Cella113

To All of Us! Strength!

2009-12-22T16:04:25Z

With glass raised...here is to all of us. xx

Cheating

2009-12-15T17:14:44Z

I made a quasi mince pie...no raisins...okay, pears and apples but I get to call it mince because I made it and I needed to think I did something different. And when I get off here I have to wrap gifts. If my family comes to see us sooner than I expect, I won't be ready. But then who am I kidding?? I still don't have my tree up. By the time it goes up it will have to come down...but then...if I am the one putting it up, it can stay up as long as I want. I actually don't have the energy for any of it but I think it is good to maintain tradition.

I learned how to recycle magazines and old greeting/xmas cards into bows. Here is the link (see below) I hope it works. It is on the website www.favecrafts.com if this kind of stuff interests you.

gift bows! (yet another way to recycle magazines) tutorial added and more pics - PAPER CRAFTS, SCRAPBOOKING & ATCs (ARTIST TR...

The bows are a little bit of me placed on the gifts.

Well, the drainage from my chest tubes are quite minimal and the visiting nurse will be reporting this to the doc. of chest tubes. Usually they come out (I am told this procedure hurts...well they will have to knock me out because I can't handle much more pain) when the drainage is 50cc or less for 3 consecutive drainings. Well...they went in with conscious sedation in the hospital with anesthesia folks at the ready. I don't want to have to bear their reinsertion. He may want me to have ANOTHER cat scan, so my nurse says. And I heard on the news last night that one cat scan is equivalent to 50 chest xrays, which may induce cancer. I have had 12+ of them this year...and counting...so what do you think my odds of getting cancer are??? The other night I wanted to turn the light out but couldn't because it was ME glowing in the dark!!!! Okay...joking...

Well, I am going to see how many of those gifts I can wrap today...maybe just a few but it will be more than none.

My gratitude: I am here for Christmas and was able to order presents online and sometimes even got free shipping...xx

Do I Smell Cookies?

2009-12-07T14:16:41Z

My keyboard has been burning up, not because I am blogging (although I have commented on a few blogs) but because I have been shopping online. Since I cannot shop out in the world like I enjoy...seeing all the sights and smelling all the smells, I have been doing it in here...lol. And I have baked a couple of batches of my mothers cookies...something she did every Christmas.

My tree isn't up yet. We still have to plaster the wall where the roof leaked (by default have new roof now) so we can put the furniture back and make way for the dining set (ordered pre-leak) that is being delivered (my first dining set...others have been hand me downs in my pre-divorce days) so the furniture deliverers can get through the sliding doors where the tree goes...yep...in that order. If any of that doesn't happen I am going to get some twigs from outside and place them in a vase and put Lifesaver candy canes (all the flavors of Lifesaver candies, none are mint) and stick it on my kitchen table...lol...I have used twigs before...lol!

I am waiting for my visiting nurse to arrive so I can take my first dose of arimidex...hormone. It is to help slow the tumor growth found in various parts of my body. I am off chemo now. It is a scary time. I don't have the umbrella of chemo keeping the dirty little pig at bay. And I have been allergic to stuff I have never been allergic to before...hence, I want to wait for the nurse.

He is an unsung hero (my nurse). He just became engaged to his honey...happy news! If he is the same guy I see in my home three times a week as he is in his own home, she is a lucky gal. And I am lucky to have had him thus far to help me.

Have any of you had any luck with hormone therapy? Did it help inhibit your tumor growth? I barely had any trouble with hot flashes before So I am told, they will come with this med...great...

I think I will make an apple pie today (I have a bought crust...heh heh heh)...

Trunk Up

2009-11-28T19:45:45Z

I love good luck elephants (they have their trunks up)...in any form...ceramic, silver charms, candle shaped. I like them anyway...very social creatures and I believe they are still on the endangered species list (?)...as we are.

Sometimes I feel like we are all on our own boats with various friends/family and other individuals on our boats, but all going down the same river...towards the rapids. The water is relatively calm with a few rocks or threatening waves along the way, but down by the rapids, some of us will make it and some of us will not. Some of us will be paddling for our lives and not make it while others are barely paddling and get to go home free. I want us all to float and shoot the rapids with ease...and go home.

But we all can't. So stay close to the herd...and keep your trunk up...xx

In Stitches

2009-11-17T18:44:19Z

Well, I think I have had the last chemo for now. I have an appointment in early December to determine which helping poison I should take next without burning out my platelet production. The trick is not to allow the cancer to get a foot hold inside me without my usual chemo. We shall see. In the meantime, I am knitting away a hat for my visiting nurse extraordinaire...a HE...and as compassionate a soul as you'll ever meet. If his personality at his home is anywhere near the person I see three times a week, his girlfriend is very lucky!! She is a nurse also...what a dynamic duo. It is a chocolate brown, the hat...a color I see him in frequently. So, maybe a scarf with it. It is very soft which tends to have a person reach for it more often. I do crafts as they are therapeutic and I can meditate while doing them. My mind goes to plain, soft places and the day passes easily. I am going to attempt a top down raglan sweater...lol...I hear all of you veteran knitters laughing at me...lol...well, I'm gonna try...lol. And the chemo socks go on...

Gonna pop

2009-11-09T16:42:37Z

I'm really not liking this...I'm getting fatter and fatter!!! I just bought new clothes so I could be comfy with my new and improved bod (the thinner version), especially during chemo. I hate that bound up feeling while havng tubes running in and about me. But I am slowly and surely putting on weight!!! I guess I was having too much of a good time with my food since I had been deprived of so much of it so often (intestinal obstructions, nausea, surgery, blah, blah, blah)...<sigh>... I guess I shouldn't buy anymore pecan rings...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Well, I will watch what I eat...but not by much. When that dirty little pig comes 'round, he is going to have to fight me for every crumb!! Especially danish, pasta, baked potatoes, watermelon...<voice trailing off>...

Well, gonna go sit outside for a bit and enjoy the warm air for now. Hopefully I won't work up an appetite...

...lol...

Things That Calm the Soul

2009-11-08T18:30:30Z

It is sunny here today on the Boston harbor. I can't see a cloud in the washed out kind of a blue sky that we have. And little wind, and best of all, about 60 warm degrees. And I still have roses on my front bushes (wild ones) that I don't know the names of. But one is red and the other a very deep pink. Very nice to look at while doing the dishes!

Honey is watching the football game and I am about to get offline and tend to my crafts for 'therapy'. Very soothing to my soul. I might even watch a movie here online while I knit...it's a thought.

I have a list of 'to-do' things...but I am slowly not being interested in it anymore. Almost like none of it matters. Some of the stuff on the list matters...like putting the stair rail up going down cellar...but the rest is going to be 'as needed," I think. It is certainly a re-evaluation of what is important and what is not. Cleaning mental house. If I ever get 'round to it, I would like to post pictures, too...like Debs. They are so calming. And I like calming...lol

Home Sweet Home

2009-10-30T14:46:12Z

Boom! Boom! Boom! No, it's not a headache but the roofers...lol. Sprung a leak in the front room after fixing the leaky roof three years ago...sigh...So, it's time to put a new one on in its entirety. Maybe we can get the contractor to fix the frame on the kitchen door that was put in new last year...another sigh...lol. No matter...we may have to move out of this lovely dwelling if we can't find a creative way of paying the mortgage once I am out on disability permanantly. At one time we coulld do it on one salary but now...we shall see. Sometimes things like this are a blessing in disguise.

I am feeling pretty well, all things considered. I started Christmas shopping. Mostly because it is very easy to do via computer. And I keep myself fairly busy here in the house doing things I have always liked doing but always did in piece-meal as life pulled me in different directions. I like the hands-on creative stuff. I am able to take my mind off cancer and feel like I am cancerless...like life before cancer. And I like that :)

My gratitude: I am comfortable in my home when I am alone.

The holidays

2009-10-20T13:51:04Z

I tasted my first sparkling water today. I like it. Kind of like seltzer or club soda. Fizzy without any taste but hydrating...lol..

Kind of a mixed week after chemo. The dexamethasone made me sooo irritable that I cried...because I couldn't understand why I was so jumpy and on edge. I finally looked in the mirror at one point and saw how red my face was from the med. After seeing that I calmed down. There was a reason for me acting the way I was. Which was not pleasant for Honey to endure, watch. Thankfully it was only a 'few' hours worth and the evening was quieter. And happier.

I love reading about the lives of you all in here. I am comforted at times. At times I am scared by your stories and for you. At times I am so very happy by your good news and family happiness. And of course, very saddened sometimes. But mostly I see the strength of everyone in these trials of cancer. Mostly we have few choices but mostly I see everyone not willing to lose a fight so dear.

So I try to take each day as it presents itself and try to do things that make me smile. I still am making tube socks and will continue to make them and donate the proceeds to research. Research for the cures is the only way out of this 'place' in my mind. And for sheer fun I have been making bread...lol. In my bread machine, of course, not kneading and folding and raising the dough like in days of old...lol. Althought there IS something to be said for all that kneading-meditation! And I continue to bead bracelets. Lots of noisy trinkets on my arm and soon to be on the arms of family for the coming holidays...lol.

The holidays. A whole other story, eh?

Choice.

2009-10-11T14:38:46Z

Cancer, the dirty little pig that it is, makes old problems IMMENSE. The old problems are even more difficult to tolerate. And what is worse, they couldn't be fixed before and NOW they sure as heck can't be fixed. It's any problem from the days before cancer. I am getting to the point like Indie Chick...staying away from ALL...not because I am reverse 'nesting' or from depression or preparing for my own death, but because I ask myself, "How much more of the old stuff can I endure?" I don't want to deal with it anymore. My time is precious to me and how I spend my time and energies is MY CHOICE. So I stay away from most...for now, anyway until I get a handle on my PROBLEMS.

Even when I don't want to think about cancer the DLP forces me to...

My gratitude: I still have choice.

I'll Get it...Some Day...Eekamonga...

2009-10-04T11:07:36Z

I am still trying to get the hang of this site. I am not always sure how to get where I want when I want. I am not always responding to wonderful friends in a timely fashion...if at all. Seems I stumble upon pages more often than actually knowing where I want to go and then just click a button and get there. Seems I have to search around a bit to find the pages and buttons. I am not sure if it is just me, the chemo brain or what...

I am also not sure why I need to know how many times we post...is it important to know that some of us post thousands of times and others do not? Is it important for me to know who is befriending whom? Is it important for me to know who is commenting on what? I feel a bit voyeuristic. I need my support site to be direct with me. I don't have alot of patience or abilities to scoot around a web site in an emotional moment of chaos. I need to get where I want in a moment...not click, go back, lose my posts (not being able to 'save' anything), go from thread to forum to group...whaaat? Where am I and how do I get back there? I have more than once already just left the site out of frustration. I know it is knew but really...I need streamline, direct and now I am going to try to find the way to set my font larger--permanently--because the chemo is messing with my eyes.

...<sigh>...I am working too hard with this...can you come over and help me?

My gratitude: I know if you could you would.

A Hope Chest for Me

2009-10-03T09:03:00Z

The coughing and hacking and gagging is not so nice. The cold I have is slowly making its way about my body and I am waiting for it to make its way OUT! Tootle-oo...bye bye bugs.

Well, honey bought me my three skeins of yarn to finish off my g/f's baby blanket. The baby's room is blue and brown with a giraffe theme. Nice. Since I won't be attending the baby shower I'll have it finished and maled. It is nice to receive things in the mail. She and her hubby are the two nicest folks. They are younger than us by a generation, or two, but share many interests with us. She hasn't missed a beat with me, sending cards, offering help, being there.

And honey laughs at himself for getting to 'know' girlie things...lol. I laugh too. I smile because he is trying to have a conversation with me about the different kinds of yarn there are, "We (he and the sales lady) looked for the 4 ply, no dye lot yarn but only came up with..." I just laugh and laugh. He has absolutely no interest in this stuff except for my interest in it...cracks me up...lol.

I have been making a crocheted bag to hold my knitting in. The difference being is that the bag is crocheted with plastic bags from the market. Recycling at its best :) And the bags essentially are free. I've made curtains with them and placemats for the table...I told you I had alot of time on my hands...lol. But I enjoy it. It is my therapy. It affords me to be creative, productive, a recycler, gift-giver. I am working my way towards shopper. I'll get there.

And speaking of mail...there is a wonderful group here in the states called Chemo Angels. A wonderful group of volunteers that send mail to folks undergoing chemo. Google the name for the web site. They are WONDERFUL for people alone, shut-ins, folks who just need a human touch, etc. I am a receiver of their services (you could be the giver, also) and my two Angels are fabulous. Each of them lives in another state but stay in touch with me approx. once a week. Amazing dedication, eh?

So, I am going to read for awhile and try to get sleepy.

My gratitude: My cold is not as bad as it could have been. I made a baby blanket for my niece who isn't pregnant. It's for her hope chest which I think I am giving her for xmas...

My 'luxury'

2009-10-02T20:33:13Z

I had a totally fine blog written and went to post it only to realize that You all are five hours ahead of me and I think I was smack in the middle of the down time today. Hence, I lost my blog (there is no way to 'save' it that I am aware of). Boo hoo. Suffice to say that I even wrote one...there is the catharsis/therapy.

I am slowly getting over my cold. It is still a wee bit in my chest...never fully got hold in there. I think catching it on the day of chemo helped. The chemo won't let the virus replicate itself like it wants (chemo helps slow down fast, reproducing cells, right?) That's my theory and I'm sticking to it :) My cold makes me want to make Shepard's pie or make a beef stew and put a fire on in the fireplace...mmm...cozy, warm. Instead I started making my boot socks...Sock It To Cancer. The proceeds will go to my two doc researchers...even if it buys them only enough for pencils. They are quick and easy to make and take one skein of yarn for a pair. They are nice over socks, under boots. And one size (for adults) fits all...unless you have size-no-more for feet.

My desens nurse asked me if I was back to work. It made me weepy with my visiting nurse the next day while I was talking about it. I have tubes in my chest, get winded with activity, have chronic fatigue and...I can't even wear a bra comfortably. Yah...I'll be going to work tomorrow...as fast as I can. The nurse may have been alluding to 'how good you look' kind of thing...but I took it as, 'Maybe you can go back to work soon.' Why would I even WANT to go back to work at this point? I have worked full time straight since 1982 with few vacations. I am ready to enjoy whatever time I have left. I have 'given' at the office. I am finished with work, caput. This team is laying down the bat, closing the shop to working ANY MORE. AAAAAHHHHHH...feels good to say that.

Think I'm going to rest for a bit... :)

Catching a Cold

2009-09-30T09:19:05Z

Well, my desens nurse had a cold while I was getting chemo and being desensed. She wore a mask intermittantly, coughed and sneezed away from everyone and into her sleeve; told me how handwashing is very important in the spread of colds, etc. And guess what? Can you guess? Yep...I have a cold...five days out of chemo and nearing my nadir...hope my poor old body can shake it before the coming of nadir! And this I can assure you...No one who has a cold will ever take care of me again. And don't you. I was soft, easy and allowed her to care for me when she shouldn't have. What dopes...both of us.

Fatigue

2009-09-27T23:35:58Z

Wow, three days out from chemo and I am exhausted. There...that is all I can say because I am going to go inside and rest on the bed...again...lol.