lunchtime, complete with two carrier bags of medication. She was rather anxious about (I think she felt secure in the hospice) and I was concerned about her having an anxiety attack, which had put her into the hospital in the first place. With a little reassurance from myself and the staff she got in the car and we drove home. I settled her down, sorted out her medication, most of the bulk was clexain and nebules for her nebuliser, and compared them with the excellent list we were given by the hospice. I had to give her an extra dose of oromorph, we have the (very) concentrated version which is given orally through a syringe. She settled down and after tea (cauliflower cheese) settled down to watch tv, and she eventually fell asleep.

My next concern was getting her to sleep in bed, she has slept in her chair for the last year. We have an adaptor which raises the head of the bed like a hospital bed. She got into bed, and told me it felt better than the hospice bed. Having set her up with a touch lamp, smoke alarm (to use as an alarm should she need me!) and a dose of morphine, she immediately fell asleep and slept through till morning with the cat at the foot of the bed. She did take the morphine, I think about 4 am.

Background

2010-09-22T15:21:00Z

My wife, Claudette, was diagnosed with endometrial cancer four years ago, she had a hysterectomy and radiotherapy, and we thought she was in remission. Unfortunately, it re-occurred in the neck (which caused her a considerable amount of pain as it was not diagnosed for a considerable time) and was again radiotherapied. Over the last year it has re-occurred three times and each has been radiotherapied. It has now returned and has been diagnosed as terminal. Whilst the way the news was broken was, to say the least insensitive, the palliative care has been excellent, she was in the local hospice, the Earl Mountbatten at Newport, we live on the Isle of Wight, two days later for pain assessment. She has been there ten days and was released today. Whilst I have cared for her for the past year, it was alway in the hope that there would be a full recovery, now she has come home to die, although we've no idea of the timescale (we're seeing the consultant again tomorrow). We now have appropriate aids (rising bed, shower board, raised toilet) to help her. I intend to use this blog to write my thoughts as things develop.