beanpole's blog

home

2010-02-25T17:49:37Z

Clive came home today looking massively better , and is much more confident about getting around. We have oxygen at home now, so this will help with his confidence if he starts having problems again. The consultant went through his ct scan in detail and it was more encouraging than we expected. The tumor has grown more over to the left and has collapsed one chamber of the lung by closing off one of the tubes. The radio will be zoning in on this area to improve the breathing. We were also told the cancer has not spread into the lung, liver or anywhere else except the lymph nodes. These have not grown much since last June and neither had the main tumor ,it is about the size of an orange. This made Clive feel much more confident about being around for some while yet. We all feel quite smiley today and enormously relieved!!!!!!

escaping!

2010-02-24T17:34:04Z

Clive escaping hospital tomorrow. Has had ct scan and the tumour has grown over to the left lung and is closing the main bronchial tube causing the lung to collapse. They have decided to do another lot of radiotherapy from a different angle as they can't do it more than once in the same place. We are having oxygen at home to help until he has this treatment. He is no longer muddled and back to his usual sharp self thank goodness he has been on a fluid drip to flush out the excess calcium. Have purchased a really cool electric recliner for him, being delivered friday so he can really chill out in comfort!!!

Breathless

2010-02-22T10:25:16Z

Clive had to go into hospital on Sunday due to sortness of breath getting worse and becoming a bit confised and muddled. They have confirmed his blood calcium level is elevated, so treating that and have done a chest x ray which they say is inconclusive. They seem to think it may be the tumour pushing on the lung and making it collapse. We should know more today when they have done further investigations. All the signs seem to be there that the cancer is starting to get the better of him but hopefully they will find something they can do to improve matters for the time being.

ups and downs

2010-02-15T19:08:01Z

Having a rocky time at the moment, Clive seems to have increasing levels of Calcium in his blood which they are keeping an eye on, and is very short of breath all the time. He has a small pleural effusion which they are trying to treat with antibiotics or steriods. all this is a worry. I have looked it up and it all seems quite common in advanced cancer, i didn't say anything to Clive, but he has now looked himself and realises time is running out. I do feel quite emotional at the moment.

We have been to see the most fantastic Palliative care consultant at Derby , she is so caring and thorough and looking after us both, she is so on the ball with pain relief and symptom control. I have packed in work as it was causing difficulty as I worked over lunch time and had to provide my own cover if I couldn't make it ,which as we have more hospital visits it gave extra stress I didn't need. So I am relieved to be officially retired at 42!

My brave face is still in place, am trying to be strong for the kids, am not sure if we should be filling them in a bit more on proceedings. i will see the Macmillain nurse soon for some advice.

brightning up!

2010-01-12T18:15:48Z

Clive seems to be feeling a bit better. He is starting to get bored which is a good sign, and has been flicking elastic bands at me today to annoy me. The old Clive is still there battling to get out.

Off to look at new cars tomorrow. I strongly believe spending money is a great stress reliever!

Hospital antics

2009-12-18T18:56:11Z

Went to see the oncologist on Wed and he admitted clive for iv fluids. He had got quite dehydrated and also had a ct scan done . They decided he needed a stent putting in straight away, as he hadn't kept much down since Sunday. They needed to check the tumour wouldn't push on his airway if he had a stent in. They didn't mention anything else they found on the scan, but it showed it was ok to go ahead. Thurs morning they put the stent in and it all went fine. The inside of his food pipe was a bit of a mess in places. The tumour was starting to narrow the pipe and also there was a wierd bit where saliva was able to collect and not drain down. The stent is now covering this up and has opened it up again lower down. Anyway he came home last night, but I think it will take a few day for him to start feeling half decent again. I was petrified at what might happen, and scared he might not come back out. So i am relieved that stres levels have reduced a bit. i am keeping fingers crossed we will make it through xmas without any more problems.

downhill

2009-12-15T13:06:01Z

Clive had some friends over on Friday and since then has been feeling much worse. His back ache has moved to the shoulder blade again, and keeps being sick, he has been unable to evenkeep water down at times. We have phoned the oncologist today and will see him tomorrow. He can't go on like this. One weetabix is about all he has eaten each day for the past 3 days.

My insides are permanently in knots and I am so scared he will have to go in hospital and not come out. What am I going to tell the boys?

Worrying!

2009-12-06T18:18:48Z

I am starting to get worried Clive is going down hill. He is so tired all the time and has been feeling sick or has stomach ache. So is not eating that well. His back is aching most of the time too.

I suppose he will have good and bad days, but I just looked at the symptoms of advanced cancer on this website and saw much of what he is experiencing fits. He seems quite antisocial and not that interested in things, and certainly seems to have lost any get up and go. I just want to see him smiling again!

good news for a change

2009-11-26T17:37:14Z

Bone scan came back clear! Apparently they think its arthritis in the vertebrae.

Clive went back to GP today and will be having physio for his back. I think this has encouraged him to be more active. He came down and helped me chop wood for a hour, good for blowing away the cobwebs, as it was a gorgeous day! Felt more like old times. I feel a lot better now and I think the chat with the GP did him good. its sometimes better to talk to someone who isn't too close, puts things in perspective. Anyway I told him he could have loads of time left! After all he's been going strong for 13 months since he was diagnosed!

Its all a bit too much !

2009-11-24T13:28:39Z

Feeling like its all a bit much at the moment. Clive has been a bit down as his back is giving him constant pain and the cocodomal has bunged him up.

As I like to be busy, i am finding it hard seeing Clive not moving off the sofa much, and me rushing around doing everyrthing. Then I feel soo guilty for feeling cross. Clive says it feels like he is waiting to die, and isn't very motivated to do much at the mo. Anyway we are off to get results from bone scan tomorrow, so will see what oncologist has to say.

Vegas and moving on!

2009-11-17T18:30:44Z

Had a fantastic trip to Vegas - won £ 700 on the first slot machine I put money in, had a surprise renewal of vows ceremony and flew into the Grand Canyon in a helicopter - AMAZING, What an fantastic husband I have for arranging all the surprises!

Clive is still feeling ok although quite tired and has had an aching back for a few weeks, the oncologist has arranged for him to have a bone scan to check it hasn't gone int othe bones on Thursday. although if it has he can do some radiotherapy on it. Clive had also been experiencing shortness of breath. I had been thinking the worst as he had a bit of cancer in his lung, but apparently it is from the radiotherapy catching the edges of the lung and causing it to be fibourous. We also checked the options for if the swallowing gets bad again (it is still fine) He can had some internal radiotherapy as a one off , or have a stent fitted. I must admit I felt quite relieved as each problem seemed to have something that could be done about it, and it stopped me making my own worst possible scenario diagnosis! Clive said he was glad there didn't seem to be anything that would finish him off in the next couple of months!

Ticking clock

2009-09-30T21:57:05Z

Clive is still feeling really well, and has been doing lots of normal things. Had a fab night out in London. Clive's amazing boss treated us. People really can be so kind! Are looking forward to our Vegas trip in just over a weeks time. Clive is really looking forward to meeting up with some old friends while we are over there too.

I never want this to end, Clive feeling great and spending some wonderful time together. I can't get away from the feeling that the clock is ticking......

Holidays and more holidays!!

2009-09-05T14:47:57Z

Just got back from a week in Cornwall, which was fantastic. You wouldn't believe it but Clive was body boarding in the sea with me and the boys, it was fab to see him really enjoying himself and with much more energy. He is still eating well again and says he feels fitter than he has been for ages. He is thinking about going to Las Vegas as he has always wanted to go, and he can meet up with lots of American friends he has made through work at the same time. Of course he will have to take me along, goodie !!!! He though he may not be able to get insurance now he is classed as terminal but MIA were brill and after saying they probably couldn't insure him,came back with a quote of about £150, Insure said they could insure him but starting at £1000 now thats a bit of a difference! Its amazing what feeling good does for your PMA it makes me and the boys feel great too, long may it continue!!!!!.

what a difference a week makes

2009-08-17T18:14:09Z

Things are certainly looking up at the moment. Clive's eating has been steadily improving we even went for a chinese a few days ago which is amazing considering he was only having prescribed drinks for the last few weeks. He is so much more his normal self too, laughing and joking instead of all down in the dumps. I know the long term prognosis won't change but living for the moment things are much better.Looking forward to getting on the beach this week in the good weather hopefully!

Radiotherapy trials and tribulations

2009-07-31T19:02:38Z

Clive is now on day 7 of his radiotherapy. He felt quite bad last week and was the lowest I've seen him. He has developed a nasty cough and is bringing up lots of saliva. The radiotherapist says the tumour can be pushing on the windpipe and can cause the cough and it also makes you create too much saliva, which is also not flowing down as easily as normal, so getting rid of it is a good idea. This does seem to have improved a bit over the last couple of days, so hopefully the radiotherapy is starting to take effect. He has been getting down the high energy drinks he has got on prescription, but I guess its a bit of a vicious circle, you need to eat more to get more energy, and this is not easy at the moment. The treatment is definitely causing alot of tiredness, but you never really know if that is the cancer. We were beginning to wonder if we would be able to make the V festival which we have tickets for, as its camping too which could be a bit much for him, we are waiting for the tickets to come and then we'll see. The radiotherapist said it can take 6 weeks from treatment to get the full effects. I am hoping we will be able to get away for a weeks holiday during the kids holidays. They are already starting to drive me bonkers and the constant rain is not helping. Just keeping everything crossed he will pick up and stay that way for as long as possible.