Christine1's blog

DNR

2019-01-17T14:35:07Z

What a horrid day. I had a visit from my GP and I thought, Oh! that's nice and caring. No such thing. All she wanted was for me to sign my life away by agreeing to complete a DNR. I know it's for my own good but, up until her visit, I was having quite a good day, just for a change.

I sat and smiled, and when through all her questions showing no emotion...…….but as soon as she left, I broke down into a blubbering heap.

Not a good day, so time for a massive whinge.

2018-12-13T19:14:21Z

I am so fed up with this business. I want to scream, Please Help Me!. But I might as well be in space, as no one seems to be hearing me.

So much pain today, bloated aching bowels. My whole chest and stomach feels like its being squeeze. Just overwhelming pain. I had an oesophageal stent put in 2 weeks ago, which has worked wonders for being able to swallow. But now I just cant eat because of the constant overwhelming pain. My pain control (Oxycontin, Oxynorm and paracetamols) is not stopping the pain any longer, and I'm starting to feel as though I have no quality of life left...…...just PAIN!.

Four times over the past month, two hospitals and my GP has said "don't you worry about a thing, I specialist cancer nurse or district nurse will be coming to see me to discuss my pain control. WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY!

I've even started screaming at my darling husband whose doing his very best to help me. I am becoming a monster.

Whinge over……………….for now.

Update:Bristol Royal Infirmary. Cancer nursing staff are a shambles.

2018-12-01T16:21:55Z

Back home after having stent fitted. I had to stay in hospital overnight for them get my pain under control. I was on a specialist cancer ward, so you would think that they would know what the were doing. Thankfully the surgical and anaesthetic teams were brilliant and have done a very good job under testing conditions. Unfortunately the nursing care was a total shambles. I was left in agony all night, as the nursing staff were unable or unqualified to adjust my pain killers, even though it was obvious they were not working. They insisted on giving my Oramorph, which I would throw up instantly, then had to take anti sickness tablets to try to prevent this...….even though I told them numerous times that Oramorph did not agree with me, and I was taking Oxynorm at home, which helped my pain. Then they gave me Tramadol, which did absolutely nothing, but they insisted that this was what they were going to prescribe for me to take home. I was discharged at 11am and the Doctor asked the nurse in charge to send my prescription straight to the pharmacy, without delay, so that I could get home. Between 11am and 2pm the Doctor, and my husband asked the nurse 4 times if she had taken my prescription down to the pharmacy, and she said yes, but they were busy and we must be patient. A 2pm I was told to go down to the 'departure lounge' where my medication would be ready. When we got there we were told that the nurse had only just taken the prescription to the pharmacy but they would chase it through urgently. By 4.45pm we were told that my prescription was ready but they had lost it somewhere in the hospital. That was enough for me. I phoned my GP to let him know what was happening, He instantly wrote me up a prescription for the pain relief that I needed (which was not what the hospital wanted me to take) and I collected it from the GP's pharmacy when I got home. It took 5 minutes for my GP to decide what was best for me, and give me the medication, yet it took the hospital nearly 5 hours to get my prescription through the pharmacy, and then loose it. There was a huge problem in communication, as even the Doctors couldn't understand what the nurse was saying, due to an Eastern European accent. And one last thing that summed up the whole shambles. After suffering so much pain that I though I might give me a heart attack, I pressed the emergency call button. A girl eventually came into my room, and when I told here what my problem was, she said "I have no idea what is going on" and ran out of the room, never to be seen again. All I can say is thank god for my GP.

16/11,2018 Staging Results not good.

2018-11-17T00:04:32Z

Had my staging results today, T3, N2, Mx. Tumours is extending through the Oesophagus and is very close to the heart and Aorta, and just to add to my misery, I have lesions on my thoracic spine. I have an appointment to see my surgeon on Monday 19th November, but I'm not expecting good news. I have tried the Oramorph and Oxynorm to try to relieve my back pain but nothing seems to touch it. I would give so much to be smiling and happy out walking in the fresh air once again. It's getting increasingly tough, mentally and physically watching my family trying to cope with what is happening.

08/11/2018

2018-11-08T09:07:25Z

Got my final Endoscopy today which will tell me if I have enough healthy Oesophagus left to enable my surgeon to agree to operate. I think they call it the 'Ivor Lewis' operation. It's no understatement to say that I'm terrified because I am already in a lot of pain when I try to swallow, so I've no idea how they are going to get their instruments down my throat.

I am so grateful to this site for giving me a way to release my emotions, without burdening my family.

The day has finally come.

2018-10-15T20:47:28Z

Sadly, the jury is in, and the verdict...…..A second dose of Oesophageal Cancer. This time no chemo or radiotherapy options are available to me. My consultant has said that there is a very small chance that the GI surgeon will consider me for surgery, but I now have to wait a further week before my appointment to consult with him.

Now just awaiting a PET Scan and another Gastroscopy test to determine staging, but at the moment its palliative care only, with an estimated sentence of 3 to 12 months if I'm lucky.

Definitely a visit to my GP tomorrow for some 'happy pills'.

Sad and Terrified!

5 days of anxiety

2018-10-10T11:07:14Z

My Gastroscopy was done 13 days ago, with 10 biopsies taken. I have now been recalled to the hospital on 15th October, to 'DISCUSS THE RESULTS' and 'WHERE WE GO FROM HERE'. In my experience, two of the worst terms I have ever heard.

I truly hope I am reading to much into this and just being my usual panic stricken bad patient...….

So Amazing!

2018-09-10T15:28:51Z

Ever wanted to kiss another man in front of your husband. Well...….I could have well and truly snogged my consultant when he gave me the news, but luckily for him, I just cried with joy.

He said...…. the top diagnostic radiologists have studied my test results, and they agree that, although there are abnormalities, which can only be expected from the Radiotherapy I had 11 years ago, they are 95% certain that I am CANCER FREE.

I still have one more test to go, and endoscopy, but all others results are almost fine.

What more can I ask for...…..I'm an extraordinarily lucky girl. 95%! I'll take that.

What can I say!

2018-09-05T20:43:59Z

Just had the news today. It's back. I have secondary Oesophageal Cancer in my Oesophagus and stomach.

Don't know the full extent of it yet, and won't know until Monday 10th when I have to see my consultant to discuss my next step, and if there is any further treatment I can have to keep me going a little longer.

Had the worse day possible, having to tell all my lovely work customers that I am closing down, possibly for good, having to tell family and friends. And the worse thing ever...…..having to tell my husband and watching him cry. Its gut wrenching to have to hurt him so deeply.

Had already arranged to visit family in the north in a couple of weeks. They don't know yet, and I need to keep it from them until after my visit, so that I don't spoil the visit for them. That's going to be hard, but I will be so proud of myself if I can pull it off.

On my return I have booked myself into a 2 day retreat at the Penny Brohn Clinic just outside Bristol. I went there 11 years ago when I was first diagnosed. It is a truly wonderful Cancer retreat that helps get me into the right state, mentally, physically and spiritually, to be able to deal with all the implications that will be coming my way. At the moment I'm nowhere near feeling calm or rational, so a lot of work needs to be done...…………..

Oh NO!!!! Back on the wagon train.

2018-08-24T21:54:50Z

Feeling so down today. After 11 glorious years in remission, I think its back.

Waiting for a CT Scan on Thursday 30th August...……….and hoping that I'm just being paranoid...…..

End May 2013

2013-05-24T01:27:08Z

Alls calm is Christine's world.

I had a wonderful months holiday in Cambodia and Vietnam. In Cambodia we stayed in Seam Reap, visited Angkor Wat, and took a helicopter ride over the sites. Vietnam was a great experience, starting in the South we stayed in Saigon and took a 3 day trip down the Mekong Delta, then headed north to the beautiful town/Cities of Hoi An, Halong Bay, Hanoi, and finished with a 6 day 4x4 trip up into the mountains finishing in Sapa which was spectacular. This is such a beautiful part of the world, filled with welcoming, friendly people who I will never forget.

My home business is doing very well, but the lack of any signs of summer is starting to depress me slightly.

I still miss my Mum so badly and still have a good cry occasionally. I recently placed her in her final resting place on the top of a Somerset Hill: Its a lovely spot which overlooked the the Mendips, Glastonbury Tor and Burnham-on-Sea, which is where she lived. I can see the hill from the bottom of my garden and can watch the sun set behind it every evening, which is very comforting.

Had a family trip to Krakow in February......such a lovely snowy place and a good few days of eating, drinking and good company.

Visited Northumberland and the Scottish Boarders where we did some great walks and caught up with relations in the area. Now I feel I'm just drifting around waiting for the summer to start and planning our walking weekends to Brownsea Island, Norfolk and Snowdonia.

My health has been very good. I had a bone scan in February and my GP said there is an improvement in bone density.......very pleased with myself. (pat on the back).

Goodbye 2012 and hello 2013.

2013-01-05T21:00:00Z

I'm so glad to be alive, and its 2013!

2012 was a year of such extremes highs and lows. I loved the Olympics and paras, saw my youngest turn 21. hated the weather, semi liked my holidays this year, and fell to an all time low when my dear mum died in September, did a lot of comfort eating and am now 2 stone overweight. Time to pick myself up, dust myself off and make the most of the wonderful life that God has given me. No more sitting around and moping or feeling sorry for myself. Its 2013 and I am being given a chance to see another spring, summer, autumn and winter.

Its my darling husbands 60th at the end of January, so I am taking the family for a week of wintry weather in beautiful Krakow.......to blow the cobwebs of 2012 away, and start 2013 with some fresh air and exercise. (plus more drink and more food....darn! not a good way to start my diet) Then, at the end of February, hubby and me are off on one of our adventures. We have decided on Vietnam and Cambodia, and intend to see as much of it as possible. But before all that, I have my oncology check up on 9th January.......Not that they do much, just prod my tummy a little,(which will prove a little difficult this year, due to the added stack of spare tyres around my waist) look baffled that I am still alive, then say, 'see you next year'. but without my 'check-up' I cant get my holiday insurance.

I know its only January and still in the midst of winter, but the daffs have already poked their heads through my lawn, and that is making me yearn for spring.

Wishing everyone on this site peace, harmony, true love and good health.

Goodnight Mum.

2012-09-30T22:43:20Z

Today is Sunday 30th September 2012 and the day I hoped would never arrive. At 4.30pm today my dear sweet, stubborn, hard-working, courageous and brave mum decided that enough was enough and she did not want to stay in this world any longer. She tried so hard to hold on until my sisters arrived to be with her, but god's call was to great and she was pleased to go to him. Her breathing was very laboured for about half an hour, then she opened her eyes and looked towards the window. From the look on her face, which was very calm and peaceful, I could tell she could see something. I said to her, was she looking at the light. It was then that I realised what I had said, and she was indeed looking at the light, but not the light that I could see. Suddenly her breathing became very shallow and she slowly drifted away from me. The last 4 days of mums life have been very difficult for her, but in the end God was kind enough to take her gently and peacefully.

Its a strange thing but even having been with her, you may think that its easier to accept the reality that she has finally left us to cope alone, but I still keep expecting the hospice to call and say she's pulled through yet again and is asking for her chocolate and battenburg cake to be brought in.

Love you Mum, now and forever. xxx

August 2012

2012-08-05T18:48:32Z

I can't believe that I've not posted for such a long time. 7 months, I think.

Its now the start of August 2012, and I've had quite a quiet year so far. Spend from January to June completing my Beauty course at Bridgwater College.....and loving every minute of it, even though I was by for the oldie in the class. It's so nice to be with the young people, their enthusiasm for life and new experiences is very infectious. I'm now very busy with my own home salon under the name of Given Holistic Beauty, you can find me on facebook. After 2 years at college I thought I might take some time out to establish my business, but then again, I might just pop back to do a teacher training course which would then allow me to teach from my home salon.

The weather has been so appalling this year.....rain on biblical proportions. Hence a great lack of exercise and an increase in weight. I did try Slimming World which was very helpful and I lost half a stone, but I stopped going because I was too busy with work and college, and the weight is slowly creeping back on. I have a cold virus at present so have been comfort eating throughout the weekend.....and enjoying it.

I did not want a long haul holiday this year so we have had a long weekend up north to see relations and a family wedding, and just got back from a weeks holiday on Bryher in the Scilly Isles which was beautiful and very peaceful.

I'm very pleased to say that my dear mum is still battling on (she has CLL) even though she rarely leaves her house, and even her bed these days. The stress of worrying about her, and running back and forth to her has caused some upset between my sister and I, who, at present are not talking to each other, consequently all the caring has to be done by me.

My health continues to be good, in spite of the lack of exercise, although I do suffer some pain in the chest, particularly if I talk to much......which is usually quite often.

I remember 5 years ago when everyone was celebrating getting the Olympic games, I was thinking that not in my wildest dreams could I expect to still be alive in 2012, since I had a prognosis of 2 years maximum. So as everyone was cheering and clapping, I was crying. At that time, I asked for two things. 1. To be alive and feeling well to see the Olympic opening ceremony and 2. to still be alive and well to see my youngest sons turn 21 on 30th October 2012. Well, goal number one has been achieved, and I am getting close to goal number two, so I had better start thinking of some more goals. I think my next goal is to see India again, as that is my favourite place in the whole world......apart from the Brownsea Island and the Somerset Levels.

Looking forward to an Indian summer in good old GB.

I'll try to upload of pic of my Salon. Not sure if it will work as I'm not to good at the computer.

to be continued.....

End of year update 2011.

2011-12-13T00:09:30Z

Had a mixed holiday.....some good and some bad. I found Singapore a tad uninteresting. By the time we reached Cairns I had picked up a virus (probably from the aeroplane air conditioning) and the humidity and heat in the Daintree rain forest didn't help. It was a good experience going to the doctors surgery which was 2 huts joined by an open verrander which served as the waiting room......all very laid back and relaxed.....as you would expect from the aussies. The G.P was very nice but told me that it was just a virus, gave me some panadol and told me to rest for a week. By the time we arrived in Sydney I had Bronchitis,bordering on pneumonia. Went again to a G.P (civilized this time) and this time was given X-rays and antibiotics. In total the whole episode cost a fortune and meant that I had to miss out on my reef dive because my breathing was so bad. I did manage to recover enough to do a few of the touristy things around Sydney, including the Bridge climb which was brilliant, and to see all the fruit bats in the botanical gardens, plus a lovely day in the Blue Mountains. My apologies to 'Oldandgrey' for not finding the time to meet up.

The last week of the holiday was in Tasmania. By this time I was feeling much better and was able to enjoy some wonderful walks around Cradle Mountain and a fantastic boat trip into the Tasman Sea where we saw Dolphins and Hump Back Whales. I enjoyed Tasmania the most but was glad (as always) to get home to good old blighty. I thought that Australia was a wonder part of the world to see, but would not want to live there unless I was a snake, spider, crocodile, shark, jelly fish or some other deadly critter. The only place for the humans is in the cities........and I don't care to much for cities.

Now back at college and have just completed the first term of my new course. Christmas is just around the corner and I'm looking forward to that. So far the weather has been kind in my part of the world, and even though winter has just started, my mind is turning to spring and starting to pot up those first seed trays.

Yet again, thanks to my husband and children, I have had the most wonderful year, filled with love, happiness, new experiences and challenges.

I'm looking forward to 2012 which is the year that will fulfil my biggest ambitions.........to see my youngest sons' 21 birthday..........and to be watching the Olympics, feeling well and happy...............to be continued.