Carrying on . . . .One Day at a Timehttps://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-blogs/b/carrying_on____one_day_at_a_time/atomTelligent Community (Build: 12.1.2.21912)2009-11-12T12:29:05ZThoughtshttps://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-blogs/b/carrying_on____one_day_at_a_time/posts/thoughts2009-11-12T21:00:49Z2009-11-12T21:00:49Z<p>I went for a walk with the dog tonight. Rain has many beauties, one of which being it hides tears well. Thoughts are racing at the moment. I want another chance to make things work. I want Mel to beat the cancer this time. I'm sure if we had another go, we'd beat it.</p>
<p>So many things we'll never do again, so many things we'll miss out on. There are no answers. I remember the consultant saying "it wasn't fair"..... too bloody right!!!</p>
<p>How am I going to get through this. Both my wife and I are struggling, but we don't seem to be in the same place anymore. We're miles apart in how we are dealing with things. I hate being at home. I hate looking at the four walls of the room where Mel died. I remember how , during the latter part of her illness, she was barely eight feet from her bedroom, but she'd never see it again. </p>
<p>I am drained of energy at the moment, yet when I walk the dog I feel as though I could walk forever. I want to see her again, I want to be able to talk to her, I want to tell her how things are changing, everything from her sister's boyfriend to the fact that there is no longer a Woolworth on any High Street. She's missing so much and she shouldn't be. She should be here to see if all for herself.</p>
<p>I want to run away, I want to escape from the pain, the hurt, the anger, everything that grief brings, I want to run away from it as fast as I can so it can't catch me. But no one can run that fast.</p><div style="clear:both;"></div><img src="https://community.macmillan.org.uk/aggbug?PostID=271417&AppID=30145&AppType=Weblog&ContentType=0" width="1" height="1">Former Memberhttps://community.macmillan.org.uk/members/formermemberOne year, six months and one day on . . https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-blogs/b/carrying_on____one_day_at_a_time/posts/one-year-six-months-and-one-day-on2009-11-12T11:29:05Z2009-11-12T11:29:05Z<p>That's how long it is since my eldest daughter passed away. I wrote a blog during her illness and have decided to start one up again. </p>
<p>Grief is a monster. It sneaks up on you, sometimes when you least expect it. Last weekend I went to a Trophy Shop in town to purchase an award to present in memory of Melissa. It is awarded to the pupil who shows enthusiam or inspires others in a particular lesson or subject. </p>
<p>The inscription on the award is . . . . "To inspire is within us all"</p>
<p>Today is a bad day. My head is spinning, I have a headache. I'm on anti depressants. I'm trying not to let those around me see how much I am hurting. My thoughts pass from what we did, to what we'll never do again. </p><div style="clear:both;"></div><img src="https://community.macmillan.org.uk/aggbug?PostID=271133&AppID=30145&AppType=Weblog&ContentType=0" width="1" height="1">Former Memberhttps://community.macmillan.org.uk/members/formermember