blackbun40

mexico

2011-03-31T21:47:55Z

hi al. l i returned home this morning from mexico. had my birthday there too. it was fab!! great to have all the kids around me. as i did feel very alone inside. sad at times. but steve was with me in spirit. this is a journey i have to take without him. seems like it's gonna be a long one. but as the kids keep telling me. mum your strong and well loved we will help each others along the way

work

2011-03-08T12:02:11Z

the sesssion has been cancelled today due to the therapist having shingles. we won't be able to go now till april. going back to work this thursday two days for a month. life has to go on as people keep telling me. been 13wks since steve died. his headstone being laid next week. at last the grave will look like his resting place rather than some make shift plot. we are going to mexico 19/3 kids looking forward to it. will seem strange going without steve, but i'm sure he will be watching over us

therapy

2011-02-09T14:28:49Z

have counselling now first visit just gone, had back massage very nice. i hope it all it helps me to come to terms with steve gone. and get me trough the dark days ahead, i still feel i'm in a bubble. have bad/good days. we will be having family sessions to i need for me and the kids to open up to each other, as nothing has been said these last few weeks about steve dying. i know we all cope diffrently. i also need to hear that the kids are coping? i feel they don't show it so they don't upset me and vice versa. it feels like a long journey ahead hard to even think about getting back to work in march and carrying on without steve. but i suppose we have to start a chapter.

for you

2011-01-29T17:02:44Z

As i lie awake at night

Whilst others are asleep

I take a trip down memory lane

With a tear upon my cheek

I think of all the heartache

I try so hard to hide

I think of all the times

I've broken down and cried

I cry because i love you

I cry because i care

I cry because i'll wake

And you won't be there

my beloved husband 'steve'

2011-01-29T16:51:53Z

My love you meant the world to me

And words just cannot say

Just how much i miss you now

That you have gone away

I felt i had known you all my life

And i've loved you from the start

Now you've goneand taken with

My poor broken old heart

There's so much more i had to say

But now it's far too late

I;ll just have to bide my time

Till wemeet at heaven's gate

passed away

2011-01-20T14:41:33Z

steve passed away 6/12/10 sudden but peacefully he only had one lot of chemo it had not worked, he refused anymore treatment. his liver was badly swollen they thought it had spread tot he stomach never got a chance to find out. he lasted eight weeks after being diagnosed at peace now

passed

2011-01-04T11:57:53Z

it has been 4wks sincee steve passed away, this is my first time on my own kids have gone back to school. i have not cried much, some days i do feel down others i'm ok. but i'm feeling gulity that i'm not sobbing my heart out? or do i think he has not gone and i'm denying it? i feel confused.

funeral

2010-12-18T13:19:49Z

steve had his funeral yesterday 17/12/10 the service was lovely had a big turn out. lots of people came to buriel too. i lost it a bit, but it was expected,. found it hard to leave the grave,. but i did him proud. and he is at peace. went back to grave this morning to pick up cards( got los,t found it eventally) as i was too upset yesterday, they were covered in snow, but look ok now. just waiting for brochure for headstone. then we can feel that it will be easier to visit to talk, weep laugh or just remember him queitly

at peace

2010-12-07T11:57:17Z

steve passed away yesterday at 18.10 sudden but peacefully RIP thanks for all support

at end

2010-12-06T11:03:18Z

steve has gone downhill over weekend. nurse bakc tomorrow to put up syringe driver. and catheter, it is so horri ble to watch you love on fading way. only having sips of water now. very restless, not sleeping much. i just hope he goes peacefully.

home

2010-12-03T19:45:18Z

steve came home from hospital today after having stomach drained. he s very poorly doc said go home and enjoy what time you have left,.no more hospital appts. steve being cared for at home by the mac nusrde abd distric nurse, just hope he makes it through xmas. it's saw awful to watch him slowly deteoratting. what a waste of a life

problem

2010-11-30T11:56:18Z

steve went to chrstie this morning to have drain put in tummy, but his blood is too thin, so he was admitted, in for few days has been giving meds to thicken his blood before they try the drain again, they will do a scan of the tummy as they seem to think the cancer has spread, when will it all end? so we can spend quality time together before he is too sick

another problem

2010-11-26T07:18:44Z

steve went to christie yesterday,he needs to go in tues to have a drain put in tummy as it is swollen, he has refused anymore chemo as it did not work for him so he ask doc how long left? we told 6mths but then doc said because of problems steve having and the cancer was found too late we looking at 3/4mths he was devastated, he cried, and just wanted to get home and have a brandy. wish we did , so i hope we can have some quality time before he get sick, things have been going downhill last week or so, he not reading his paper or watching tv , not drinking much as he should, his legs are swollen too i just hope he stays positive and concentrate and xmas, lets see what today brings

chemo

2010-11-10T11:36:29Z

steve had his first chemo yesterday, and we managed to get his pain under control, he was had some food today. wanting to eat! now we just waiting for chemo to kick-in , what a diffrent person he is, now the pain has is easier for him to cope with. feels like the old steve i married