ClaireWEY's blog

Poor Mum!

2009-08-18T07:35:46Z

Well, Mum went to get the results of her CT scan yesterday and it is not looking good. The oncologist has stopped treatment for the Lung cancer because he says it has been shrunk as much as possible and Mum is too exhausted for anymore. BUT it appears that what he thought was spread in her breast and spine is actually Primary breast cancer with spread to her spine. So the chemo for the lungs has had no effect on that and the spinal tumours are getting bigger. So now she has to have a biopsy on her breast and await treatment for that. I can't believe they didn't think of doing the biopsy before! Now it is like starting all over again. Mum is trying so hard to stay positive but broke down last night. My sister, brother and I are trying to get Mum to choose things to do or places to visit so she has things to look forward to but it so hard having those conversations when Mum doesn't want to know the prognosis. It is a bit like she is in denial but we want her to have the opportunity to do things before it is too late. Are we wrong? She wanted a new kitchen but to be honest the most she does in the kitchen is make toast and coffee. We tried to convince her a lovely new bathroom would be of more benefit to her personally as she is unable to bath so she needs a walk in shower. But even that was a difficult conversation. I am struggling at the moment with all of this and am finding it hard to muster up any enthusiasm myself. I read people's blogs on here and am in awe of some people. They seem to be dealing with it all so well and some days I do feel strong but lately it is getting harder. I don't want to lose my Mum - bottom line - the thought is too much to bear today.

Could it have spread to the brain?

2009-08-11T06:56:59Z

Hi My mum has sclc and we know it has started to spread to her adrenal glands and liver. In the last few days she has complained of hearing funny noises. She says it sounds like a washing machine in her head, then yesterday she woke up with a searing headache behind her right eye and the right side of her head. Do you think this could be the start of a spread to the brain? Does anyone have experience of lung cancer spreading to the brain? Thanks for reading. Claire xx

Looking for the positives.

2009-08-04T13:44:44Z

Well I haven't blogged for a while but I have been reading all the other blogs with interest. Many times they make me cry and also laugh. I was discussing the calendar with someone at work today and it struck me that there are positives amongst all this pain. When Mum was diagnosed in April it felt like my world fell apart. Of course, there are still days like this especially when Mum is down and very obviously ill. However, without this illness what would life be like now? Well, I would be at home with my husband and children, maybe seeing Mum once a week. I would be at work and maybe looking forward to a 2 week break away somewhere hot and sunny. But the reality is I have moved in with Mum and left my family behind, there will be no holiday and even a few hours at work feels like I have abandoned Mum. Each day Mum and I laugh and talk and cry (good and bad tears) and I am spending precious time with her building some very fond memories. Mum recently took 13 of us to butlins for a family weekend which never would have happened without the illness. My children spend more time with their Nan now and thus will have stronger memories too. You see, we get caught up in our lives, we carry on busy busy busy without really stopping to count our blessings. So I am in a way grateful that we have had this opportunity to strengthen our bonds. My sisters friend recently lost her Mum. She passed away suddenly in her armchair due to a massive heart attack. She had not been ill at all. My Mum said "At least she passed away without all this pain" I thought "She didn;t have time to say goodbye". So, of course I am sad at the prospect of losing Mum at such a young age but I am also grateful we can have this special time to appreciate each other. From reading other peoples blogs I get the feeling many of us feel the same. You suddenly realise how precious life is and there is no point putting things off. Mum is now using her fine china every day instead of once a year at Christmas, she is far more conscious of "wasting time" on the days she feels well. So, I am going to try to keep this feeling with me through the pain and hope it lasts for longer than we expect. Let the good times roll! Best wishes to all Claire xx

Today is the day.

2009-07-22T07:35:34Z

Well, I have an appointment today at 2pm to find out my fate. Well done NHS - the urgent referral from my doctor was only sent last Tuesday and I already have the appointment. The two week rule is working I guess. So, I have had my scan and had my blood test, I am hoping today I will find out if I really do have cancer and if so what will happen next. Of course I have been reading up on the matter here on the site and I have a pretty good idea of what to expect but I still feel sick all the same. You see, I am not scared of having cancer....I am scared of the prospects of surgery and my inability to care for my Mum. That is what is worrying me more. No-one seems to understand that, they think I am crying for myself but that isn't the case. I don't want to be an extra burden on a family already struggling with one cancer patient. I want to be the strong one who is there for Mum. How can I do that if I have surgery? I am going to ask what the ramifications would be if I opted not to have surgery for now, maybe I could postpone it? Who knows. I guess I will just have to wait for 2pm.

Day 1 - The Waiting Game

2009-07-15T13:08:21Z

Hi, This is my first blog as I only joined the site today. I will start with a bit of history. Last June my husband was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer. Fortunately one dose of chemo and surgery appeared to sort the problem and his checks have been clear since Feb. His next one is due in August so we have our fingers crossed! In April of this year my Mum was diagnosed with Small Cell Lung Cancer and is currently undergoing chem but has had numerous complications. In Feb, I went to my gp with abdominal pain and was sent for an ultrasound. This showed a cyst on my ovary of 4cm. No action was taken just a call back for a repeat scan in June. Finally had my second scan 2 weeks ago and the cyst had changed. There is now three lumps all on top of one another on my ovary and they all have a blood supply. The sonographer suggested I get the results from my gp and possibly be referred. Yesterday I saw gp and he is concerned it is cancer and has referred me under the two week rule. I also need to go and have a CA125 blood test tomorrow. The hospital rang this morning and my consultant appointment is next Wednesday. I know to most of you it sounds like I am jumping the gun but I have many of the "symptoms" of ovarian cancer and an increased risk because of endometriosis (gp ruled out flare up of endometriosis yesterday) So, here I sit at my mum's house (have moved in to care for her) whilst my husband and children are back at home, terrified of what is in store for me. Guilty to think I may not be able to care for my mum if I end up having a hysterectomy. Scared of what will happen to my beautiful children. Angry that this couldn't have waited to surface until after my poor mum loses her battle. God - what a mess!